Swmbo - need help!

[USMC]

My wife and I are expecting our first in Feb, so we are getting close. That being said she is VERY pregnant now, and quickly becoming uncomfortable. She has been having trouble sleeping and tosses and turns frequently throughout the night. She also has begun snoring like I've never heard anybody snore. She sounds like a nest of chainsaws getting revved up to take out a forest or two. She has been sleeping like crap, thus that means I've been sleeping like crap.

So last night I gave up after laying in bed for an hour without getting to sleep and decided to go sleep in our guest bed. When she discovered me there this morning, she got extremely mad at me saying that only separated or divorced people sleep apart. I tried to plead my case, however no dice.

I don't know what else I can do. She admitted that she slept better last night, and I know I did. But she doesn't want us sleeping in separate beds, even temporarily. She'd rather have both of us suffer through it.

So I turned here as this is the largest community of guys that I know of, and would love to hear some of the advice, or even problems that you've had like this. Anybody have any suggestions on a possible compromise or something that I can do to help calm her down?

 

[spindlecone]

Chill,this to shall pass,been there done that (3 times)

 

[Fbones24]

I will preface my comments by saying I do not have any children and have not experienced pregnancy. I am engaged to be married, so thank you for presenting a potential conflict in my near future.

With that said, women are notoriously insecure during pregnancy. I could totally see her side of this argument. She does not want you to find her unattracitve or annoying or "insert negative description here." She wants you to be by her side day and apparently night, no matter what.

Honestly, I truly hate to say this, but since she is pregnant, I think she might be right. In any other situation, I would say you need your sleep and need to do what is best for you until the situation is remedied. But, by leaving the bed because of your discomfort, you are sending signals that good sleep is more important than being supportive. This could only give her bad feelings about what might happen once the baby arrives.

Now, I truly hope this advice does not offend you. I just think she might have a point. More importantly, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!

 

[SalvadorMontenegro]

Anybody have any suggestions on a possible compromise or something that I can do to help calm her down?

I'm not married, don't have kids, am not expecting kids, am not even in a relationship and I know the answer to this one. You're sleeping in the bed, whether you get any sleep or not, and you're going to like it.

 

[danparker77]

CONGRATS. I can help with snoring (I think), When my wife was pregnant she sounded like freight train. I asked some friends who had just had babies and were also nurses and they said a humidifier worked wonders for them.......it did for us too! My wife did get a little comfort by laying on her side and "hugging" a body pillow while also having a body pillow on her back so as not to roll over. She says it helped some, but not much. Definitely get a humidifier running right next to her.

 

[RF1963]

I'm not married, don't have kids, am not expecting kids, am not even in a relationship and I know the answer to this one. You're sleeping in the bed, whether you get any sleep or not, and you're going to like it.

What he said!

Hate to tell you this but you're dealing with a whole of hormonal irrationality (been there twice myself).

Best I can suggest for you would be earplugs.

 

[DavyRay]

Body pillow - check.
Humidifier - check.
HEPA air filter - check.

Earplugs if you can get away with them.

She wants you in bed with her. That's important to her. Go with it.

If you think you don't get sleep now, just wait.

 

[Obsessed]

I'm not married, don't have kids, am not expecting kids, am not even in a relationship and I know the answer to this one. You're sleeping in the bed, whether you get any sleep or not, and you're going to like it.

Yeah, you pretty much have to bite the bullet on this one.

Speak to her OB about the situation. He might have some suggestions.

As an aside, a good piece of advice my wife got was to remove her rings before going to bed. Sometimes a pregnant woman's hands will swell, and I've heard of women having to have their wedding rings cut off.

And congratulations!

 

[ImaWestie]

My wife did get a little comfort by laying on her side and "hugging" a body pillow while also having a body pillow on her back so as not to roll over. She says it helped some, but not much.

THIS I can agree with 150%. Plus as many U-shaped, V-shaped, square, round or otherwise shaped pillows as she feels might be needed. But seriously, the pillows in the right places at this stage are quite important.

I understand where she's coming from about the separate beds thing - she possibly feels not at all like herself already, then you run off to sleep somewhere else. It's a very sensitive time.

If this is the biggest concern of your pregnancy experience, you are one of the blessed ones. All the best to all three of you.

edit:
the point of the pillows is to help her get comfortable sleeping anywhere but flat on her back. Which isn't all that good for her back anyway, and is (often) the main reason she's snoring.

 

[Mama Bear]

If you 'abandon' her at this point you will really hurt her... have you tried ear plugs? http://www.hearos.com/

 

[Beau J.]

