Jokes that make you groan

[SparkyLB]

A doctor tells a man, "I'm afraid test results on your wife are inconclusive. It seems she has either Auto-Immune Deficiency Disorder, or Alzheimers disease.
Agast, the man replies, "What do I do?"
The doctor says, drive her out to Key West. If she makes it home, for God sakes, don't make love to her.

 

[Phoenixkh]

A doctor tells a man, "I'm afraid test results on your wife are inconclusive. It seems she has either Auto-Immune Deficiency Disorder, or Alzheimers disease.
Agast, the man replies, "What do I do?"
The doctor says, drive her out to Key West. If she makes it home, for God sakes, don't make love to her.

Nicely cleaned up for B&B... well done. <eg>

 

[Rushman2112]

I just fell through the roof of a French bakery - I'm in a lot of pain now.

 

[TinyTim]

Two attorneys walk into a diner and each orders a coffee. Then each one pulls a sandwich out of his briefcase and starts to eat it.

The owner sees this, walks over to them and says "Hey, wait a minute! Thanks for ordering coffee, but you two can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"

So the attorneys look at each other, shrug their shoulders, exchange sandwiches, and continue eating.

 

[luvmysuper]

When the farmer got drafted and sent overseas, his girlfriend broke up with him.
She sent him a John Deere letter.

 

[DEgeezer]

I asked my wife if I should wear jockey shorts, or boxers. She said; "depends!"

 

[DrStrange]

The robot caption referred to the litigants as "Johnny Depth" and "misheard".

 

[PintoPlain]

Was at a job interview and the interviewer asked "How do you perform under pressure?"

I don't think "D D D D D D A" was the answer she wanted.

 

[Doc4]

Hey @FarmerTan ... I once bought some tartan trousers that were actually made in Scotland.

Trews story, doggone.

 

[Fawkes007]

 

[StuMcB]

Daughter came out with this yesterday.

Abba are having a tour where they're all computer generated, and that they've dedicated as song to chickens........ Fanandos.

Not sure if this works outside of the UK. But I must admit after the groan I did laugh.

 

[Doc Dan]

Cannibal Husband: I don’t like your Mother.
Cannibal Wife: Then try the potatoes.

 

[DEgeezer]

When asked how he was enjoying the feast, the cannibal replied that he was just having a ball.

 

[Fawkes007]

 

[DEgeezer]

Police Sargeant: "So ma'am, you admit beating your husband to death with a golf club."
Woman: "Yes, yes, I did!"
Police Sargeant: "How many times did you hit him?"
Woman: "Put me down for a four."

 

[SparkyLB]

Grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey! We have a drink named after you!"
Grasshopper says, "Why on earth would you name a drink, Bob?"

 

[Rushman2112]

What do Sonic the Hedgehog and Jabba the Hut have in common? The same middle name.

 

[SparkyLB]

What do Sonic the Hedgehog and Jabba the Hut have in common? The same middle name.

Nice! Right on to the friction of the day.

 

[ackvil]

 

[captp]

I was writing a note and a friend asked what I was doing.
I said I was writing a condolence note to a friend saying how sorry I was that her mother had died.
He said "That's just to be nice, right? You're not the one who did it?"