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The WORST Cologne You've Owned / Smelled?

I've smelled a lot of bad ones, and I'm sure I'm forgetting some, but most recently I wore a John Varvatos fragrance that had Nick Jonas in the name (I forget the actual name). That one was aggressively bad. Soul crushing.

Oh, I also wore YSL's Y EdT recently and couldn't wait to wash that off. Y is not a contender for worst cologne ever, but it is just so depressingly mediocre like so many current designer releases. How could the same house that released Kouros, M7, and Rive Gauche come out with something like Y?
 
Not a fan of 1 Million by Paco Rabanne. It’s far too sweet and cloying to my nose.
I also for some reason could never get on with Issey Miyake’s L’eau Bleue D’Issey. At the time it came out I used to wear L’eau D’Issey pour homme virtually all the time and was bought L’eau Bleue as a gift to try something different. Despite trying to like it I hated the smell of it. The bottle was a good design though!

...

Oh, I also wore YSL's Y EdT recently and couldn't wait to wash that off. Y is not a contender for worst cologne ever, but it is just so depressingly mediocre like so many current designer releases. How could the same house that released Kouros, M7, and Rive Gauche come out with something like Y?
It saddens me to be honest, particularly as Rive Gauche pour homme has recently been discontinued too. I’ve not been that taken with any of their mainstream fragrances for men since Rive Gauche if I’m honest. I own a bottle of L’homme but it’s one of my least worn fragrances because I find it a bit on the dull side. However, Y is so unmemorable and this isn’t helped by its pretty bad performance.
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
I cannot believe Kouros has not come up in this thread. Famous for supposedly smelling like a urinal cake, especially the vintage version, which is much more potent than the current version. It does have very urine-like animalic top notes. But to me they blow off quickly leaving behind a fairly conventional, albeit it still somewhat animalic scent. I really, really like the vintage version. Great staying power. Smells expensive to me. Lots going on in that scent.

Joy perfume is heavy on the civet which is off-putting to some, but not to me. It takes some getting used to, I suppose.

I have never come across a scent that was supposed to smell like a campfire that I liked at all.

The baby poop note in C&S Cuba is interesting, but that note is present in real Cuban cigars, too. I admit I have hesitated to wear that fragrance because of that note.

I am not fond of most pipe tobacco frags.
 
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I cannot believe Kouros has not come up in this thread. Famous for supposedly smelling like a urinal cake, especially the vintage version, which is much more potent than the current version. It does have very urine-like animalic top notes. But to me they blow off quickly leaving behind a fairly conventional, albeit it still somewhat animalic scent. I really, really like the vintage version. Great staying power. Smells expensive to me. Lots going on in that scent.

Joy perfume is heavy on the civet which is off-putting to some, but not to me. It takes some getting used to, I suppose.

I have never come across a scent that was supposed to smell like a campfire that I liked at all.

The baby poop note in C&S Cuba is interesting, but that note is present in real Cuban cigars, too. I admit I have hesitated to wear that fragrance because of that note.

I am not fond of most pipe tobacco frags.
I've been looking all over to get a whiff of this juice. I read lots about dirty linen, is that what it really smells like?
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
I've been looking all over to get a whiff of this juice. I read lots about dirty linen, is that what it really smells like?
It is rather funky. Acrid and sharp come to mind as descriptors. More of a urine smell though than the out and out funk of body odor. I think the current version still has that, just not as strong as the vintage. I think this is a scent available in department stores, or at least some of them. You ought to be able to find a tester somewhere.
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
I'll throw in: any poor clone of anything. Bad Drakkar Noir copies from the dollar store, for example.

Any affordable Oud is synthetic, but there are good ones and bad ...

AA
+1 on both points.

Actually, on the second point, I do not consider most oud scents to have much to do with real oud, so they are really good or bad scents on their own without reference to what real oud smells like.
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
I figured out the Sigilli fragrance I was revolted by--Pyrgos. Cinnamon, oregano, and a bunch of other spices, supposedly patterned after some traces of materials found in some ancient perfume container. The only scent I can remember wanting to wash off immediately. Very unlike anything else I have ever tried. Sort of a Big Red chewing gum, lots of oregano, and a whole bunch of random intense smells, very intense.
 
