** PIF ** Marriage Advice PIF: Simpson Brush and Software up for Grabs!

Discussion in 'General Shaving Discussion' started by arm017, May 8, 2012.

  1. Gents,

    I would first like to thank each and every member here at B&B. It is a wonderful forum that I know many of us are glad to call home. It has been a wealth of information to everyone and has taught men everywhere how to properly shave. I would now like to give back through this PIF. So without further ado, I present to you my Marriage Advice PIF.



    Background

    I am getting married in December. I hit a home run with this one! She is a beautiful, sweet, and caring person who I really love. She is wonderful, and I look forward to a great life together. She has even been known to take a brush to some soap for herself!


    Contest

    I would like your advice on marriage. It does not matter your own story (long, short, divorced, widowed, or hetero/ homosexual). What has been the biggest challenges, the best parts of marriage, how to minimize fights, whatever piece of information or wisdom you would like to share. There is no stipulation on length. The only rule here is that you post content relating to marriage. Also please keep all information in the thread, not a PM.

    To enter into this contest, simply reply to this thread your piece of advice you would like to share. I will sit down and select the top three posts (1st, 2nd, and 3rd place). I invited any and all to post regardless if you would like to be entered into the PIF. If you do not wish to have any of the items, simply title your post N/A, and I will skip over you when it comes time to choose.

    The PIF will run for one week: Starting today May 8th to May 15th ending at 3:00 PM CST. I will cover shipping costs to where they need to go. As usual, in the nature of a PIF, I ask that if you dislike the item or find yourself not using it, the PIF it to the next. And definitely don't sell it!


    Prizes!!

    1st Place: Simpson Persian Jar 1 Super Badger

    This is a wonderful brush with a nice long handle making it great for bowl lathering. The knot is Super badger grade 22/ 44 mm. It has been known to shed a hair or two every couple shaves. A great brush that I don't have room for in my rotation.

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    *Make sure to scroll down, 2nd and 3rd place prizes are below. Good luck! Thank you in advance for your advice.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2012
  2. That is extremely generous. Congrats on getting married too!
     
  3. Contratulations! I hope you both have a long and happy life together.

    Here's my advice: You and she are getting along so well now, when you are not married. After you are married, pretend that you are not married. Do not let your attempts to fill unrealistic roles ("husband" 'wife") spoil an otherwise wonderful relationship.
     
  4. Congratulations!

    Love is a choice. Sometimes, it is a continually challenged choice. In marriage, one must continually decide to love one's spouse. It's not always easy, but it's very helpful in the long run. If you're both on the same page with this, your challenges will be a lot easier to deal with.
     
  5. Congratulations!

    My advice is you must *not* be afraid to fight. Don't avoid arguments because they make you feel bad. If you argue the correct way they can help you grow in your relationship. Don't go in circles and actually listen to each other, and try to find a way or make a plan to resolve the root problem or whatever is causing the fights. Just ignoring the problem will let it fester and make the eventual conflict much more dramatic than it needs to be. That being said, don't go *looking* for a fight. Don't purposely try to provoke a petty squabble over a minor annoyance or take out frustrations from other sources on her. What your boss said that day doesn't need to affect how you feel towards her. Also, stay focused on the problem the fight is about, don't let it spiral down into name calling and pointless ad hominem.

    Fighting is ok. Just have good fighting etiquette and use the fights as a way to work towards a solution rather than as a way to tear each other down.

    Also I doubt we're able to submit two bits of advice but this one is also very important so I want to throw it in anyways. Taking care of finances is very important! Statistically, this is what splits most couples. Be honest and open about your spending and have a budget both of you can agree to. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure as hell relieves a lot of stress!
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2012
  6. Marriage..its about give n take..kinda like if I did the dishes my wife would take out the trash..lol...hey..its true!..or visa versa...nothing wrong with arguing...just dont go off on a subject..my wife gets annoyed about that..lol..hek if you didnt argue or converse..then something ISNT right...she has an opinion..you have one as well..now you have 2 idea..perfectly fine.
    there is no I in WE..no ME in TEAM..its about the big picture not the tiny details..she doesnt feel well I bust my butt to make her happy..why?..she has done the same in the past when I dont feel well..I workout 3x a week..she LOVES her Zumba class 2x a week...so..I rush a bit to the gym and workout a bit quicker and rush home so SHE can enjoy HER workout class..again..give n take..and if kids are involved..well..I asked my wife..honey is it cold outside"..no..she has a jacket in the car..NO..I meant for me..not our daughter!..lol...so..mom puts daughter as priority sometimes...no biggie..ill be a man n figure out what I need for myself be it for them or just myself..again..it takes 2 to raise 1 kid and sometimes the parents need to "step it up" to raise more than just 1..if 3 show up well...priorities change to the kids..but the parents stay to workout the BIG picture as apposed the small details which usually aernt ab big deal anyways...i.e. paying mortgage or rent vs well..do I want take out or eat at home tonight..meh..end result is eating non the less..these are my marriage tips ;-)
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2012
  7. 2nd Place Prizes: D.R. Harris Marlborough and Institut Karite Shaving Soaps


