** PIF ** Marriage Advice PIF: Simpson Brush and Software up for Grabs!

[LakeCharles]

1. I second the advice about eating before your wedding, and in general just try to make sure you are comfortable in all the ways you can control. There are enough variables that you can't control so make sure you handle the ones you can control.

2. As for marriage, just talk about everything! If you're feeling resentful or angry or ignored, just address the topic. You'll feel so much happier getting whatever it is out in the open.

3. Say you're sorry. Lots of times we feel too proud to say it but it's a huge way to move past some (real or perceived) transgression. This especially holds for things you might consider minor.

4. Have fun and good luck!

 

[AndreasDK]

Congratulations, my friend!

I believe you will find happiness and a much greater depth of appreciation of love as it becomes a lifelong commitment.

The advise I`d like to pass on would be to not consider love as a matter of how many or how pleasant feelings you can gain from the marriage but to focus on how many and wonderful things you are able to put into the marriage.
If you both have this attitude the love will never "run dry".

I sincerely wish you all the best.
I am certain you will become thrilled of experiencing the joy of giving regardless of circumstances. After all... Giving is the best part of life and what people will remember us for rather than status, money and ability.
Keep your eyes on the intent and all will be good :-D

 

[sp514]

First of all, congratulations and I hope you the best in your marriage.

My advice would be to Communicate.

Your wife is your best friend and life partner. Tell her anything and everything you have on your mind, she might seem to be able to read your mind but actually she can't and it's important to know that. Two most important topics that people seem to neglect are finances and health.

Talk of money, expectations, where does she want to live, close to your work or her work, in what neighbourhood. How much do you guys want to save and how much do you want to spend. Talk about health. It's not embarassing to talk about health issues. It's important part of life and it shouldn't be disregarded as something that isn't important.
[FONT=verdana, arial, helvetica, sans-serif]
In my opinion, communication is the best way to ensure both of your happiness. May your marriage be filled with laughter and joy.
[/FONT]

 

[eth]

There may not be an "I" in "we", but there absolutely is an "I" in "marriage". As with any marriage, there are three parties in your upcoming: you, her, and we (as in the two of you). No matter who, whenever one of them does not have their needs cared for, the "we" will always be at a loss. Care for your partner, care for your relationship, but still: care for yourself. If not, you will some day not be the "we" you wanted to be.

And of course, congratulations! Have you decided your lineup for the wedding day shave yet?

 

[bladegap]

I have been married over a dozen years, which isn't all that long, but both my parents and my wife's parents have marriages that span more than half a century, so I have had the opportunity to observe some fairly successful marriages (and, growing up in part in Southern California, many not so successful ones).

My biggest piece of advice is, first, think about how lucky you feel right now. Remember that feeling, and why you feel that way. If need be, write it down, but it is best just to hold it very close. No matter what happens down the road, and there is bound to be ups and downs in any life, find a way to find your way back to that feeling. Even better, get in the habit every night before you fall asleep to remind yourself of how lucky you are.

Note, this does not mean you will not fight, or you have to agree to everything she proposed. You are a human being and if you are going to build a single community together, you have to be happy in it too. But it does help avoid feelings of having to score a point back or carrying a grudge over some perceived slight or loss. Remember, you are in it together, and the luckier you feel, the happier you both will be.

On the tough side, I do not think there is anything tougher on a marriage than having a child with a physical or emotional problem. I do not speak idly when I say that I would rather get cancer myself than have a child get it, and do not assume that it is bad parenting that causes ADD or other emotional challenges in children, though the reverse may be true I have seen very strong marriages fray badly from trouble with children, and I have no magic bullet on how to deal with it. My words of wisdom are to try to rationalize such troubles as earning your parenting stripes (people with easy children only get parenting basics, you get to take the graduate courses!) and, again, don't forget how lucky you are in your spouse.

