Should I be responsible for my girlfriend's dog?

[Trench]

So, I'm neutral on the idea of owning a dog. I myself would not choose to go out and get a dog, but I have no problem having one in the house either (depending of course on the breed). My girlfriend is a huge dog lover and has breed bull dogs and mastiffs. After living with out one for seven months, she began to feel the urge for a canine companion and I agreed to let her find one.

Two weeks ago my girlfriend found a cute little mutt with heavy chihuahua ancestry and brought him home. He's a sweet little guy and I love seeing how happy he makes her. The thing is though, she feels I should be the one to wake up at 6:00 AM every morning to take him out to the bathroom while she sleeps in. I usually do this without complaint because I love her and I get up at 6:00 anyway. Today was an exception.

Normally we sleep with the bedroom door closed with the dog locked in with us. Last night my girlfriend wanted the door left open. When I got up this morning, I found the dog had gotten out in the middle of the night and defecated and urinated in the living room. Deciding the dog had already done his business, I cleaned up the mess and went to take my shower.

When my girlfriend awoke and asked if I had taken the dog out, she was furious when I told her I hadn't, even after I gave her the reason why. When she started lecturing me about not taking care of my responsibility, I told her I didn't feel I should be ultimately responsible for the dog in the first place. Now she's upset with me because she feels I don't want to take responsibility for the things in life we do together. She sees taking care of things around the house and taking care of the dog as mutually inclusive; I disagree. I feel if she wants to keep a pet in the house that I personally had no interest in keeping, then it should be her responsibility to take care of it.

I do want to help her take care of it just out of love for her, but I don't think she should expect and demand my participation by default.

 

[jrcrow79]

didnt read yer post just subject..again..should you be responsible for HER dog..umm..I dont see where it's YOUR dog??

 

[Trench]

didnt read yer post just subject..again..should you be responsible for HER dog..umm..I dont see where it's YOUR dog??

My post was a bit long, so I'll summarize to give you some insight. She and I are planning a life together and she feels me not wanting to take responsibility for the dog means I don't want to take responsibility in taking care of housework, raising children, etc.

 

[erictski]

I have been married for only 6 months but if i have learned anything it is to pick you battles...perhaps this isnt the worst thing to argue about...just forget about it and help her once in a while and she will be fine...unless it starts to become an all the time thing...then you will have to say something...

If MUMMA aint happy...YOU aint happy

 

[thunderball]

Hmmm....I say if she wanted the dog then it's (mainly) her responsibility to care for the thing. Obviously a good husband would help out where needed but it seems only fair that the person who wanted the pet should shoulder the greater part of the responsibility of caring for it. Just my humble opinion.

 

[bythbook]

My post was a bit long, so I'll summarize to give you some insight. She and I are planning a life together and she feels me not wanting to take responsibility for the dog means I don't want to take responsibility in taking care of housework, raising children, etc.

"love me, love my dog."

you can't separate your gf & her dog, but the dog can separate your gf & you.

if you are planning a life together, you better figure that yes, you are gonna be responsible for the dog. and the next one. and the one after that.

no, there's not necessarily any connection between your taking care of the dog & your future commitment to children & the household. But in your gf's mind the dog is PART of the household - part of "the life."

is it fair?

is it right?

doesn't matter.

 

[Trench]

I have been married for only 6 months but if i have learned anything it is to pick you battles...perhaps this isnt the worst thing to argue about...just forget about it and help her once in a while and she will be fine...unless it starts to become an all the time thing...then you will have to say something...

If MUMMA aint happy...YOU aint happy

We've been dating for two years and have lived together for seven months. Let me tell you, there is no truer truth than your last line!

 

[Chimensch]

We have a dog that was mine before we got married. It's still my dog and I take the primary responsibility for it. When I can't take the dog out, like when I'm sick and can't get out of bed, I'll ask for my wife's help and she'll do it. But I would never make a demand like that. I think the girlfriend is being unreasonable.

 

[burnwood]

do you want to keep your girlfriend? then take care of the dog. if it lives in your house, its yours too no matter what you think.

 

[Slartibartfast]

We've been dating for two years and have lived together for seven months. Let me tell you, there is no truer truth than your last line!

Yeah. You cant just leave and go to your own place when you get into a fight

 

[Doc4]

... me not wanting to take responsibility for the dog means I don't want to take responsibility in taking care of housework, raising children, etc.

Obviously a good husband would ...

Methinks this is about more than just a dog. She wants to think that you are good "husband material", and taking care of the dog "stands for" your ability and willingness to do all those other husbandly chores that may be coming down the road. (And no, I don't think she got the dog as a "test".)

Did you have the "this is your dog and you'll have to walk him every day and pick up after him" chat before you got the dog? I suspect not; you saw her getting "her dog" and she saw "us getting a dog". Unless she agrees that you and she agreed beforehand that the dog was "hers" and she had to do the dog chores, you are probably on the hook in her eyes.

