Speeches

[Nightshade18]

Evening folks,

I'm not sure if this kind of thing is right for the nib, but I'll post it anyway. I guess it's more about writing than actual nibs. Anyway, I wondered if I might turn to you all for some advice?
Usually studying is my main excuse for putting nib to paper, but now I have a new one: I've been asked to be my brother's best man and as such, I need to write a speech.
Unfortunately, I'm finding it a trifle difficult.
I've spent a long time browsing the web, but haven't found much of any use.

I'm really trying to avoid a speech full of dodgy jokes - you know the ones, usually at the brides expense. Partly because that's just not me and partly because I have a family that really won't appreciate that, not least my brother.
I genuinely don't know what to say. I do love my brother dearly, but we're not that close. There's a few years between us and as I left home early, I guess we missed a lot of that brotherly bonding stuff. I don't even have material from his stag party, as he decided he didn't want one and hired a bouncy castle for him and his fiancée instead....long story. I'm waffling.
Do you guys have any tips on how to build my speech? What kind of things to include? Any do's and Don't s?


Stu

 

[Face&Head]

First of all the humor should be at either your brother's or your expense; never under any circumstances at the expense of the bride or her family. The best are usually those stories about him that are personal and reveal positive qualities or experiences. Shared or family stories add that add color for those who don't know him well are usually appreciated. These don't have to be heavy, in fact light-hearted are preferred, and if a bit humorous all the better.

 

[dcobranchi]

I do love my brother dearly, but we're not that close. There's a few years between us and as I left home early, I guess we missed a lot of that brotherly bonding stuff.

This seems like a good start. Then segue into what you do remember about him.

 

[drathgeb]

Keep it short. I have seen too many drunken speeches that went on for 30 minutes that were actually pretty good if they got cut of at the 5 min mark

 

[jzuzphreek]

and hired a bouncy castle for him and his fiancée instead....long story.

Stu

THAT. SOUNDS. EPIC!

Really though, I just want to share a bit of personal experience. I was the youngest of 3 boys. My oldest brother was 6 years older than me, and he and the middle brother would gang up on my quite frequently. Because of this, I was never very close to him. He moved 1,000 miles away for college, and wound up traveling the world in the army. He now lives in Canada, and I in New Orleans. Only in very recent years have we begun conversing more and getting together more. We're at much different places in life than when he first left for college, and as such we find we have more in common now. It's interesting though, when we get together, we share old stories of our growing up, and there's never any indication of how not close we were. To be sure, most of the stories are of him beating up on me, or me tattling on him, but they're entertaining, none the less.

I don't know your story, but I'm sure your brother would not have asked you to be his best man if he didn't have some respect and admiration for you. I'm sure you have the same for him. Speeches don't have to be long, clever, or insanely hilarious. Just be yourself and speak from the heart. Talk about what a good man he is (as long as he is), and how lucky he is to have someone so wonderful in his life (if she is). You'll do fine. Just make sure you don't drink too much before the speech so you don't wind up doing/saying something you'll regret!

 

[Nightshade18]

I have no intention of drinking before the speeches - just a couple of drinks and I'll be slurring...

 

[Shutterbug57]

First off, remember, it is not about you and it is not your night. I agree with keep it short 5 minutes is good, 10 minutes max. Surely there are some silly things that you or he did, or that you did together. They may not have been funny at the time, but if they can be funny when looked back at, use them. If you are much older, do you remember things about your brother that were the light bulb moments for him - times when something clicked and he got it. They may be funny or profound. Also, have a few good things to say about the bride, things you actually mean. Given that you are the brother of the groom, this speech has an element of welcoming her into the family - even if dad has such a speech, you should include something in yours too. Just my $0.02.

 

[Reckoner]

My oldest brother was my best man. I don't remember a single word he said, but I remember him tearing up, me tearing up, and the bride was touched. None of us remember what he said. Sorry that's not more helpful!

Nobody will fault you for taking the high road, especially since it sounds like your brother and family wouldn't appreciate bad wedding humor.

 

[Doc4]

Keep it short.
(Quality over quantity every time. The guy who gave the "main speech" at the Gettysburg dedication ceremony talked for two hours. Then Abe Lincoln spoke for two and a half minutes. Guess which speech we all remember.)

No humour.
(Not that humour in a wedding speech is bad per se, but ... if you need advice on what to put in your speech, you are not "there yet" to decide what's appropriate-funny and what's never-invited-to-Thanksgiving-again-almost-funny. Nobody 'expects' a joke.)

Compliment everybody, and predict great things for their married future.
(Man, my brother is a great guy ... she's lucky to be marrying him. Man, she's even better ... he's lucky to be marrying her ... two great families are being drawn together by this marriage, and I see great times ahead for all of us as we get to know each other. Damn, we all rock.)

No crass vulgarisms.
(I bet you guys have had enough practice to make your wedding night a real scorcher ... she looks so hot in that wedding dress that she'll be popping out babies in no time ... now, I just gotta pick a bridesmaid to nail ... um, no. You get the idea.)

There's a few years between us and as I left home early, I guess we missed a lot of that brotherly bonding stuff.

I assume from this that you are the older brother? You can play up the "I used to look out for you all those years ago, and I hoped that things would turn out well for you, and I guess now I can pass the torch to the wonderful lady you are marrying ... blah blah blah ... she's so wonderful ... you're so lucky.

 

[red zeppelin]

My brother and I served as each others best men and while we are not close now, we were then. I was young and unmarried when he got married and I had little point of reference; much like you I found myself at an out-of-character loss for words. I ended up going with some thoughts about what I admired about him and the two of them. I am sure based on the thought you are putting into it and asking for help, that it will turn out great. Enjoy the night.

 

[Nightshade18]

Well, we're nearing the time. I have just a few weeks left to get a speech sorted and memorised. I've got all the elements I want to include and have drafted most of it out. Everything you guys have put in has been a great help, so thank you all very much.

Today I randomly remembered that on holiday, only just a couple of years ago, I taught my brother how to skim stones across the sea. I'm thinking this might be a nice story to include too as it's probably the best bit of brotherly bonding I can remember. I hoping to turn it into some sort of metaphor, but not sure yet. Perhaps something along the lines of taking something that should sink and applying the right forces to it to make it defy expectations....?

 

[syngent]

I never fully memorize a speech, if i get stuck its a total dissaster trying to get back on track, usually i just figure out the kep points i want to hit then keep running my words through my head so it comes out more natural, sometimes i forget to say stuff i wanted to but my speeches always flow like normal conversation as a result and when i was in school i always did well with them as a result

never needed the whole que cards thing

 

[Nightshade18]

It's actually really difficult to avoid:
a) likening the wife to a stone (round, heavy, sinks, useful for bashing heads etc)
or b) suggesting that progress is made through practise - connotations of excessive partners or sexual innuendo....

 

[jzuzphreek]

It's actually really difficult to avoid:
a) likening the wife to a stone (round, heavy, sinks, useful for bashing heads etc)
or b) suggesting that progress is made through practise - connotations of excessive partners or sexual innuendo....

Ignore those parts and focus on hard work, making the most out of "heavy" situations, learning to carry on in spite of hardship, the joy in success etc etc.