How many here could be happy SINGLE for life?

[Antique Hoosier]

Deep question perhaps. I know I will get a few funny responses and thats ok too...I'm really seeking your thoughts. As many of you know I have been very single since a divorced approaching 2 1/2 years ago after 21 years of marriage. I was married once and have dated on and off over the past year having waited in excess of one year after the divorce to even get out there. I certainly haven't found anyone special. A few fun times and yet no one that really held my interest for very long. I'm starting to think about just packing it in concerning ever finding a significant other as I approach turning 49 in January. I'm "invisible" it appears to women under the age of 40 and thats ok cause I'm really not chasing the younger ones anyway. Unfortunately lately, I have had no less than 4 or 5 women in their early to mid 50's approach me about going out. I'm not happy about that at all as they actually remind me more of an older Aunt or school teacher rather than a vital attractive woman I would desire. This is not creating major depression or anything but I truly am very close to shutting down the dating/coupling instinct and concentrating on work, travel, hobbies etc. How would you handle life as a single man if you ever found yourself in a similar situation?

A side note...for whatever reason, the majority of the women I dated had ALL been married between 2 and 4 times themselves. I never seemed to find a counterpart who had a similar experience...one marriage...long time...readjusting to single life. Help me before I register for a Philippines Mail Order Bride site.

 

[Dennis]

When you stop looking is usually when you find someone or they find you. As for being single for life, it certainly is possible, especially if I had a strong social network and good friends. Without that, I think things could get fairly lonely.

 

[82R100]

Work, travel and hobbies sounds like the approach to me. Not with the object of burying yourself in them, but to stop trying too hard. You can't make it happen. The best you can do is be with people whom you like to be with.

- Chris

 

[Emmett]

when you stop looking is usually when you find someone or they find you. As for being single for life, it certainly is possible, especially if i had a strong social network and good friends. Without that, i think things could get fairly lonely.

+1

 

[Chimensch]

After living as 1/2 of a couple for 21 years there is a lot that you can learn about yourself by living alone. The right person is worth waiting for and you can make good use of your time while you're waiting to figure out just who you are and who you would like your next wife to be.

I'm on my third marriage. Married the first time the day after my 20th birthday, we grew up and apart and divorced after 8 years, no kids. A year and a half later, I was married again, this time for 18 years, with two kids. We separated in 1995 and she died in 2000. We when separated, I decided I wanted to live in Italy. I was just about to go when she died unexpectedly from stomach cancer and I found myself living with my children again. When my youngest went away to college, I moved here and met my present wife. We married in 2005, so I was single for 10 years before remarrying. All I can tell you is that it was worth the wait.

 

[Aaron W.]

I would focus on work and travel they go hand n hand. See the world if you can if not take a ride around this great country.Hit some back roads and see what you can find. Then look for someone if thats what you want. Enjoy yourself either way.Slow down a little we all could benefit from that.Good luck.

 

[Antique Hoosier]

After living as 1/2 of a couple for 21 years there is a lot that you can learn about yourself by living alone. The right person is worth waiting for and you can make good use of your time while you're waiting to figure out just who you are and who you would like your next wife to be.

I'm on my third marriage. Married the first time the day after my 20th birthday, we grew up and apart and divorced after 8 years, no kids. A year and a half later, I was married again, this time for 18 years, with two kids. We separated in 1995 and she died in 2000. We when separated, I decided I wanted to live in Italy. I was just about to go when she died unexpectedly from stomach cancer and I found myself living with my children again. When my youngest went away to college, I moved here and met my present wife. We married in 2005, so I was single for 10 years before remarrying. All I can tell you is that it was worth the wait.

Great Life Story. (and great advice so far by all responding...keep it coming)

*** to clarify, I have probably not been looking at all for quite sometime so perhaps the majority of advice so far as to don't look for it...it will find you is currently my practice.

 

[kwk285]

I have been married almost 21 years. I am very happy in my marriage. If god forbid I became single again, I see myself being single for a long while.

I think after a long marriage one would have to spend some alone time to see what would even interest them.

 

[psychlopath]

Except for that whole "needing someone to change my diapers," phase as the ol' body fails, I could be (and likely will be!) quite happy and single for years to come. If not the rest of my days.

I cay pay for a diaper change, though.

 

[Angus Young]

I'd say don't get so worked up about things. Just concentrate on the things in life you enjoy and someone will come into your life when you least expect it. If that doesn't happen then just look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you are the man, splash on some bay rum and get down to the bar and tell the ladies you are the man. but seriously if you make sure you are happy with all other aspects of your life then the loving will come.

 

[Emmett]

I had always thought I'd be single, but someone fell into my life and so for several years I wasn't. It's looking like I'm going to be single again soon, which is partly sad and partly exciting. I think a person can be happy either way; it's all about how you view it.

 

[TimMechEngr]

I was married for 19 years after thinking with the wrong head and creating a pregnancy. I married her because I was not going to have a child in this world and not be a part of their life. Our son was an only child, and I spent an incredible amount of time living vicariously through him as he went through Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and on into adulthood. He turned out to be a really good kid. I started back to college full time when he started 11th grade in 1997. Just over 2 years later, his mother and I separated on January 1, 2000 (New Millennium), and he lived with me for another year after that. I was so tied up with college, homework, and working all the time that I didn't have the time nor money for anything. I didn't have anything to do with women for the next five years. Jump to 2005.

