Two cannibals go the the carnival to grab a bite to eat. One turns to the other and says, "Does this clown taste funny to you?"
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
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Six of the seven dwarfs are sitting around the house one day when Sleepy rushes in and says, Guess what guys, Ive won a trip to see the Pope!
Everyone gets all excited and chants, We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, Do you have a question to ask me, young man?
Dopey looks up shyly and says, Well, yes. The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?
The Pope replies,Well, yes, Im sure we have nuns in Alaska. The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!
The Pope asks Dopey if theres more to his question, and Dopey continues, Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?
To which the Pope replies, Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes.
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!
The Pope asks Dopey, Is there still more to your question?
To which Dopey replies, Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?
The startled Pope replies, Well, no, my son, I really dont think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska.
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colours, and the others start laughing, and yelling, Dopey f***d a penguin, Dopey f***d a penguin!
Everyone gets all excited and chants, We finally get to ask him, we finally get to ask him.
The next day, they are standing in front of the Pope, Dopey out in front of the other six. All the other six start pushing Dopey and saying, Go ahead, Dopey, ask him, ask him!
The Pope looks at Dopey and asks, Do you have a question to ask me, young man?
Dopey looks up shyly and says, Well, yes. The Pope tells him to go ahead and ask.
Dopey asks, Well, do....do they have nuns in Alaska?
The Pope replies,Well, yes, Im sure we have nuns in Alaska. The others all keep nudging Dopey and chanting, Ask him the rest, Dopey, ask him the rest!
The Pope asks Dopey if theres more to his question, and Dopey continues, Well, uh, do they have, uh, black nuns in Alaska?
To which the Pope replies, Well, my son, I think there must be a few black nuns in Alaska, yes.
Still not satisfied, the others keep saying, Ask him the last part, Dopey, ask him the last part!
The Pope asks Dopey, Is there still more to your question?
To which Dopey replies, Well, uh, yeah..... are there, uh, are there any midget black nuns in Alaska?
The startled Pope replies, Well, no, my son, I really dont think there are any midget black nuns in Alaska.
At this, Dopey turns all kinds of colours, and the others start laughing, and yelling, Dopey f***d a penguin, Dopey f***d a penguin!
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? They don't have b*lls to scratch!
- Thread starter
- #64
OK, my turn and I share this with the hope nobody groans for a change:
Question: How can you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
Answer: The kitchen floor is covered in M&M shells.
(Yes, my wife is a brunette)
Question: How can you tell if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
Answer: The kitchen floor is covered in M&M shells.
(Yes, my wife is a brunette)
Two cannibals capture an explorer and proceed to eat him, one starting at the head and one at his feet. Pretty soon the guy at the feet pops up and says "Man! I'm really having a ball!"
The guy at the head says "Well slow down! You're eating too fast!"
Two string beans are walking down the street when a taxi jumps the curve and hits one. He is rushed to the hospital. His friend waits for several hours until the doctor comes out.
"How is he?" the other bean asks
"I think he will make it, but he is in a lifelong coma. He will always be a vegetable"
"How is he?" the other bean asks
"I think he will make it, but he is in a lifelong coma. He will always be a vegetable"
SuperJew, this cracked me up! If you don't mind, this will be my new rabbi-and-priest-friends joke.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
Two muffins are in an oven. The first muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Boy, it sure is getting hot in here." The second muffin looks at the first muffin and exclaims "Oh my god! A talking muffin!"
Where do cows go for fun on Friday nights?
To the MOOOOOOvies.
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A Polar bear walks into a restaurant and says to the waiter, "I'll have a seal steak......................... and a side order of lemmings." The waiter says...."What's with the big pause?" The bear replies, "I don't know... but my father had them, too!"
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A baby polar bear cub ask his mother one day, "Mom, am I a polar bear?"
"Of course you are, dear" she replied. "I'm a polar bear and you're a polar bear."
"I know that, Mom. But am I a real polar bear?
"Yes son." she replied. "Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your sisters and brothers are polar bears. We're a big polar bear family."
"OK Mom... but am I 100% polar bear?"
"Listen son. Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your grandparents and great grandparents were all polar bears. We come from a long line of polar bears, so of course, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm freezing cold!"
"Of course you are, dear" she replied. "I'm a polar bear and you're a polar bear."
"I know that, Mom. But am I a real polar bear?
"Yes son." she replied. "Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your sisters and brothers are polar bears. We're a big polar bear family."
"OK Mom... but am I 100% polar bear?"
"Listen son. Im a polar bear. Your dads a polar bear. Your grandparents and great grandparents were all polar bears. We come from a long line of polar bears, so of course, you are 100% polar bear. Why do you ask?"
"Because I'm freezing cold!"
what is the only thing a catapiller is afraid of?
a dogapiller
a dogapiller
An old man walks into the Police Station and says "Can you help me find my camel?"
The desk sargent looks up and plays along with the joke, so he pulls out a form and starts filling in a report.
He asks the man "What color is the camel?" "Where was it last seen?" "When was it last seen?" "Were there any witnesses?"