 

[wbj509]

Never buy flowers as an apology. Nothing says I'm sorry like a genuine apology. In my world, flowers are given on any given day of my choosing (which is often) but I have a specific reason for doing so. (i.e. Honey, you really did a kick-*** job on your eye shadow today and boy did it keep my engine running while I was away from you) you can tweak the verbage, but you flirted with her when you were dating to get her attention - keep doing it and mean it. You asked her to marry you because she was special and she needs continual reminders of that. Guys will continue to be jerks that will float along and be jealous of the awesomeness that you have and it will be tested - but rest assured that keeping that little fire alight in her heart and any other dude out there will just be a blurry blob that talks like the teacher in the CHarlie Brown shows. You guys rock and Congratulations.

 

[Amzimbo]

Learn to laugh together. Life is full of hard moments. Laughter can be the lubricant that helps you get through them together. Plus, if you develop the habit early, it'll be strong when the inevitable tough times hit.

Congrats and best of luck.

 

[njpaddy]

Congratulations. I've got my 43rd anniversary coming up in a couple of months. Some suggestions other than some good ones before me:

1. Don't sweat the small stuff. Looking back, most of our biggest arguments were over small stuff.
2. Don't let the highs get too high or the lows too low. Realize that life has a way of balancing things out over time.
3. Money or lack thereof is one of the greatest strains on a marriage. Get on the same wavelength and learn to manage it...together...from the beginning.

 

[HLS]

My advice:

1)There is more than one right way.
2) Live deliberately
3) Read up on EI (emotional intelligence)
4) Don't rush into having children. Enjoy each other for the first couple of years. Children are beautiful, but require alot of everything. When you do have children remember #1 above.
5) Get this: http://www.amazon.com/The-Heart-Sou...tmm_abk_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1336503410&sr=1-2 They talk about true intentions. Very helpful.
6) You will argue about money, sex, children, inlaws, her/your friends. Think now about how you will respond. A thought out response is always better than a reactive one.
7) When she's talking about her troubles, she doesn't always want a solution. Sometimes, if not most times, she just wants you to listen.


There's so much more and I will come back and add to this I'm sure. If you want to PM me I love to talk about this sort of thing.

Jim

 

[stuy119]

Figure out the money issues now. Work on sample budgets. Make sure your attitudes and goals are aligned. Nothing will wreak more havoc on a marriage than money issues. Our Puritanically based society has taught us not to talk about money, except to complain when we don't have it, so that's what happens. Be open and honest about it, set goals that you each work towards, and live within your means.

The rest is pretty easy, but money is the root of all evil - especially when it comes to marriage.

 

[eastrun]

TEAMWORK. You two are on the same team from here on in. Realize that and you will be happy.

 

[COHunter]

Congratulations!
I've been married to a positively angelic woman for almost 12 years now. We have been through a ton of negative stuff in our marriage that could have ended us several times over. Medical issues, job loss, money, you name it. My advice is that no matter what life throws out at you, you're stronger together than you are separate. Don't let life's challenges drive you apart, make them drive you closer together.

 

[AgBill]

Congrats!!! I've been married for 6 years, and each passing year has been better than before.

It may seem like a cliche, but if I could pass down any knowledge at all, it is the value of communication. Mountains really are made out of mole hills due to this issue. Talk to her, and talk often. If you aren't sure what she feels or thinks about something, ASK! Establish this a norm early on in your marriage. This prevents those small things from being blown out of proportion and when you do have something major come up, you'll have established the skills to talk it through together.

Before we were married, we had a fight over doing the dishes --- yes... the dishes. Except it was I that felt as though I was constantly doing the dishes and taking out the trash!!! No gender roles here! Instead of voicing my desire for her to help more, I let it stew and suddenly it went from dishes to an example of her general lack of commitment to the relationship! [Drama queen.] After a decent tiff and heart to heart, she'd had no idea that I was THAT irritated. I also learned that she never noticed the dishes or trash --- probably because of my own OCD. Long story short (as absurd as it sounds), if I had just been more verbal and talked to her, a whole lot of BS would have been avoided. Since then, a lot of potential mis-understandings have been avoided due to our effort on open communication. You do it long enough and it become habit, a way of interacting.

Good luck!!! Your next task is to get her into DE shaving (if you haven't already).

