AP Newswire: After the results of a joint study by Harvard and Johns Hopkins released yesterday, the Biden administration announced this morning it has reached an agreement with Clubman/Pinaud for the purchase of a quarter of a million gallons of Lilac Vegetal with delivery expected over the next 90 days.
An administration spokesperson said, “We promised to enhance our nation’s response to the Covid-19 pandemic and given the recent success of the important joint social distancing study, with this agreement we’re delivering on that promise.”
It is expected that the distribution of the Lilac Vegetal will be handled as efficiently as the vaccine. Each eligible male will be given an 8-ounce bottle that in accordance with the dosage indicated should last them 30 days.
In the double-blind study of 1,200 18 to 35-year-old men it was found that men who applied Lilac Vegetal three times daily had a mean measured social distance increase of nearly 200%, when compared to the control group. This result held true across all demographic groups and geographic regions. The increase was greatest in some of our largest cities, notably San Francisco and New York, while not as marked in the Midwestern states. The effects were greatest in the 18 to 22-year-old-group at an increase of 296%, but fell off for those over 30, at 157%. Both Harvard and Hopkins noted that more research is needed, but the results are extremely encouraging.
Dr. Anthony Fauci said that the use of Lilac Vegetal in conjunction with face masks has the potential to seriously decrease the spread of the virus in young people, no matter their partying habits. He also noted that Lilac Vegetal was easily discernible by those wearing two masks.
Democratic Governors Newsom of California and Cuomo of New York indicated they will be mandating the use of Lilac Vegetal within the next two weeks. At his news conference Cuomo said, “You know, this is very important. So, we’re going to mandate the use for all men under the age of 65.” When questioned by a reporter why the age decision, the Governor replied, “Old men smell like crap anyway, and therefore this would be less effective. We need to put our resources where they will be most useful. And, we won’t have to send any to nursing homes.”
When reached for comment Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said, “Of course they only did the testing on men, again disenfranchising women. Women should be allowed to participate as well.” She went on to say, “The Lilac Vegetal should be available to all for free and we should raise taxes on those naturally smelly, old, white men to pay for the effort.”
Senator Ted Cruz said, “There is no virus, this is just another lie.”
An administration spokesperson said, “We promised to enhance our nation’s response to the Covid-19 pandemic and given the recent success of the important joint social distancing study, with this agreement we’re delivering on that promise.”
It is expected that the distribution of the Lilac Vegetal will be handled as efficiently as the vaccine. Each eligible male will be given an 8-ounce bottle that in accordance with the dosage indicated should last them 30 days.
In the double-blind study of 1,200 18 to 35-year-old men it was found that men who applied Lilac Vegetal three times daily had a mean measured social distance increase of nearly 200%, when compared to the control group. This result held true across all demographic groups and geographic regions. The increase was greatest in some of our largest cities, notably San Francisco and New York, while not as marked in the Midwestern states. The effects were greatest in the 18 to 22-year-old-group at an increase of 296%, but fell off for those over 30, at 157%. Both Harvard and Hopkins noted that more research is needed, but the results are extremely encouraging.
Dr. Anthony Fauci said that the use of Lilac Vegetal in conjunction with face masks has the potential to seriously decrease the spread of the virus in young people, no matter their partying habits. He also noted that Lilac Vegetal was easily discernible by those wearing two masks.
Democratic Governors Newsom of California and Cuomo of New York indicated they will be mandating the use of Lilac Vegetal within the next two weeks. At his news conference Cuomo said, “You know, this is very important. So, we’re going to mandate the use for all men under the age of 65.” When questioned by a reporter why the age decision, the Governor replied, “Old men smell like crap anyway, and therefore this would be less effective. We need to put our resources where they will be most useful. And, we won’t have to send any to nursing homes.”
When reached for comment Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez said, “Of course they only did the testing on men, again disenfranchising women. Women should be allowed to participate as well.” She went on to say, “The Lilac Vegetal should be available to all for free and we should raise taxes on those naturally smelly, old, white men to pay for the effort.”
Senator Ted Cruz said, “There is no virus, this is just another lie.”