The old man gave quick, sure answers ... "Brown" "Main Street and Park Avenue" "3 O'Clock this afternoon" "No, I don't think so."
The sargent moved on down the paperwork, filling in the blanks ... he asks "Is it a male or a female?"
The old man was stumped for a few minutes.
He had to think really hard,
but he finally declared it to be a male camel.
The desk sargent asks "Are you sure it was a male camel?"
The old man says "Yes, I'm sure. Because every time I rode down Main Street,
people would point and say "Look at the schmuck on that camel."
The desk sargent looks up and plays along with the joke, so he pulls out a form and starts filling in a report.
He asks the man "What color is the camel?" "Where was it last seen?" "When was it last seen?" "Were there any witnesses?"
The old man gave quick, sure answers ... "Brown" "Main Street and Park Avenue" "3 O'Clock this afternoon" "No, I don't think so."
The sargent moved on down the paperwork, filling in the blanks ... he asks "Is it a male or a female?"
The old man was stumped for a few minutes.
He had to think really hard,
but he finally declared it to be a male camel.
The desk sargent asks "Are you sure it was a male camel?"
The old man says "Yes, I'm sure. Because every time I rode down Main Street,
people would point and say "Look at the schmuck on that camel."
What goes
"klippity-klop klippity-klop klippity-klop
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
klippity-klop klippity-klop klippity-klop"
?
"klippity-klop klippity-klop klippity-klop
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
klippity-klop klippity-klop klippity-klop"
?
a Drive By Shooting in Amish Country
Why do all labels on holy water use the Times Roman typeface?
Because it's the official baptismal font.
Because it's the official baptismal font.
Sure, go ahead! I've got others too. If this thread continues, I might feel inclined to release them eventually.
Also, love the avatar.
A brunette and a blonde are standing on opposite sides of a wide river. The brunette shouts to the blonde "How do I get to the other side of the river?"
The blonde shouts back "You're already ON the other side!!"
The blonde shouts back "You're already ON the other side!!"
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all rob a bank together. One of the clerks trips the alarm, and the girls high tail it out of there with the sheriff and his deputy in hot pursuit. They run across a potato farmer's field and into the barn.
Inside the barn, the brunette spots a pile of empty potato sacks and tells the girls to get in them, fast!
The sheriff and deputy show up moments later and look around. The sheriff asks if there's anything unusual, and the deputy replies "Nope. Nuthin' here but a few sacks of potatoes". The sheriff tells him to check it out.
The deputy goes over to the first sack, where the brunette is hiding, and give is a kick with his foot. "Woof" is the reply. "Hey sheriff, nuthin' in this sack but some ol' puppies!"
He goes to the second sack, which contains the redhead. Same routine - kick, "Meow", she says. "Nuthin' in here but some little kitties, sheriff!"
He moves on the third bag, where the blonde is hiding. He gives it a nudge with his boot and a voice comes from inside.
"Potatoes"
Inside the barn, the brunette spots a pile of empty potato sacks and tells the girls to get in them, fast!
The sheriff and deputy show up moments later and look around. The sheriff asks if there's anything unusual, and the deputy replies "Nope. Nuthin' here but a few sacks of potatoes". The sheriff tells him to check it out.
The deputy goes over to the first sack, where the brunette is hiding, and give is a kick with his foot. "Woof" is the reply. "Hey sheriff, nuthin' in this sack but some ol' puppies!"
He goes to the second sack, which contains the redhead. Same routine - kick, "Meow", she says. "Nuthin' in here but some little kitties, sheriff!"
He moves on the third bag, where the blonde is hiding. He gives it a nudge with his boot and a voice comes from inside.
"Potatoes"
What is the difference between weather and climate?
You can't weather a tree... but you can climate... sigh
You can't weather a tree... but you can climate... sigh
What's faster - hot or cold?
Hot obviously. You can always catch cold.
Hot obviously. You can always catch cold.
Slash McCoy
I freehand dog rockets
Four Rabbis were arguing over some obscure point of scripture. Three were in agreement, but one, Rabbi Epstein, stubbornly refused to go along with the others, and would not budge from his position. Finally, one of the three, Rabbi Freidman, suggests prayer, for wisdom enough for Rabbi Epstein to see the light, or at least a sign that the stubborn one might recognize as divine authority. They agree, and they pray. And pray, and pray, and PRAY. They are praying like crazy, pulling their hair, wailing, tearing their clothes, shedding tears of anguish, and generally causing a major uproar While Rabbi Epstein just stands there, arms folded across his chest, eyes rolling in exasperation, one foot tapping impatiently. Then, suddenly, a tremendously powerful voice booms down from the heavens, shaking the very earth beneath the feet of the three. "EPSTEIN IS RIGHT!" booms the voice, that can only have come from Almighty God. They all stand silently, in awe and shock, for a moment.
Then, just when Rabbi Epstein begins to smile in triumph, Rabbi Freidman hollers up at the sky, "Oh yeah? Well, it's still three against two!"
