No fashion sense, so ... bars?

[dwnwrdishvnwrd]

I think what you are wanting is more self-confidence and possibly a better job, woman in your life or something fulfilling.

Now, are you saying that a better job and a woman are something that will be fulfilling? I'd have to politely disagree.

A happy, fulfilling life is something that starts within. There's no amount of money, clothing, women, shave products, etc. that can help achieve happiness. Do they help? Possibly, but only in a very small fashion. It all depends on what defines one's happiness. Lofty goals are great because achieving a goal is an awesome reward but to place those goals in the positions of being markers of happiness is unwise. What happens if you reach a goal and you're not suddenly happy? I've found that most people reach a goal, find they're not automatically happy, and then they descend into a even greater sense low self-worth only to set another goal that they think will bring happiness. The cycle starts over again and the unhappiness continues.

I will agree on the self-confidence. That is something that has always helped me out in life. I have no problem in that arena and it's noticeable. I feel comfortable in most any situation, with any group of people, in any situation because I know that everybody there is just a person. They're no different than anybody else at the most basic level. Bus stop full of college chicks? It's just a group of people waiting for the bus as far as I'm concerned. Club full of people that may be more fashionable than I am? I'm sorry but pretty and handsome are a dollar a pound and both are commodities that are in abundance so it's nothing to lust after.

Be confident in who you are and people will be confident in you as well. Be unsure of yourself as a person and it's noticeable. Be happy with you and there's nothing can take that away. I'm happy with who I am but I also know I can be better so I strive to be a better person. I use my view of a better person as my benchmark. We're our worst critics but we're also our greatest support group. How you use the criticism and support is up to you.

 

[bluefoxicy]

Now, are you saying that a better job and a woman are something that will be fulfilling? I'd have to politely disagree.

A happy, fulfilling life is something that starts within. There's no amount of money, clothing, women, shave products, etc. that can help achieve happiness.

I have to agree with this whole thing. No amount of piles of women and work are going to make me happy. Although, the girls I do talk to do make my dismal life just a tad better... (these would be girls I'm not sleeping with; though I don't think that would make much if any difference).

I cannot find an all-encompassing method of existence.

My parents are complete and total losers, and I will probably spend my life fixing the damage they did. I didn't grow up with muscle cars, with anything exciting, they didn't even push me to learn any instruments. When I took interest, they tried to stop me; I mean deviation of any sort was so horrible that they did everything they could to stop me from learning to drive stick, I blew like $12000 in a year but I damn well got myself there against their resistance. They're catholic, that's pretty much it. School, dad went to the military for a few years, then marriage, ONE job, still have the same job from 30 years ago, avoided a promotion in order to stay stable. Day in, day out, same ****, waiting for retirement, still living in the world they were 30 years ago... complete, utter failure.

Despite their best efforts, I have no interest in having any kids (and I'm an only child). I've been in one relationship, that was early this year; I found I despise being attached in that way, to a violent degree. That whole situation is unmanageable. I specifically protect myself from getting raked into relationships.

I guess this leaves a gap... I go out, yeah, I like girls... but I'm not really heading out and bringing endless one-night-stands home. I don't have a particular philosophical issue with sex or multiple partners or whatever; I'm just not interested. I'll take a girl home after I get to know her, if she's interested, and only on explicit understanding of exactly what it is that's happening. If it doesn't happen... I don't really move on to the next girl, I just write them off as decent friends and keep talking to them, and things are good because they're nice girls and they smile and enjoy talking to me.

I look around me and wonder if this is completely dysfunctional. As a college-aged male I am obligated to lie, cheat, corrupt, drug (with copious amounts of alcohol), and pay girls to sleep with me. I just can't. I'm always honest, and I always want them to understand exactly who and what I am. I'm never comfortable alone with a girl I just met... I'm weird, I'll actually take a girl home just to cuddle (whoa, so much for "Art of Manliness"... but I don't care much about being "Manly" anyway, I have my fists to back me up and that's all the "man" I need).

And then I realize.

If I fell in a relationship, my life would effectively be over. Everything gets restricted. Everything. My flexibility in the world is gone, my finances get shorter, and my mistakes affect someone else in a direct way.

And if I don't have a relationship... well, my life is one piece after another of overall worthlessness. I'm actually working hard at burning out, as bright as possible, with so much stuff. More and more, getting through life always with something interesting... because, really, I have nothing.

So either I lose everything or I have nothing. Okay, we've determined that this is a waste of time to even think about.

 

[leighton]

I think its manlier to have the ability to forgoe the sex and get to know the woman or write her off as too skanky.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but...

 

[bluefoxicy]

I think its manlier to have the ability to forgoe the sex and get to know the woman or write her off as too skanky.

Maybe I'm in the minority here, but...

You're probably not in the minority HERE, but you're also probably not a 20s college kid. I'm frequently in some...very odd situations, and tend to walk away from them.

Besides it's not like I'm actually trying. It's just not comfortable to me to fast track it; if you're looking for a no-name doll for the night, well, there's enough on that topic in the Astroglide thread over in the creams and shave soaps forum... me, I actually like girls, and accordingly I tend to talk and get close rather than just try to get their pants off.

Heh, a girl I know told me I'm 'dangerous' because apparently I'm a nice guy and easy to get to like; but I won't get in a relationship, so it's difficult and sometimes hurtful. I'm ... unsure what advantage that could possibly give me. Hurting someone is a major cost, and my actions should only detriment myself.