 

[PugslyCat]

Congratulations on the upcoming nuptuals!

As buy in to your extremely generous PIF I offer the following: Don't sweat the small stuff.

That seems simple enough, but I've been married twice. The first ended in an extremely ugly divorce because one of us obsessed over details that should have been inconsequential and the other didn't. My second wife and I actually had significant differences, but we both realized what wasn't worth fighting about.

 

[bakerbarber]

Congratulations!

Make sure you're able to always count the positive characteristics of your spouse many times more than you can notice their flaws.

Always be on the same side, whether you agree or not. Part of being mature is being able to disagree while keeping your ability to openly discuss anything.
When in doubt, yield on the little things.

Always be there for each other. Once married, you and your spouse become a family. Putting your family first even before each other's family when necessary.

Do not argue over money. Do discuss finances. Do not keep secrets regarding assets, unless you're surprising with a gift.

Be willing to sacrifice large and small for each other, and be willing to accept support from each other.

Laugh and cry together. Enjoy the rain and the sunshine together. Travel together. Ask people to take your picture when you're together. Smile!

Never forget a birthday or an anniversary.

Believe in each other, support each other's dreams, believe that you will achieve anything you wish together.

Be solid and unwavering in your vows to each other.

Don't leave a disagreement unresolved before bed.

It will never be 50-50 and you may need her to give 95% some days. Others you will have to. Don't keep score.

Be spontaneous. Don't ever become an old man.

Don't be those people who finish each other's sentences and text each other all day.

Remind her that you are who you are occasionally, and that no woman has ever succeeded in changing a man who has been told he has to change. Be ready for her to change, frequently. Keep the '28 days' in the back of your mind when you're being yelled at. Don't suggest, EVER, that that may be what she's upset about.

You're allowed to be silent. Speak less, but say what is important.

Set out to convince her you cannot read minds. This will be the path to many disagreements if you fail to achieve this understanding.

If you ask what's wrong and she says, "everything's fine" or something to that effect. You're in trouble.

Bring home flowers for no reason a few times a year. (send them to her office too)

Make a point to see a movie, have a nice dinner, or go to a concert- sporting event- or whatever, together at least once a month. Despite your busy schedules.

Always be happy to see each other and be happy to be seen.

Actually listen some times. If you don't, you may end up agreeing to something you would not have otherwise agreed too!!

Buy a house with separate bathrooms.

 

[Mick]

Best advice is one word:

Listen.

 

[ksb63]

Congratulations, lots of wonderful advice so far. So after all that good advice mime is to learn to say "Yes dear. " little stuff does not matter she wants house to be green and you hate green as long as doesn't violate home owners association paint it green. Life is to short to fight about supid crap. As long as money is there to pay bills and put some away new shoes don't matter.

 

[prsman23]

My advice has helped me the most. It's the easiest thing to do to keep things on track. Always put your relationship at or near the top of the list. I know this may seem counter-intuitive especially when children are brought into the picture. (I'm not saying neglect your kids) What I am saying is spend time together.
Have bare minimum 10-15 of alone time, and not just sex.
10-15 minutes nose to nose, cuddling, whatever floats your boat. During this time remind each other what you love about one another. Bring up memories of when you first saw her, your first date sweet things.
EVERY DAY no exceptions. That way you both know how much you mean, and always have time to spend together.

That, and forget the whole don't go to bed mad thing. If it can be solved, solve it. But it does no one any good to stay up til 3 fighting and going to work/life crabby the next day.

 

[Kinsofboo]

I just got married on Saturday so I don't have a wealth of knowledge, but I would say don't try and change anything. She loves you for who you are.

 

[zekevin]

Congrats!
I've only been married a couple of years but the one thing that I think started our marriage off on the right foot was mentioned earlier- Don't change your relationship just because you're married. Do the same things that you used to do, act the same way you always acted. I've known a few couples whose relationships were destroyed because when they married they began to act how they thought married people weer supposed to act.
Also, keep a good sense of humor: about yourselves, your relationship, and everything else!
All the best!