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Lard Lass - Two Weeks With Pay review

I’m gonna risk another Lakewood soap review. “Risk?”, you say. A little like the old saw about eating at a restaurant where you have heard nothing but rave reviews about the food but rumor has it the place is a Health Department’s wet dream. Would you eat there? Would you risk fantastic food amidst rumored filth?

“That’s a pretty loose connection,” you declare. I offer my recent review of Honey Mash as limp proof of concept. A mere 2 replies—and one of them was mine; I even had a fart joke in there! I knew I shoulda paid @FarmerTan that $20 for his thread stealing sorcery. I’ll figure it out someday, Dave—I’m watchin’ you 👀

I’ll grant that Lakewood doesn’t have the arcane mystique of Arko, but from what I gather it smells a lot better (some would say). And darn it, people like me like it! So, my ego took a little bruising but I’ll continue to give Lakewood some love because it deserves some.

I was cruising around on the ‘net one day with a little slack time and a tiny voice whispered “Check Lakewood’s site.” Seriously . . . not as in ‘losing it’ kinda voices, just that little intuitive voice you get as a nudge sometimes . . . all of you know what I’m talking about. We buy something and then kid ourselves into thinking we’re cured of what we’re suffering from yet still suffer from the cure.

As per usual I digress . . .

I heeded that little voice and just for gits-and-shiggles went to the site. I admit to zero need to go there, or any other shave-related site, but we all know where need sits in relation to want—Want gets front row tickets while Need always winds up in the nose bleed seats. I swear guys, I’ll get to the review. I’m having a little too much fun getting to it, therein lies the problem.

I hit upon a page with a fun label pictured and the words “Lard Lass” emblazoned in large type. Me being me my male brain somehow automagically dropped the second ‘L’, and I smiled, because any artisan bold enough to give their new tallow base the name “lard ***” gets two huge thumbs up from me—unfortunately this wasn’t that kind of boldness, but it was darn close. Naturally, I was compelled to read further.

Linda from Lakewood tells the tale about her son calling their cat “Lard Lass”, thus was born the moniker for this limited edition base. I award major bonus points for having a wry grin and playfully poking at social conventions. I have four Lakewood soaps, such is my genuine pleasure in using them for their scent and wonderful performance, so this would surely be equal to the task, right?

Upon reading the words 'limited edition' Want stood before me, grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me violently, then for good measure b**** slapped me a couple times and yelled “Wake up, stupid!” I didn’t have to read any more, but just so I could appease that low-T chump Need I read the description. Need swiftly acquiesced to Want. Pffft . . . pansy.

With a scent description of “Passionfruit, jasmine, sweet citrus and exotic florals” and their new lard base I was all but powerless to stop the inevitable:

Click went the mouse, whoosh went the money, and eagerness curled in my lap like a good dog. Wasn't long before that 5oz tub of delicious gratification came home to papa.


