Jokes that make you groan

[Go West Young Man]

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Ether
Ether who?
Ether Bunny

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Samoa
Samoa who?
Samoa ether bunnies
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Estelle
Estelle who?
Estelle samoa ether bunnies
Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Consumption
Consumption who?
Consumption be done about these ether bunnies????

 

[TheVez2]

There are 10 kinds of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

That's one of my favorites, here's another:

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

 

[luvmysuper]

That's one of my favorites, here's another:

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

That's great!!

 

[TheVez2]

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?

George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night?

 

[TheVez2]

OK, this is a link for the longest joke in the world. It is far to long to post outright. Hence the link. Trust me, if you are a fan of this thread, especially the first half of it, you're going to love this joke. Trust me, it is well worth your time, do not skip ahead!

enjoy...
http://longestjokeintheworld.com/

 

[Price]

A dyslexic guy walks into a bra...

 

[TheVez2]

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac?

He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

 

[oc_in_fw]

That's one of my favorites, here's another:

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

Had to think about that for a second- haven't used octal since school. I use hex and binary quite a bit, though.

 

[professorchaos]

John Kerry walks into a bar. The bar tender says to her, "Hey Baby, why the long face?"

ftfy

ftffy

 

[oc_in_fw]

ftfy

Our local sports station (1310 the Ticket) was doing entertainment news. One of the hosts said something to the affect of "SJP was seen running down the street" and, without missing a beat, the other host said "undoubtably at full gallop". I laughed so hard I almost wrecked.

 

[kingfisher]

Nurse says to the doctor, "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."
Doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him."

 

[dpm802]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?

Spoiler

A five ton sandwich that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

 

[RichGem]

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter?

Spoiler

A five ton sandwich that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

What does an elephan get when he sits on a marshmellow?

A mushy tushy.

 

[Proinsias]

Cheese jokes make people groan:

Someone hit me with a piece of cheese in work today
I said "That's mature"

What type of cheese is made backwards?
EDAM

What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?
hello me

What type of cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a cave?
Come on bear

Sorry

 

[TheVez2]

What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?

Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

 

[dpm802]

Cheese jokes make people groan:

Someone hit me with a piece of cheese in work today
I said "That's mature"

What type of cheese is made backwards?
EDAM

What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?
hello me

What type of cheese do you use to coax a bear out of a cave?
Come on bear

Sorry

Ha ... that's pretty gouda!
When I hear funny jokes like that,
I snap to attention and render a Port Salut.




A lady calls the concierge at the fancy hotel and asks him to fill the bathtub with whole milk.
The concierge asks "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The lady answers "No, just up to my neck will be fine.

 

[Price]

Ha ... that's pretty gouda!
When I hear funny jokes like that,
I snap to attention and render a Port Salut.

Ha! You've ricotta be kidding me!

 

[beengone]

Posted this a little while ago as its own thread, so hope putting it here too isn't in bad form.

SHAVE &HAIRCUT

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut, but he tells the old barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The old barber replied:"Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

 

[CanisiusHistGrad]

Ha! You've ricotta be kidding me!

::audible groan::

 

[mantic]

Bad spellers of the world, untie!

Dyslexics of the world, untie!