College had long since been over, and I had just started a new full time job in January, 2005. I was getting ahead of the bills and actually saving money every month. I was really just getting started to feel good about myself again. I was making over twice as much money as I did before returning to college. I met my current girlfriend in May. She's an absolute knockout in the looks department, my same age, and becoming physically involved with another woman besides my ex-wife was a strange, yet nice experience. I moved in with her in July after she needed an operation for a major infection in her right foot. She had lost her job over it and needed help. She was so hot looking, I was more than happy to oblige. Jump to now.

Now its been over 4 years living together, and she drives me absolutely NUTS! I'm a very detail and mechanically oriented person. She is the exact opposite. Her entire life had been spent having some man do everything for her. It turned out that the job she had when we met was the only job she ever had in her life. It takes everything I have to keep up with the bills, and she is never completely happy with anything I do for her. She's always looking for more than I can ever conceivably give her. I work a part time job just so I'll have money for my hobbies. I would have left the relationship before now, but she has no family or anyone to help her. Somewhere down the road, I know this relationship will end. Both of my parents passed away in the last 2 years and have left me a nice inheritance, but it's still tied up with the executor and the lawyers. When this inheritance comes through, I'll cover her bills for 6 months and finally close the door on that part of my life. It might sound bad, but I'm really looking forward to being single again. I don't think I'll ever get back into another living relationship with a woman once I get out of this one. I look back on the 5 years I was by myself and yearn for those days once more.

 

[castlecraver]

I honestly think I could be happy single for life. Although it doesn't necessarily preclude having children, that part nags at me slightly. But aside from that, not much about the "coupled" lifestyle appeals to me at this point in my life.

 

[Emmett]

Tim, I don't think that sounds bad at all, FWIW.

 

[mojavered]

It's time to take a break! Good things come to those who wait. As it has been said earlier, once you stop looking, then it will come to you. I cannot imagine having to spen the latter years single. Just take a break and enjoy what is crrently going on in your life! Have fun and enjoy.

 

[Unknownsoldier]

I could, at least I'd never have to ask "who's nicked my razor/borrowed my cream/styptic pencil etc....."

A side note...for whatever reason, the majority of the women I dated had ALL been married between 2 and 4 times themselves. I never seemed to find a counterpart who had a similar experience...one marriage...long time...readjusting to single life. Help me before I register for a Philippines Mail Order Bride site.

Don't order a mail order (they really stitch you up on the S&H!!!! Oh and don't get me started on the ebay and paypal fees ;-) ), don't want her in a crate at the post office waiting for you to go and collect her!

And woman wise, you meet through work, shopping etc. the old cliche of trawling bars is just that a cliche, I met my GF at Uni' , my mate met his now wife in a supermarket, and other mates have met people through work (my cousin met her now hubby as he worked as a security guard at the hospital she worked at, and he walked her to her car one night!). I may only be 24, but the girls I've met/dated have all been when I wasn't looking (failed all those nights going "out on the pull...."), if you try it seems that vibes switch women off...... so don't try As is always the way (especially with my socks it seems, things turn up once you stop looking for them! Usually after a 2 hour hunt in my case...). Anyways I thought woman liked the more distinguished older man???? As several others have said: (I can't put it better than the above poster);

"Good things come to those who wait."

People click, and you can't expect to adjust to being single overnight after 21 years. I know my post may be a bit "jokey", but honestly mate, don't give up just yet, you never know your soul mate might be just around the corner

ATB,
Tom

 

[KarthVader]

I would focus on work and travel they go hand n hand. See the world if you can if not take a ride around this great country.Hit some back roads and see what you can find. Then look for someone if thats what you want. Enjoy yourself either way.Slow down a little we all could benefit from that.Good luck.

I read this really great article about Route 66. I don't know if the OP has a motorcycle, but even if you don't, following that legendary road would be the trip of a life time.

I've been happily single (for the most part) for about 5 years now. I still feel the need to seek out potential SWMBOs sometimes, but that's probably cause I'm a young buck (I'm 23).

Some Zen philosophy for you: Be at peace with yourself; in your mind, body and soul and you will be at peace with the rest of the world.

Edit: OP, have you thought about taking some time off work and maybe doing a wilderness trek? That would seem like the perfect place to reconnect with yourself and get your mind right. And that seems like a manly thing to do

 

[masonjarjar]

The grass is *always* greener on the other side...

 

[New2DEShaving_Montreal]

I think the advice most people give about "when you're not looking, you find what you're looking for" while seems true, is just an idea we get into our heads, and once we start believing it, we start to see the result we expected. I know I wouldn't have met my wife if I never tried. I made the move, I got the girl. I think the key is to not act or look like you are trying too hard. It's not about trying, its how you are doing it. If you are trying too hard, that puts women off.
All the best to you.

 

[KarthVader]

I think the advice most people give about "when you're not looking, you find what you're looking for" while seems true, is just an idea we get into our heads, and once we start believing it, we start to see the result we expected. I know I wouldn't have met my wife if I never tried. I made the move, I got the girl. I think the key is to not act or look like you are trying too hard. It's not about trying, its how you are doing it. If you are trying too hard, that puts women off.
All the best to you.

Seems counterintuitive. Looking like you don't care when you actually do!