Update from CGW409

[CGW409]

Hey all
Just wanted let you all know I'm still up and kicking even though I've not been around much.
Getting by and searching out my faith again.
Been a week and a day since the funeral and coming up on 2 weeks as of tomorrow AM.
Just feel like all the joy has been sucked out of my life at this moment as even the simple pleasure I derived from a nice shave has been reduced to a simple one pass SAS and a few days last week I reverted to the old triple blade disposable dry shave just to get by.
And not even thinking of picking up one of my straight razors,need absolute focus with one of those and don't need any shaving accidents making someone think I did something rash.

And just to make things even more perfect while trying to edit some photos of me and Stacey I noticed my photo viewer's edit mode burped and dumped all my tools save for red eye fix and the filters so at this point I can't even edit the pics of what was supposed to be my "big news" on the afternoon of 10-7 that I finally scored a birth year Super Speed.

Getting slowly better bit by bit,day by day.

 

[August West]

Thanks for checking in.

 

[Senshi]

I was thinking about you the other day. I've made it a point to tell Akina I love her every day.

Nice to hear from you and keep trying to find positive influences.

P.S. Don't worry about the super speed

 

[Teppanyaki]

Best wishes to you.

 

[hawgsquatch]

Don't be in a hurry to "feel normal." This is how you are supposed to feel now and it is part of your mourning process. You will not feel "normal" for years and nothing except for time will heal your heart. The best thing to remember is you wil never EVER feel as bad as you did yesterday, again. Every day will bring you closer to healing, but there is no hurry, no rush, and no way at all to speed the process. Your sadness will evolve into something new, something wonderful. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[hawklet00]

Just take things day by day. I know you have heard this alot, but it will get better. Just keep getting up and getting out there. Keep your head up!

 

[ArNav]

Be strong, buddy. We are all behind you.

 

[JayEddie]

Don't be in a hurry to "feel normal." This is how you are supposed to feel now and it is part of your mourning process. You will not feel "normal" for years and nothing except for time will heal your heart. The best thing to remember is you wil never EVER feel as bad as you did yesterday, again. Every day will bring you closer to healing, but there is no hurry, no rush, and no way at all to speed the process. Your sadness will evolve into something new, something wonderful. I will keep you in my prayers.

+1
You might even want to consider a grief support group. We don't always know how to process our own emotions, but with help we can get things sorted.

 

[Captain Pre-Capsize]

Know we are here do let us know how you are doing. Be patient and know that none of this can be hurried along. Be content - as hard as it must be - be content with each day.

 

[fuzinboston]

My heart goes out to you and both families. I lost my Dad unexpectedly earlier this year and sometimes I still feel so lost. I promise you that this will get better, even though you will miss the love of your life dearly. PM me if you need to air it out - happy to help.

 

[CGW409]

Thanks guys
Started closing out her affairs,hopefully I can get out of the student loans she had,already was able to clear her credit card but ran the numbers on the money going out minus the money now coming in and pretty much it tallies zero so I'm hoping PMI can shave some off the mortgage and they don't look too close on loan paperwise.
I'll keep you updated.

 

[CGW409]

I was thinking about you the other day. I've made it a point to tell Akina I love her every day.

Nice to hear from you and keep trying to find positive influences.

P.S. Don't worry about the super speed

Senshi
Glad to hear you and Akina are doing well and hope you two will be as happy as Stacey and I were together and that you have many,many decades together.
If you haven't set a date as of yet if I might suggest May 2.

 

[MrSpeedy]

I was thinking about you the other day as well. We don't know each other and haven't interacted on B&B, but as TLOML and I were making dinner your beautiful stories about Stacey came back to me. It's good to hear from you, and please let us know if you need anything. You will remain in my thoughts.

 

[CGW409]

Bit of an update.
Looks like the student loans will be forgiven so getting much closer to keeping the house and being able to eat.
The wonderful folks I work for not only donated enough in their memorial alone to purchase a plot for both of us to spend eternity together but also informed me that the week off I took because of her passing will not count against my vacation days (and I quote "Not exactly a vacation so it won't count").
Contacted the cemetery where my mother was put to rest to see if there were any plots in her section as I wanted Stacey near Mom and found out the section had two plots remaining just two spots away.
Could have put us next to her Dad but as Stacey and I were both big history buffs the cemetery where her father is was farm field 40 years ago but the cemetery where Mom is was founded in 1861 as cemetery for Barrington Illinois's Union war dead and both Mom and Stacey(and eventually Dad and myself) will have plenty of WWII vets around us so pretty good neighbors.
Still looking for a spiritual home the first two were nice enough and talked to a pastor at Harvest Bible after services Sunday and said I've come a lot further than most in my circumstance particularly since I considered myself an atheist or at least strong agnostic the evening of October 6th but suggested wherever I end up to get involved with a bible study so I'm going to give the Methodist church here in town that I was raised up in a go this Sunday.
In addition have also made a promise to God,Jesus and Stacey that wherever my journey takes me I will always try to live as an example of what Christian is supposed to be and never,never,ever become the kind that drove the final wedge between me and faith those years ago.
Also have decided to let my brother and sister in law as well as my two nieces know what mine and Stacey's wedding rings look like(just in case) as I'm going to request that when either of my nieces find that special someone I'd at least like them to consider using Aunt Stacey's and Uncle Gary's wedding bands.

 

[Teppanyaki]

I just wanted to let you know that even if we don't post, you are in our thoughts. Glad to hear about the loan forgiveness and the rest. Take care.

 

[Chadao]

​Absolutely.

 

[Hinano_Paul]

Was just thinking about you the other day, one day at a time brother. And we are here for you.

 

[BRITD]

Still in our thoughts and prayers during these challenging times. Keep strong and don't be afraid to reach out to people.

 

[ArNav]

CGW409

Like it says in the Bible:

"Be free and courageous,
Do not fear and do not cry,
Because your God is with you wherever you go,
God sees you and your salvation - what are you afraid of?
God is the power behind you - what will you be scared of?"

 

[CGW409]

Again thanks guys.
Not in a real hurry to get back to normal(not that there will ever be a "normal" again just a new normal)as that would mean she didn't mean much to me,more that it was nice to get something close to how it used to be and not just zoning.
I will look into some sort of faith based counseling as I remember the "counseling" they suggested for Dad when Mom went and it seemed to be a lot of "better living through pharmacology" and as Dad believed so do I doping myself up would disrespect her memory.