Whisker classification system

[NZDavid]

In the spirit of scientific accuracy, along with the prevailing tendency towards AAT (Acronym Accumulation Tendency), may I humbly suggest a Whisker Classification, or Whisker Grading System (WCS or WGS)?

Just as sandpaper, and sheep or goat’s wool, is graded from superfine to supercoarse, why not whiskers? (Although microns, as for sheep and goat’s wool, might be a bit hard.)

You may well be able to think of better suggestions – in which case this post could perhaps form the basis of a new sticky? Or perhaps just some new abbreviations to add to the list?

So, which are you?

Grade I: WDD. Wispy Duck Down. Your whiskers don’t grow so much as gently appear like the summer dew. But you still need to tidy up the fuzz now and then or you will look decidedly goat (or duck) like.

Grade II: SSP: Standard Sand Paper. Your face may develop a grayish tinge and the infamous 5 o’clock shadow, but basically your whiskers are well tamed and controllable so long as you follow the proper regimen. Rate your sandpaperiness by rubbing your face against a block of timber (but not your mahogany dining table).

Grade III: CS. Coarse Stubble. Your whiskers sprout fast and furiously. Care is called for or your 5 o’clock shadow will appear soon after lunchtime. Your stubble could help to provide extra friction for industrial machine parts.

Grade IV: MMF. Magnetized Metal Filings. Super-tough, irresolute, recalcitrant stubble that will stubbornly fight all but the most aggressive of razors and disciplined of shaving techniques.

FYI, my whiskers fall neatly, or nearly neatly, into the CS category, although they can be transformed into SSP with proper control.

 

[Excavator61]

So, which are you?

Grade I: WDD. Wispy Duck Down. Your whiskers don’t grow so much as gently appear like the summer dew. But you still need to tidy up the fuzz now and then or you will look decidedly goat (or duck) like.

Grade II: SSP: Standard Sand Paper. Your face may develop a grayish tinge and the infamous 5 o’clock shadow, but basically your whiskers are well tamed and controllable so long as you follow the proper regimen. Rate your sandpaperiness by rubbing your face against a block of timber (but not your mahogany dining table).

Grade III: CS. Coarse Stubble. Your whiskers sprout fast and furiously. Care is called for or your 5 o’clock shadow will appear soon after lunchtime. Your stubble could help to provide extra friction for industrial machine parts.

Grade IV: MMF. Magnetized Metal Filings. Super-tough, irresolute, recalcitrant stubble that will stubbornly fight all but the most aggressive of razors and disciplined of shaving techniques.

FYI, my whiskers fall neatly, or nearly neatly, into the CS category, although they can be transformed into SSP with proper control.[/QUOTE]


This is the best post I have ever seen on this forum.

However, the poster left out Grade V. Sprouting piano wire stubble requiring either a Feather blade to remove.... or by being burnt off by fire.

 

[SRock]

I'd say I fall between Grade III and IV. So does that make me a Grade III.V?

Excellent post BTW. I could see this helping out the newbies to the Wet Shaving World.

 

[Mr. Igg]

Excellent post BTW. I could see this helping out the newbies to the Wet Shaving World.

Absolutely agree. This is something I've thought about for a while, and I'm glad you pulled the trigger.

I think I'm a pretty solid III. I shave daily, and if I don't start the day with BBS, I'll easily see my 5 o'clock stubble visit me by 1 or 2 PM.

 

[Joshua Da Silva]

This was a pretty cool post. I'd say I'm a solid three. It can certainly get out of control if I'm not careful.

 

[cfriend]

I am but a wee II. Also, this can't be called WCS, as that's already an established acronym. Additionally, WGS is visually similar to WCS. May I submit "WGC" Whisker Grading Code as an alternative?

 

[OldSaw]

For me it is not necessarily the speed at which they grow, but the thickness of the stubble. I am probably III - IV and sometimes V.

One recommendation, the first category is probably one that no man would want to admit to. Perhaps something like Pleasantly Mild or Thin & Easy.

 

[thirdeye]

Great job and for me I'd have to go with III.

 

[TimmyBoston]

Grade II

 

[strat1117]

This is a very well thought out proposal, and a much needed one. One of the biggest ideas I have tried to convey when giving advice to others is that my beard is not particularly coarse and, therefore, what works for me may not work for you. Having an objective set of criteria by which we can identify at least some of the basic beard categories will help immensely in terms of the value of the advice you are getting and the nature of the shaving experience for the person from whom you are receiving the advice, thereby making it at least a little more useful.

That being said, I am a solid category II, with certain category III tendencies, especially in the spots around my chin where those nasty greys are starting to congregate.

 

[Joshua Da Silva]

This is a very well thought out proposal, and a much needed one. One of the biggest ideas I have tried to convey when giving advice to others is that my beard is not particularly coarse and, therefore, what works for me may not work for you. Having an objective set of criteria by which we can identify at least some of the basic beard categories will help immensely in terms of the value of the advice you are getting and the nature of the shaving experience for the person from whom you are receiving the advice, thereby making it at least a little more useful.

That being said, I am a solid category II, with certain category III tendencies, especially in the spots around my chin where those nasty greys are starting to congregate.

Good point!

Everyone could put their whisker grade in the sig and then you can always reference it in order to see how well their advice/experience applies to you

 

[gollum83]

I'd say I fall between Grade III and IV. So does that make me a Grade III.V?

Excellent post BTW. I could see this helping out the newbies to the Wet Shaving World.

Same here. I fall roughly between a III and IV on that scale.

 

[Walter Sobchak]

My cheeks are a II, my neck's a III.

 

[NZDavid]

Also, this can't be called WCS, as that's already an established acronym. Additionally, WGS is visually similar to WCS. May I submit "WGC" Whisker Grading Code as an alternative?

Good point! You don't want people to confuse you for the Wildlife Conservation Society or Web Coverage Service. WGC sounds good. Not WCG or it would be Worcester Cricket Ground.

Glad folks like it. Good idea to include your grade in a sig. Grades I through IV or V sounds clear and simple.

 

[xgunterx]

I'm between III and IV. Even after shaving there always will be a shadow of hairs hiding just beneath the skin waiting to show their heads after just a few hours.

Sometimes there is a hair that just can't be shaved (it is always sticking out a bit even after the shave) and then I pull it out with a tweezers. Then I can count up to 15 smaller hairs glued together on the base to form a rough 'cable'.

 

[SRock]

You don't want people to confuse you for the Wildlife Conservation Society or Web Coverage Service. WGC sounds good. Not WCG or it would be Worcester Cricket Ground.

Or more importantly West Coast Shaving!

 

[NZDavid]

Indeed. Having just placed an order with them I should have figured that. WCS was very helpful, btw, I was most impressed.

Seriously, I think the way your whiskers grow has a profound impact on how your shaving turns out: YYMMV. One reason, also, why electric razors have never been for me.

 

[BatNastard]

I love it! I'm a solid II. I like that people are using the numerical system, too - a little diversity never hurt a symbol set.

 

[JaDubb]

Nice classification. I'm definitely grade III. My girlfriend is usually very cautious near my face if I got some whiskers. They are known to hurt people around me.

 

[Henrique]

One recommendation, the first category is probably one that no man would want to admit to. Perhaps something like Pleasantly Mild or Thin & Easy.

Yeah! Doesn't anyone else feel that there is a huge leap between grade I and II?
Between the occasional shaver and people that still need to shave every day, without being "Standard Sand Paper" or having "the infamous 5 o’clock shadow"?

(my feelings were hurt!)