    These soaps are milled into these stainless steel containers. Only been used a couple times a piece. Very solid performers.

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    $104_2486.jpg
     
  8. 3rd Place: QCS Vostok, Valobra Menthol, and VDH

    These have been used less than a couple times. Ready for your enjoyment.

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    $104_2489.jpg
     
  9. Congratulations my friend. As a twice divorced divorce attorney, I may seem like an odd fellow to be giving advice. But since I too am on the verge of getting married, it's safe to say I haven't given up on the institution.

    As a veteran of failed marriages and numerous failed relationships, I couldn't help noticing how few really great marriages there are. I meet plenty of divorced people. I meet plenty of married people with all sorts of undercurrents of frustration and resentment running constantly. But truly happy people seem a rarity. So I would have thought myself the last person who might find himself in one of those elusive, great marriages. And yet I think that's what I have now. We're living together and were spiritually married two years ago. It's been an amazingly beautiful journey.

    Here are the keys as I see them:

    1. First thing, you gotta know that "She's really hot" is not a good reason to marry someone. And, no; I don't care how hot she is. Beauty fades, not only with age but also with familiarity. If you don't like a woman, she won't seem attractive after a while no matter how attractive she may be on the outside. So forget about "cute and crazy"; go for "plane and sane."

    2. If you really love and respect someone, and she loves and respects you, the attraction will grow. Friendship is a great place to begin a relationship. If there doesn't seem to be chemistry at first, that can actually be a good thing. Don't stop with the outer picture. Focus on who the person is underneath. This may not work with someone you find positively repulsive, but know that attraction can and does grow.

    3. Know that everything in the marriage is a mirror. What I mean by that is no matter how badly she seems to behave, you have the power to diffuse it. If she's triggered by something, an open heart and a willingness to listen and express empathy will allow her heart to open. People only get caught in conflict when both are triggered at the same time. Then no one's there to hold the other and they spiral down the abyss into conflict. At times like that, recognize the places where you're caught and do whatever you need to do to get yourself uncaught. If that means taking some space, do so.

    4. Memorize and frequently use the three most important words there are in relationship. Those words are (are you ready?) . . . "You make sense." Now, to be clear, "you make sense" does not mean "you were right about everything; I was wrong; I'll go pack my overnight and set it in the dog house." It does mean, "I get where you're coming from. I see how, from where you're standing, things would seem that way. If I were in your shoes, they'd probably look very much like that for me." Tell her specifically what makes sense about what she's saying. Be honest too. This isn't about snowing anyone. It's about true empathy. There's always some aspect of what the other person is holding that makes sense. Knowing that you're open to her point of view will help her to feel heard and open space for her to now hear where you're coming from.

    5. There is no happily ever after. There will be times when things seem wonderful. There will be challenging times too. Relationships only go south when people forget that they can turn their hearts back to each other. So the key isn't simply in choosing the right princess (though that is part of it) but rather in having the skills to successfully navigate feelings and conflict when it arises.

    6. You know the cliche about having two ears and one mouth because we were designed to listen more than speak? Take it to heart. Women need to be heard. As guys, we tend to want to fix things. Women hate to be fixed. They love to be engaged through listening. There's almost nothing that won't get better for a women when she feels heard.

    7. Women tend to be accommodating. This is not a good thing because problems can go under the radar. They just keep accommodating and accommodating, taking another step back and another and another until they reach the edge of a cliff and then, with no more space to back up, they blow up. I've seen more marriages end in this way. The poor clueless schmuck ends up in my office saying, "I don't know what happened. I didn't see it coming." Sometimes the woman will end things by having an affair. This can be particularly devastating. Look out for accommodating behavior and do your best to draw her out in expressing her true needs and feelings. This ties in nicely with listening (above) and "You make sense" (also above).

