Two Tattoos and One SWMBO

[BrookR1]

I have a dolphin on my hip from the Navy days (20 years ago) and right after the bandage was pulled off, I ignored it. It just seemed to disappear for me and the only time it would come up is when I had new GFs over. They all thought it was cute, including my wife.

So after seeing one of my old high school friends (he's 43) get "OCEANSIDE CALIFORNIA" tattooed across the back of his arms, it got me thinking about getting one or two more. Now that I'm old enough, I feel that I've lived a bit and actually have a story or two to tell. I picked two stories from my life and am having designs created.

One design will be a remembrance tattoo created in the Sailor Jerry style for my parents. Two hearts (one with a rose for mom and one with a marine corp symbol for dad) and a swallow signifying my journey to be with them.

The other will be a parrot (Sun Conure in my avatar) in the Sailor Jerry style. This one will be straight flash because all of the other parrot designs I've seen are very literal. I don't want a photo of a parrot, I want a caricature of a parrot.

The wife finds tattoos unattractive and thinks I'm nuts. She thinks I'm going through some mid-life crisis. And she doesn't like the idea of having my bird tattooed on me because that bird is her arch enemy (is MAD jealous of her). But that bird taught me a lot about life. Silly, I know, but I've owned him for 11 years (twice as long as I've known my wife).

But then thoughts about tattoos got me thinking about symbolism and I had a tiny epiphany. Before this tattoo discussion came up, I never used to wear my wedding ring. It's bulky, gets dirty, makes my finger sweat, I hate jewelery in general, blah blah blah. The guilt of not wearing my ring stung, so I haven't taken it off since last week.

Out of respect for my wife, I think I will get the tattoos only on my back and not get any on the front side of my body (so they stay relatively out of sight for her).

I hope the wife appreciates me wearing the ring...and accepts my tattoos after I get them.

My life...my story.

 

[Jerryz]

I was married many years ago to a woman I met while still in the military. For reasons not worth going into she is no longer here. But, the long and short is is I'm not a ring wearer, my job n the military didnt allow it and non years made it seem uncomfortable and abrasive at best. When I finally remarried this eventually turned into a very odd sticking point as she knew about it from th beginning. By try as I might wearing a ring was a true problem for me and not wearing it represented a problem for her. Along with many other things this lead to the demise of my second marriage. And I've never remarriade.

So I guess I understand this on many many levels

 

[smalltank]

as my wife told me even before we got engaged/married.."honey I love you for how you are and who you are...regardless..."..I we both wear rings....to US..its a sign of "not availavle to others"..though some people dont wear em as choice

 

[Rockminer]

How about a tattoo of a ring on your wedding finger? How could she say no to that, especially if you don't like wearing one in the first place. Let that be the ice breaker to the other tattoos you want.

 

[P Funk]

I was never a ring/jewelry wearer either. When I got married, well over a decade ago, my wife made it clear that she would like it if I wore my ring. As smalltank mentioned, for her it's more of a sign to others that I'm 'taken.' So now I wear my ring daily except for when doing any work with my hands. And I do now appreciate that she wears her ring as well.
As for the tattoos, I had a bunch when I met my wife so while not a huge fan, she had no choice but to accept then. In the time that we've been married, I've gotten several more including on areas of the body where years ago I thought I would not get them (and told her as much). Whenever I mention about getting a new tattoo, she teases me and reminds me what I said years ago. And that's the end of it. I get the tattoo and life goes on as normal.
I don't expect that your wife will think any less of you. It may take a bit for her to get used to them but I'm sure she'll soon realize that they don't define you. They are a rather benign form of expression (especially these days).
Best of luck - sounds like you put some real thought into your new pieces. I'm sure they'll turn out great.

 

[Larry C in Texas]

Genius!!!

How about a tattoo of a ring on your wedding finger? How could she say no to that, especially if you don't like wearing one in the first place. Let that be the ice breaker to the other tattoos you want.

 

[BrookR1]

I actually brought up the tattoo on the ring finger idea. She didn't like the idea. After further thought, if we ever got divorced, it would be difficult to remove.

 

[P Funk]

Plus it would be in a very visible area which may or may not matter to you/work/etc.
Tattoos on the hands tend to fade and stretch more than other parts of the body as the skin isn't as taut b/c it flexes, moves a lot and is usually exposed to the sun more as well.

 

[purerockfury]

I am not sure about your relationship with your wife. But I personally have always thought when you marry or before you marry someone you need to make sure you accept all things about that person.

How does you getting a tattoo or two effect her? Will anything in her life change? Is it jealousy that you are getting something meaningful to you about others and not of her? Maybe she feels that you are leaving her out of the picture.

All I know is things like this make me glad I am the ugly, poor person I am. I can not take someone (especially who supposedly cares or loves me) telling me what I can and cannot do. I get enough of that at work I do not need it at home as well.

Good luck I hope you can figure this out.

 

[petr]

Forget the bird. It's out. Unless you lose the wife, then it's a go. She doesn't need a reminder of anything that comes before her (true or not). Most wives are sensitive enough. Instead get a drawing or painting done in the same way and hang it in an area you will see a lot. After a year if you are still determined to get it, do it then. Sometimes doing this makes the idea morph into something even better.

The other for your parents ... sounds reasonable even she does not approve fully. But, don't get it on your back because of her. Get it where you want.