I'm the father of three and I can tell you that each pregnancy brought out different behaviors/needs/cravings and "unusual-thought-processes" in my wife. The best you can do is love her and try to go along with whatever she's got going on. Later-maybe YEARS later-you can laugh with her about her antics. You'll definitely win some points for being a good man and hanging in there with her.

Good wishes to you and you growing family.

 

[dklaiman]

Congratulations. And I hope you've realized this is an argument you can't win. Logic has no place in this situation. Your only hope is to come home with flowers and Dilly Bars.

That being said, and having been through it 4 times, I have to agree with the comments about a humidifier. I'm not sure if it worked well to reduce my wife's snoring or if it was just the right sound to cancel out some of the noise from the snoring, but it helped. It also works well later on--you can claim you didn't hear the baby monitor because of the noise from the humidifier.

 

[Arrow]

I am a father of three grown children and can attest to the fact that this is a trying time, but will warn you that you are in for far worse before you get them off to college.
For now, I recommend this "sound machine". It plays a constant white noise sound of your choosing (we like the waterfall), and will help mask the sound of your wife's snoring. It's only $20 and is nice and flat. We travel with one whenever we stay at hotels as it helps mask the noises all hotels make all night long.

http://http://www.amazon.com/HoMedics-SS-2000-Relaxation-Machine-Nature/dp/B000F3QG0U/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293021627&sr=8-1

 

[CraigarTA]

Try the custom molded ear plugs it worked for, had to use them when my daughter was pregnant too and she was in the next room

 

[_MementoMori_]

You may as well get used to the "no sleep" thing now. Once the baby arrives, there's gonna be lots more of it.

 

[davecmu]

Congratulations, man!

One time, while traveling though Arizona, we stayed at a KOA operated by a Kiwi ex-pat named Alan. He was funny and gracious and flirted shamelessly (old man style) with my girlfriend at the time, who is now my wife. As we were settling our bill, he waved me in close, pulled out a sharpie, and secretly wrote me a note on the back of my receipt.

HAPPY WIFE = HAPPY LIFE

I've still got that note in my wallet, 10 years later. He was right. Stay in the bed, buy some ear plugs.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Congratulations on the impending little one!

Since your user name is USMC, my first thought was that I can't believe that this is the worst snoring you've ever heard. That's pretty impressive.

My advice to you is to get some earplugs if you have to and suck it up. Earlier posters make an important point when they say that women feel especially insecure and vulnerable during pregnancy. I think that it's as important to help her through that part of the ordeal as it is for you to get everything else ready for the baby. Make her comfortable with pillows and all the other good recommendations that you've got.

My experience so far has been that not everything in life can be organized for a win-win situation. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. In the end, your wife is the one carrying another growing human being inside her, and she's the one who is going to have to figure out how to deliver it in February. That's a lot of work. Maybe your sacrifice is going to be putting a good face on some snore-filled nights. But you're a Marine--you can handle that.

 

[BWagner]

Tylenol PM...buy the mega size at Costco!

And congratulations! Parenting is the toughest job you will ever love!

 

[Pkrankow]

Get the body pillows, get some extra thin pillows, some thicker pillows, get the humidifier. Ear plugs are a sticky topic with women, but my daughter had colic and earplugs helped then, but the grief was too much otherwise. The grief of using earplugs while my daughter was having a multiple hour fit was pretty bad too.

(Turned out my daughter has a food allergy to my wife's favorite foods, and that affected the mother's milk)

Sleeping on the couch is probably more acceptable than the guest bed. Moderation is key here, and napping is helpful.

http://www.amazon.com/Vicks-Warm-Mi...XKTA/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1293028993&sr=8-1
I got these humidifiers (3 of them) and the oldest is 5 years old. You can clean these easily. There is only a little hot water in the very bottom, if it gets knocked over there is a valve to keep the tank from spilling out.

Congratulations. Remember that guests are to be HELPFUL for the first few months. If they are not helpful, they have to leave. You set when they can visit, even if it upsets your guests (they can leave). Limit visits, keep the atmosphere calming for mom and baby(your guests can leave if they don't like this). Have them bring groceries and stuff you need to save you from wasting time.

Car trips help calm children and get them to sleep. If one of your parents want to stay a few nights to help make sure that you are involved in the child care. If Mom is up at night, you are up.

One more time, If Mom is up, You are up... and you will be happy about it (as best you can).

Congratulations and good luck.

Phil

 

[stobes21]

SWMBO = She Who Must Be Obeyed. Not she who is obeyed when I feel like it or she who mostly is obeyed. Must. You had your answer in the first 5 letters of your post, you just didn't realize it.

Anyway, congrats and good luck!