    I could go on and on but that's enough for now. Take those to heart and it will carry you a long way.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2012
  10. First of all, congratulations on getting married. This is a great PIF please include me.

    I have been married for 3.5 years to a wonderful woman, but we won't get into specifics. So here is my advice:
    1. Don't forget to eat on the day before your wedding when you are setting everything up. My wife and I forgot and we were both irritable.
    2. Be friends and talk, because friends are supposed to talk. Talk about anything and everything. Be comfortable talking to one another as a marriage is a marathon (not a sprint), being able to comfortably talk to one another will help you out in the end. My wife's grandparents have been married for 51 years and they still talk a lot and are definitely not in the "honeymoon" stage.
    3. Love each other. "Remember that the greatest is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other!" i don't know who said this quote (although I'm sure that a quick google search would probably yield the author i have not done it) but a friend of mine had this and showed it to me, and i truly believe it.
    4. And if the above fails, just remember "A happy wife = a happy life"

    Thank you again for the PIF and good luck.
     
  11. Wow. Generous PIF.

    I've been married for 20 years, and here is my marriage advice. A good marriage is centered around the "Four C's."

    Commitment. Both of you devote yourself to each other. Nothing comes between you. Rough times bring you closer together, not farther apart.

    Companionship. Spend time with one another. If one wants to go for a walk, the other should go, too. Learn to say no to other competing things in order to continue to spend time with your wife.

    Communication. Talk to each other. Express your concerns, fears, feelings, etc. Listen to her when she talks. Let her know that you value her by paying attention when she tells you something.

    Courtesy. This is something that is often lost over time in a relationship, but it's really important to not let that happen. When she does something nice for you, say "Thank you." When you need something, say "Please." Praise her whenever you can. Open the door for her. When she asks if you can help with something, drop what you're doing and say, "Of course I can help you." Just be nice to each other. It's sad that most people are more pleasant to their neighbors or even to total strangers than they are to their own wives.
     
  12. My advice is to have kids. NOTHING pulls two people closer than looking at the little person(s) they've created together.
    Yeah, yeah - I know having kids is not for everyone, and that there are some people out there who REALLY SHOULDN'T contribute to the gene pool, but I believe if two people are committed to each other and willing to do what it takes for their kids, they'll lose the selfishness that ruins a lot of marriages and make it together regardless of obstacles.
    And by the way, another important consideration is sex. If it ain't perfect, practice until it is. (See note above.)
     
  13. EAP

    EAP

    This is a great idea... I think most of us could stand to reflect on what makes marriage successful or not. Anyhow, my wife and I will hit ten years in June. Well--according to the city of Las Vegas we will. According to our folks, we'll hit ten years in December. But that's a whole different story...

    My quick thoughts:

    1. Be best friends with your wife. Be a team. She's your best partner in crime, adventure buddy, whatever.

    2. Someone else touched on this one: don't automatically try to fix things, sometimes all you need to do is listen.

    3. If you ever start thinking that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, consider this.... It may very well be--until you're on the other side of the fence.

    And, lastly, congratulations!
     
  14. A good quote that I have written on a piece of paper on my dresser that I see every morning:

    "True love is not so much a matter of romance as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of ones companion."

    Always kiss her goodnight.

    Always let her have the last piece of cake. It's a win/win. She will think you are being generous and will most likely turn it down and you will then get it!

    Good luck with the marriage and congrats!
     
  15. Great PIF and idea. Please don't include me in the draw, but I will give advice nonetheless.

    On being married to a woman: You may never want to tell her this, but it is something that me and many of my friends have found. As superior as woman are to men, if she hasn't eaten recently, had enough sleep, or is under stress about something - she can turn on you or be unreasonable unfairly. If you find yourself in a heated dispute that lacks merit have the presence of mind to halt the discussion and make a sandwich or at least buy yourself some time. Most importantly, don’t hold a grudge once the dust has settled and don’t lose your cool or say anything you may regret before the sandwich etc.

    On the big day: You probably won’t be able to see her on the day or right before you walk down the aisle. She is going to have a lot on her mind. So, make sure that you get a nice bouquet of flowers (ideally you know her favourite flower). A few minutes before you take your place and before she gets ready to walk down the aisle, ask a groomsman, bridesmaid, her dad or anybody else to give her the bouquet with a quick 5 or 6 word note from you. It will do wonders to help her feel loved and thought of.

    Good Luck.
     