 

[KarthVader]

You're probably not in the minority HERE, but you're also probably not a 20s college kid. I'm frequently in some...very odd situations, and tend to walk away from them.

Besides it's not like I'm actually trying. It's just not comfortable to me to fast track it; if you're looking for a no-name doll for the night, well, there's enough on that topic in the Astroglide thread over in the creams and shave soaps forum... me, I actually like girls, and accordingly I tend to talk and get close rather than just try to get their pants off.

Heh, a girl I know told me I'm 'dangerous' because apparently I'm a nice guy and easy to get to like; but I won't get in a relationship, so it's difficult and sometimes hurtful. I'm ... unsure what advantage that could possibly give me. Hurting someone is a major cost, and my actions should only detriment myself.

Dude, I empathize. I'm kinda the same way. I don't feel like women our age get it yet. I just figure that maybe I'm a bit more mature in my goals and wants in life. 90% of the women that are my age are still about which guy has the cool car, can buy her things and will treat her like a princess. That attitude annoys the crap out of me.

Sex has never been a big issue and people have often scoffed at me for my views. I'm sorry, but I'm just deeper than that. I've tried being shallow and I just couldn't buy into it. It's not me or my personality. If just having sex is your cup of tea, then by all means. But I'm not going to fall into line for that roller coaster.

Well, I hope you get what your looking for. Just finish school and do what makes you happy. Forget your parents, superficial friends and all that other stuff. Take care of #1 (you) and the universe will unfold as it should.

 

[bluefoxicy]

Huh.

Guess maybe I'm not so weird after all.

Hmm... well I guess this isn't so bad. I'll figure something out.

 

[FreezerBurns]

For you, I recommend a pair of these versatile bad boys:

 

[leighton]

I want these shoes!

I would just wear a white tee and jeans with some really good looking shoes. Again, I'm pretty sure the shoes will enable you to pull this off.

Or if I wanted to dress it up, I'd throw a jacket (blazer) on top.

 

[bluefoxicy]

I would just wear a white tee and jeans with some really good looking shoes. Again, I'm pretty sure the shoes will enable you to pull this off.

Or if I wanted to dress it up, I'd throw a jacket (blazer) on top.

lol jeans, button-up, and blazer...

I haven't quite determined what a "blazer" technically is yet.

Man I keep finding pictures of all these hot guys. I'm envious. Any girl I look at, these damn models could talk to and walk home with in 5 minutes.

... oh, duh. I can copy their look and attitude, I should try that. I keep forgetting you can wear personalities like you wear hats.

 

[leighton]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blazer

Basically its a casual suit without the pants. One sentence description.

 

[scottish steve]

Interesting responses on the basis of confidence. Obviously there are many reasons and life-situations which determine your self-confidence, but in my opinion you are far more likely to feel better about yourself if you have a job you like, friends you respect and who respect you, and a healthy, loving/fun relationship. The "respect that comes from within" is a lot harder to pull off if you're eating from bins and praying you don't die of hypothermia when it rains overnight. I mean, its not revolutionary is it?

 

[bluefoxicy]

Interesting responses on the basis of confidence. Obviously there are many reasons and life-situations which determine your self-confidence, but in my opinion you are far more likely to feel better about yourself if you have a job you like, friends you respect and who respect you, and a healthy, loving/fun relationship.

Interesting. I guess having more friends might make me feel less... lost... in social situations. Being in a relationship would be a disaster though.

Not being a complete loser probably helps a bit too... I should try that one day.

 

[leighton]

Interesting responses on the basis of confidence. Obviously there are many reasons and life-situations which determine your self-confidence, but in my opinion you are far more likely to feel better about yourself if you have a job you like, friends you respect and who respect you, and a healthy, loving/fun relationship. The "respect that comes from within" is a lot harder to pull off if you're eating from bins and praying you don't die of hypothermia when it rains overnight. I mean, its not revolutionary is it?

I agree with the first two, but the relationship may or may not be necessary. You just have to be comfortable with your singleness or relationship with women, IMHO. Besides, you can fake that until you make it. Confidence with women is pretending your the **** and already have a chick at home waiting for you. Unless you really do... But we won't go there.

 

[dwnwrdishvnwrd]

The "respect that comes from within" is a lot harder to pull off if you're eating from bins and praying you don't die of hypothermia when it rains overnight. I mean, its not revolutionary is it?

I would hope that if one were eating from bins and freezing that they wouldn't be spending their time on B&B trying to get the BBS.

Seriously, you do bring up good points. It's a lot harder to be confident when one feels like they have nothing to be confident about. Leighton hit it right on the head though: Fake it till you make it. Nobody can tell the difference. Just don't take it to the extreme and be cocky. I have to fake an attitude all the time when I'm at work. Sometimes I come in and I'm grumpy and I don't want to have to be nice to people but I slap on a smile and I'm nice to everybody I work with and everybody I talk to and eventually that smile is no longer fake.

OP does have a point about "adopting" attitudes. Taking a cue from the way others carry themselves is a strong way to generate a response from your internal system. You see a person (not just a guy, ladies are awesome body language spe......ts) and you adopt their stance eventually you get the gist of the way that person feels. Adopt their swagger and that swagger changes the way you feel and eventually it's YOUR swagger. Take cues from TV, movies, even radio (vocalization hits a lot of buttons with people) and run with them.

Leighton: Those Pumas are freaking nice. I'm sure you'll never run into anybody that is also wearing them.