  • Scent from the tub (when you twist the lid off and breathe in): To me there’s a difference between fragrance strength and fragrance presence. I’d give Two Weeks With Pay between 7-8 straight off the tub, but the overall presence, the way the scent melds and 'holds together' is easily an 8 or 9. The scent description nails how it smells, but can’t plausibly begin to paint how it makes you feel . . . seriously. The fruity/citrusy component conjures some kind of tropical drink (no irksome tiny umbrellas, thank you very much). I swear, it smells like if you add some liquid, a hint of sugar, and some of the soap you’d want to drink it. Very enticing, light and refreshing.
  • Scent when lathering: I think some soaps take on a different character once lathering begins. I'd say it's about the same as direct off the tub but a tad more ethereal, airy, which makes sense once the aromatics are liberated from the solid.
  • Scent durability (while on the face/shaving and pre-pass lathering): Personally I love having a good scent under my nose while I prep for the next pass. I’m not as overtly aware of the scent during the shave because I’m focused on the angle, etc. But I can say it seems to hang around, and pleasantly so. It’s mild enough to not be cloying, but just enough presence to please the nose.
  • Post-shave feel: My skin is pretty normal; I don’t have sensitivity issues or thick stubble, my skin isn’t dry or oily. Guess I’m lucky in that regard. So post-shave feel isn’t something I’m good at assessing. I think most of my shaves have a pretty similar post-shave feel, but I can say none of the Lakewood soaps dry me out nor sting/burn. I must say, though, that Two Weeks With Pay does seem to leave a greater sense of softness in its wake; Maybe it’s psychological, but I have the sensation of pampered skin after use.
  • Performance: Didn’t take much effort to dial in the lather and it was, as I expected, slick and protective.
  • Very, very smooth shave for the first morning. Used my Yaqi High Mountain badger and got an incredibly easy lather. I don’t think it needed any more water than their tallow-based soaps, but to be fair I soak all my brushes, and the badger hangs on to water pretty well. Having said that, I got the feeling it might be just a touch on the thirsty side. Consistency was (for me) right on the cusp of perfect—I could have used just a shade more product to firm it up every so slightly (think I had maybe three drops too many of water; yeah, it was that close). I use the “three drops” thing for illustrative purposes, not a literal expression.

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Scent hung around post-shave, not annoyingly but ever so pleasantly.

For the second shave I wanted to have another go at the hydration aspect. Used my Zenith horse hair brush for this one. It’s not as large a knot as the Yaqi, but I really enjoy its scritchiness. My perception after the second use is it does want just a tad more water than Lakewood’s tallow-base soaps, but the end result was just as beautiful as the first shave/lathering. I think I got it dialed in just right this morning.

I have no problem admitting I don’t have a huge swath of experience with many artisans. I haven’t tried Stirling (yet), nor Mike’s, Catie’s, Arko, Tabac, and numerous others; I have used a sample of Shannon’s Soaps Lavender and Lemongrass, which was very nice indeed, some WCS and Stone Cottage samples, and a couple of Declaration Grooming samples. But the well I draw from isn’t awfully deep, and that’s okay by me. Those I have used I have enjoyed: WSP, PAA, Elvado, Mickey Lee’s (R.I.P), B&M, Col. Conk, Proraso, Southern Witchcrafts, and Soap Commander. Lakewood has consistently proven to be a hearty favorite of mine, absolutely top notch—one of many artisans which rarely get mentioned here like Cooper & French, Van Yulay, Long Rifle, and others. Frankly, as a wet shaver it’s a good problem to have, I think; lots of choice and pretty much anything to please dang near any one. But in my opinion Lakewood deserves a full-throated endorsement and a touch of good spirited evangelizing.

Two Weeks With Pay is easily on par with their regular tallow base but to me has a slightly different, dare I say softer, feel to it. If anyone else has used any of Lakewood’s soaps I’d be interested to hear your take on them.
I enjoyed this review. Could use more detail but a great start. :thumbsup:

Nice label on the soap and would make a great t-shirt if I ever feel the need to get punched :p
I tried the Lakewood Smokeberry sample for the 2020 Big Shave S West (that never happened!) It was a generous sample. The scent was smokey but the performance was excellent. The sample yielded more than 30 great shaves.
The sample yielded more than 30 great shaves.
Wow! That's a lot of shaves! I learned about Lakewood from the Prairie Song sample they provided in the Big Shave S'west 2019 swag bag. I got an easy 5 or 6 from it before handing it over to my son and ordering my own tub.
Oops, it was just a joke — because I thought it had GREAT detail! That's why I enjoyed it so much :)
Oh! LOL! Okay. I know I can be awfully verbose, but heaven knows in my rampant desire to have a little writing fun I could very well miss some genuine detail somewhere. Thank you for clarifying :c9:

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The Instigator
Went window shopping...

Great review!

My only issue is your comment on the, ‘…arcane mystique of Arko..’
Nothing arcane about Arko IME, it hits me in the head! :a29:
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