  16. Congratulations! I was married 7 months ago, and things are starting to settle down and we are really starting to 'click.'

    My advice is twofold, though having not been married very long take it with a grain of salt.

    1.) I don't know your beliefs or living situation (not commenting either way), but if you have not lived together, understand the first month of sleeping together (the actual sleeping part) is very rough. It took us about 6 weeks to actually learn to sleep in the same bed. I would toss and turn and be uncomfortable all night. Its not that its actually all that uncomfortable or that shes touching you, its just that you are aware she is there and that makes it hard to sleep. We fought a lot in the morning and finally came to realize it was because neither of us were sleeping well.

    2.) VERY IMPORTANT! BRING SNACKS! I would estimate 82.34% of our fights can be avoided if we could just raise our blood sugar. I have seen first hand a snack stop a fight cold. The trick is getting the other to eat it without being offensive...

    Thank you for the generous PIF, and may you have many happy years together!
     
  17. To echo some of the previous advice. Sometimes life gets busy, remember why you married that wonderful person. Take the time to appreciate them and show them. Sometimes they'll get on your nerves, and you on theirs. It's okay, it happens. But at the end of the day you have to remember no matter how annoyed or irritated you got, that you're there for a reason.

    Oh and it's generally an easier life to just accept that they're usually right, even if they're not (that's mostly kidding).

    Congradulations!
     
  18. Been married to a wonderful woman for 28 years. 3 kids, last one graduating High School in a few days. We've seen the majority of issues most any married couple face. I'm definitely one of those guys that married over their heads. My tidbits of advice are simple but I believe very effective.

    1 - It doesn't matter which way the toilet paper is oriented on the wall any more than it matters if the tooth paste is squeezed form the center of the tube. Don't sweat the small stuff and be smart enough to know what those things are.

    2 - Disagreements will without doubt arise but fighting isn't OK. If you simply accept that you are going to fight you know doubt will. Be as willing to listen as you are to talk. It's okay to walk away if the discussion gets heated. Have an agreement in place that allows for either of/or both parties to step away for a time until calmer heads can prevail with the understanding that you will come back and talk about the issue once you've both had a chance to think it through. Understand up front that some of the main points of contention will arise when it comes to money, sex and religion. Make sure both parties are involved in the finances and setting up a budget, it will prevent many misunderstandings. Understand what your partner's religious expectations are, particularly if two differing sets of beliefs are coming together. Listen to your partners needs and desires.

    3 - Do whatever you can do to ensure that you don't go to bed mad. This can even be accomplished even during the time out of an argument as long as both parties understand the agreement (see #2). No one is right all the time and sometimes being right isn't all what it is cracked up to be. If you are the continual cause of your wife's tears, you really need to reexamine the cost and gain of the situation. Pride can be an awfully big stumbling block.

    Pa's the boss as everyone knows but what Ma says always go. Remember that if your wife is happy your relationship will go much more smoothly. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

    4 - Don't argue in front of the children. No good will ever come from this and all it does is to put children in a position where they must choose sides. Where possible show that Mom and Dad are united, particularly when it comes to disciplining or setting rules for a child.

    5 - I feel that this little piece is very important and it is so easy to do. Tell/show your wife that you love her everyday of your life. No matter where you are in life even during times of financial hardship find a way to honor your wife on her Birthday, Mothers Day, Anniversary and other special occasions. Even when purse strings are tight an appropriate card, a flower, a sincere, I love you and and a hug will go along way. It also puts you in a position of never having a wife come back to you and say you forgot me. Teach your children to do the same thing with their Mother. Be free and easy with "I Love You."

    6 - Don't become an old married couple it's very easy to do, if you want this to happen do nothing at all. Make arrangements to have a date night, Friday for example. Go out and do the things you did when you fell in love. Keep the relationship young. This becomes even more important once kids come into the picture. Be a couple at least one night each week. Be an awesome family the other 6 nights. Date nights need not be expensive, it's all about you two being together away from the routine.

    7 - Live your marriage vows to the very letter and in spirit. Until "death do us part" means exactly that, don't look at this as a trial run. This is it! Talk about these things, agree upon and implement these before you both say "I do."

    I wish you health and a bit of luck in a long and happy marriage.
     
    Last edited: May 8, 2012
  19. maxman

    maxman Moderator Emeritus

    I subscribed to this thread so I could read this again and again.
    wonderful advice. Thank you.
     
  20. Thank you my friend; that's very kind. It's gratifying when people find value in what one has to share.
     

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