Keep the ring on. Wearing it is way more powerful than you think - for both of you.

I love those sailor jerry tattoos.

 

[Mick]

The wife finds tattoos unattractive and thinks I'm nuts.

I would suggest you listen to this part carefully

 

[COHunter]

My wife and I are both very fond of tattoos, and we each have a few...and if money were no issue we'd have a ton of them! More to the point is what makes us happy as individuals also makes us happy as a couple (with obvious limits). If getting a tattoo or piercing makes her happy, it makes me happy and vice versa. Hunting makes me happy and I do it, and it has nothing to do with either of us "letting" the other do anything. It's about mutual respect. I don't "let" her get her hair or nails done, it makes her happy, she does it and that makes me happy. There's no anger or grudge held, if that occurs then there's a deeper issue that we need to address and we do.

 

[intotheforge]

Forget the bird. It's out. Unless you lose the wife, then it's a go. She doesn't need a reminder of anything that comes before her (true or not). Most wives are sensitive enough. Instead get a drawing or painting done in the same way and hang it in an area you will see a lot. After a year if you are still determined to get it, do it then. Sometimes doing this makes the idea morph into something even better.

The other for your parents ... sounds reasonable even she does not approve fully. But, don't get it on your back because of her. Get it where you want.

Keep the ring on. Wearing it is way more powerful than you think - for both of you.

I love those sailor jerry tattoos.

I agree with this post. There's no pressing reason to get both tattoos immediately. The bird could wait a few months after the one for your parents, if not a full year.

 

[BrookR1]

Thanks.

Your responses have all been very helpful. I think what I will do is have my remembrance tattoo done, wait a few months, have my old dolphin tattoo redone and then wait much longer and then get the parrot done. This will give her time to get used my tattoos before moving to the next one.

My wife is accepting of who I am and can't forbid me to get the tattoo, but we try to be respectful of each others' wishes. But there have been times when she's ignored me on issues, so over time, it balances out. We keep our finances separate, so we really can't tell each other how to spend their money as long as our mutual needs are met.

BTW, she only knows about the parrot tattoo. I haven't told her about the remembrance tattoo. I'm hoping the huge sentimentality over it will bowl her over.

 

[Doc4]

I actually brought up the tattoo on the ring finger idea. She didn't like the idea. After further thought, if we ever got divorced, it would be difficult to remove.

These chaps in Tokyo can help you out ...

 

[oc_in_fw]

I actually brought up the tattoo on the ring finger idea. She didn't like the idea. After further thought, if we ever got divorced, it would be difficult to remove.

I got my wedding ring tattooed on, as I deal with electricity a lot, plus the occasional hydraulic fluid. I cannot stand moisture under a ring, so even washing my hands was a pain. I had to go to five places before I could get someone to do it, though- a lot of artists stay away from fingers, for some reason.

 

[mastershake]

i have both upper arms almost fully done. had them before i met her though. now i want to do my upper half back and she says no way. ill eventually get it done but will have to work at it slowly. she has a handful and got a couple small ones after i met her so now its my turn lol. i say you only live once and if you dont do them you may never get the chance later. no one knows what comes tomm. now im not saying go get all done at once but as you said start with one. you may even decide on your own that you dont want more. i have a few from when i was under 20 i kind of wish i didnt get now. now almost 40 as you said i think i have a better idea of what i would get this time.

 

[BrookR1]

Update:

SWMBO was NOT happy. But, she said that ultimately it's my body and that I can do what I want. She won't divorce me over this because I'm such a great guy in other ways. But she made it clear that she doesn't like them. So, I'm saving up for my next one...a parrot. Anyway, I love how this one turned out.

 

[The Count of Merkur Cristo]

Update:

SWMBO was NOT happy. But, she said that ultimately it's my body and that I can do what I want. She won't divorce me over this because I'm such a great guy in other ways. But she made it clear that she doesn't like them. So, I'm saving up for my next one...a parrot. Anyway, I love how this one turned out.

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Brook:
Nice 'tat' my friend! I happen to have 15 tats (both legs, [L] thigh, [R] wrist, [L] forearm, biceps [2], chest [2], stomach and [L] shoulder blade, center of back [descending downward with the Chinese characters for faith, hope & charity], and lower spine).

My first 'tat' was during Basic Training (Army...many moons ago), and I remember we recruits were all 'fire & vinegar' and thought it's the manly thing to do (mine spoke a military theme..."Death Before Dishonor"). Thus began my journey 'into the ink'.

In my case, the Mrs. has never minded...she said it was my way of self-expression! Personally, I wouldn't lose any sleep over your tat (and one you're going to get), in time...she will love them as being a part of yourself.

However, I'm thinking of getting another tat on my right thigh of a shaving theme.

If I do...I'll post a

to include all my other tats.

"Tattoos are one's visible stories". CBJ

 

[BrookR1]

I like the traditional shaving tattoo idea. I have a book called "The Vanishing American Barber Shop" with turn-of-the-century sketches of barbering equipment. Some of the barber chairs have an amazing amount of detail and would make nice tattoos.

I have a third one in the works, but I'm struggling coming up with images that represent home and my journeys to/away from home. This one is going to take much longer, but so far I've thought about the Oceanside Harbor Light House or pic of highway sign with an image of the California coastline.