Advice on adoption

[breadstick]

My wife and I have been discussing adopting a child for a while and finally decided to do it. We want to get a few bills paid off and I'm stuck in South Korea for another 6 months, so we're looking at starting the process in about a year. If anyone has adopted a child (we'll be doing it in Illinois), I would love to hear about the process and any advice you could give.

I don't know if it would make a difference, but we're not looking to adopt a baby. It would be great, but from everything I've read, babies are the "hot commodity" when it comes to adoption, so we would like to get a kid a few years older that doesn't have such a good chance of being adopted.

 

[Chattyshaver]

Congratulations on your decision.

I have had two very close friends go through successful adoptions. The process can be very long and drawn out- costly also. You may want to make some inquires now to "get the ball rolling" before you return to the USA. The paperwork and interviews were endless.

Best of luck to you-

 

[LinuxMintyFresh]

Sorry, no advice, but I want to tell you that I think it's great! I have a friend whose whole lot of siblings were adopted and it's one of the most caring families I've met. Besides that they were all given a real chance at a successful life. Kudos.

 

[breadstick]

Thank you for the kind words. I don't have any friends or family that have adopted, so I was hoping someone on here would have and could lend some advice. I figured it would be quite a process, as it should be. It's not like buying a car or anything, so some work should be involved. I'm hoping being active-duty military might make it a little more painless since my entire life is even more documented than normal. I guess we'll see.

 

[jansob]

You definitely need to join some groups (either online communities or physical is they are within reach) and talk with other parents who have adopted. You will save yourself much much grief by knowing the ropes and what to expect before you start the process.

If it's for you (and it's not for everyone) consider adopting a non-white/non-asian child...they are much much harder to place. But lots depends on your circumstances and where you will live. A multiracial family will have a harder time in a rural area than an urban one.

Good luck and enjoy parenting...it's the hardest and most rewarding thing there is!

 

[Hawkeye5]

Two of my three children are adopted. The oldest will turn 30 in 2011, so I don't know that my rather dated experience would be helpful. Both were also adopted as infants, one private adoption, one from an agency.

If you would like, send me a PM and I can relate our experience.

 

[Wil Dorenbos]

Thank you for the kind words. I don't have any friends or family that have adopted, so I was hoping someone on here would have and could lend some advice. I'm hoping being active-duty military might make it a little more painless since my entire life is even more documented than normal.

I adopted my daughter, Anne from Haiti when she was about 2,5 years old. A lot of paperwork down here, but I can not tell you how things are in the US. Being "known" to the government did help here, so I hope it will help you too. Only thing I ever regretted was the fact I only did one

 

[Wendy]

Congrats on your decision. Friends of ours just adopted and it was a very long detailed process. I know the interview process went on for over a year. They went with an open adoption so it went a lot faster than some. Each year they reevaluate how many times the biological mother can see him. Maximum of two times. I would not have done open adoption but everyone is different.

 

[breadstick]

Again, thank you for all the replies. Race isn't really a factor for us as far as adopting. Most of my family wouldn't like if I brought home a non-white child, but I don't like them for it so that's not a problem. The only preference we have is we would like a girl because we already have two boys, but that's not a deal breaker if we find a boy. We would like a baby but I would rather adopt a child that would otherwise have a much lower chance of getting adopted because of their age. Because of recent (possibly) good news, we might be in a position to start the process when I get back from Korea in June.

 

[LuckyR]

Before I was actually a parent, I naturally knew everything there was to know abou childrearing. Now that I have some actual experience under my belt I would give you one piece of advice. Do not underestimate the impact of genetics in the final outcome of the child. I used to think it was all about the parenting, and don't get me wrong, as a parent you will have an impact ( a large one) on the child. But the impact of the genetics of the child is likely even larger.

 

[Hawkeye5]

Received your PM Breadstick. I'll get back to you, but I want to include my wife in the response.

I don't know how much has changed, and our situations are different. 30 years ago the chances of adoption into a family with two children already were slim. International adoption was no where as large then as it seems to be today.

The only reason we were able to adopt two (14 months apart) was the request of the birth parents that the second child have siblings. All rather complicated and I hope to give a clear picture of our two situations that were happening at the same time.

 

[mzmtg]

My wife and I are in the middle of adopting our first child from Ethiopia.

PM me if you'd like more info.

 

[Shavely Manden]

My wife and I have been discussing adopting a child for a while and finally decided to do it. We want to get a few bills paid off and I'm stuck in South Korea for another 6 months, so we're looking at starting the process in about a year. If anyone has adopted a child (we'll be doing it in Illinois), I would love to hear about the process and any advice you could give.

I don't know if it would make a difference, but we're not looking to adopt a baby. It would be great, but from everything I've read, babies are the "hot commodity" when it comes to adoption, so we would like to get a kid a few years older that doesn't have such a good chance of being adopted.

Where are you adopting from? My parents had to wait years for me (they adopted me as an infant), but the upshot was that they could pretty much start with a blank slate, other than, you know, different genetics. My uncle adopted his son as an eight-year-old from an Eastern European orphanage, and, while I love my cousin to death, he had some real problems adjusting (violent anger issues, kleptomania, bed-wetting, &c.). So, while I think it's really commendable that you're adopting an older kid, do be advised that they could be bringing along some emotional baggage.

 

[elkaholic]

My family adopted a baby girl from China while we were stationed in England. The best advice I can give you is this: Start Now! Why wait until you get back from Korea? There really is no reason to.

1. Your wife can research adoption agencies in your area or anywhere else, and you can discuss/decide which one to use when you do return. We were lucky to find one in our home state (OR) that was willing to work with us being overseas military. Also, look for someone to do your home-study.

2. You can decide whether or not you want to adopt international or domestic. Then research what the requirements are for each state or country.

3. You DO have some advantages since you are military. If you need fingerprints, go to the LE desk. Most local law ofices charge $70+ for each set, and you may have to provide two sets for each of you. Also, the LE desk can provide you with a background check, also free.

4. If you are required to provide copies of birth certificates, marriage license, etc. go to Vitalcheck.com now and order them. Most places want a crisp new copy, not the old, wrinkled original you've been carting around all over the world.

When my wife and I decided to adopt, this is what we did. We made our decision in Dec/Jan, researched what was needed, and started getting everything in order while we were searching for an agency that would work with us. By the time we decided on an adoption agency, the process went a LOT faster and smoother because we were already halfway through the initial paperwork.

Good luck and congratulations!