How about it? What's the worst cologne you've smelled or owned? No home brews :)

I'd have to say this lilac stuff I got while deployed. I got it from a British soldier I was acquainted with; I think it was called Vegetal (spelling?)
Ah! No doubt you must be thinking about PINAUD LILAC VEGETAL AFTERSHAVE. Oooh Dear God, I LOVE it! I have about four bottles! GREAT Stuff however, it IS an acquired taste (if you will).
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Nope! Nope, nope. That's a whole lotta nope.
The odd thing is, I am checking out this thread because.....most every Fragrance that most everyone can NOT stand due to being (so called) RANK.STINKY, WEIRD, OFF BEAT, ROTTEN, AWFUL, etc. I happen to LOVE! Heck, ELd'O "Secretions Magnifiques" left me disappointed NOT because (per all the hype) it smelled awful, but because (to MY Nose) it was NOT "RANK". I was expecting SM to be like being "hit by a Truck".....nope, not even close in my book. I find SM was rather pleasant! No doubt different strokes for different Folks. It's just that I'm a fan of Fragrances like Serge Lutens Musc Koublai Khan and Marlou 50ml d'ambiguite, Caron Yatagan, ORIGINAL YSL Kouros, etc.

SixCats!
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
Don't get me wrong, I really like most of the scents mentioned, including Lilac Vegetal. Musc Koublai Khan is an exception, but I would consider that a very difficult scent. I have not tried SM. I get Yatagan and I own a bottle, I suppose I do not love it.
 
Hi Rob, Ooh, I only wish I could afford a BELL BOTTLE of MKK. It's so damn wonderful in my Book. MKK is perhaps my MOST wanted Fragrance. A bottle of MKK cost about $400.00 As close as I can get to MKK (for a lot less money but still not inexpensive) is MARLOU 50ml d'ambiguite. WILD STUFF! Marlou (50mls) d’Ambiguïté: A Review - takeonethingoff.com - http://takeonethingoff.com/blog/2017/10/26/marlou-50mls-dambiguite-a-review/?fbclid=IwAR1QdGiTSJYYDgf6Dw_ky2Es9FT5hDMTj-nG9G_ZCydsCJBpPKosJtwZ2PA

I LOVE Caron "YATAGAN" as well. Rob, mght you consider selling your bottle of "Yatagan" ? I'd be interested!

SixCats!
 
Definitely Joop. Somehow thought it was great back in high school. Anytime I catch a whiff of it now it turns my stomach, cloyingly pungent.
 
How about it? What's the worst cologne you've smelled or owned? No home brews :)

I'd have to say this lilac stuff I got while deployed. I got it from a British soldier I was acquainted with; I think it was called Vegetal (spelling?)
Oh, you had to go there.
Ok,
fine...

Grey Flannel

Ok
I've said it
I like the fragrance... Just not a l l d a y l o n g
(and the next, and after a shower!)

my gawd; it amazes me this is on the list of smells a girl likes, cause they certainly didn't have to live within it!
the only reason I still have that stuff around? well, I need to have a sample so I know I hate it. still hate it. never ever entertain buying it again because I'd forgot I hate it.
if I wasn't clear? *Yuck!*
 

The Knize

Moderator Emeritus
Hi Rob, Ooh, I only wish I could afford a BELL BOTTLE of MKK. It's so damn wonderful in my Book. MKK is perhaps my MOST wanted Fragrance. A bottle of MKK cost about $400.00 As close as I can get to MKK (for a lot less money but still not inexpensive) is MARLOU 50ml d'ambiguite. WILD STUFF! Marlou (50mls) d’Ambiguïté: A Review - takeonethingoff.com - http://takeonethingoff.com/blog/2017/10/26/marlou-50mls-dambiguite-a-review/?fbclid=IwAR1QdGiTSJYYDgf6Dw_ky2Es9FT5hDMTj-nG9G_ZCydsCJBpPKosJtwZ2PA

I LOVE Caron "YATAGAN" as well. Rob, mght you consider selling your bottle of "Yatagan" ? I'd be interested!

SixCats!
Thanks for the write up on the Marlou. I want to hold onto the Yatagan. It was one of my first purchases when I was really getting into scents and it is the only truly collectible bottle I own other than Gucci Rush. I know Yatagan has shot up in value since it was discontinued. Thanks, though.
 
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