 

[gone down south]

If you live together it ain't "HER dog", it's "OUR dog" whether you wanted to buy it or not.

 

[The Nid Hog]

This is a hard thing for us to give you advice about when we don't know anything else about your life together. All we can go on is what you've given us. In that, three things jump out at me. The first is that you are the one who has been assigned responsibility for taking the dog out every day. No sharing, no day on/day off, no you during the week and her on weekends. The next is that you are responsible for cleaning up when it has an accident because the dog got out into the house when your girlfriend--not you--left the door open (this is all from your posting). The last is that you got berated for not taking it out after it made a mess because your girlfriend didn't close the door.

Lots of things could be suggested here. Get a crate for the dog. Have a talk about responsibilities. But I guess that I'd like to ask what kind of advice you'd like us to give? Are you just venting because you're mad but you can't say anything more to her (I don't have to be Sherlock Holmes to see that you don't think that this is in any way your fault or your responsibility)? Or do you want some real advice? Because this kind of thing is only going to get worse once you get married. If, on balance with everything else, you don't mind getting treated like this, just suck it up and say "OK honey." If you don't want more incidents like this in the future, sit down and talk it out.

 

[no_pants_cat]

I'd say it sounds like you are already doing your share, and she over-reacted to the situation. If you had gotten up, not taken the dog out, and NOT cleaned up it's mess I could see her lecturing you. For what happened, I think she gave you a little too much of a hard time.

In a dedicated relationship pets ARE a mutual responsibility, BUT - this is a big one - it should also have been a MUTUAL DECISION to bring the dog into your lives.

Otherwise, just try to have fun with it. My gf got a cat for us, and I wasn't entirely happy about that, but I've grown fond of it. I taught it to hunt for spiders in our house (hilarious!) and it has become a good friend in some ways.

 

[rabidpotatochip]

So, I'm neutral on the idea of owning a dog. I myself would not choose to go out and get a dog, but I have no problem having one in the house either (depending of course on the breed). My girlfriend is a huge dog lover and has breed bull dogs and mastiffs. After living with out one for seven months, she began to feel the urge for a canine companion and I agreed to let her find one.

Two weeks ago my girlfriend found a cute little mutt with heavy chihuahua ancestry and brought him home. He's a sweet little guy and I love seeing how happy he makes her. The thing is though, she feels I should be the one to wake up at 6:00 AM every morning to take him out to the bathroom while she sleeps in. I usually do this without complaint because I love her and I get up at 6:00 anyway. Today was an exception.

Normally we sleep with the bedroom door closed with the dog locked in with us. Last night my girlfriend wanted the door left open. When I got up this morning, I found the dog had gotten out in the middle of the night and defecated and urinated in the living room. Deciding the dog had already done his business, I cleaned up the mess and went to take my shower.

When my girlfriend awoke and asked if I had taken the dog out, she was furious when I told her I hadn't, even after I gave her the reason why. When she started lecturing me about not taking care of my responsibility, I told her I didn't feel I should be ultimately responsible for the dog in the first place. Now she's upset with me because she feels I don't want to take responsibility for the things in life we do together. She sees taking care of things around the house and taking care of the dog as mutually inclusive; I disagree. I feel if she wants to keep a pet in the house that I personally had no interest in keeping, then it should be her responsibility to take care of it.

I do want to help her take care of it just out of love for her, but I don't think she should expect and demand my participation by default.

Hope you don't mind me highlighting a few things.

When we got our first cat Mrs. Chip and I established he was her cat, I wouldn't really go out of my way to help either. Eventually I bonded with the cat a bit, started feeding him and playing with him and worked my way up to scooping the litter box every now and then; now the workload is evenly divided because I realized he was our cat.

The lesson I learned along the way in having this cat is that when you live with your significant other "mine and yours" don't exist. It may be "her" dog but you two came to a joint decision to get it. Honestly, I don't think you should have agreed to let her get the dog if you (both of you, as a couple) weren't willing to put in the work.

I do agree that her getting upset with you for cleaning up after the dog rather than taking him out is uncalled for though.

Edit:

If you live together it ain't "HER dog", it's "OUR dog" whether you wanted to buy it or not.

This is the gist of my message. Just missed it while I was typing.

 

[rabidpotatochip]

I'd say it sounds like you are already doing your share, and she over-reacted to the situation. If you had gotten up, not taken the dog out, and NOT cleaned up it's mess I could see her lecturing you. For what happened, I think she gave you a little too much of a hard time.

In a dedicated relationship pets ARE a mutual responsibility, BUT - this is a big one - it should also have been a MUTUAL DECISION to bring the dog into your lives.

Otherwise, just try to have fun with it. My gf got a cat for us, and I wasn't entirely happy about that, but I've grown fond of it. I taught it to hunt for spiders in our house (hilarious!) and it has become a good friend in some ways.

I use ours as flyswatters. I pick one up, hold them up to it and they just go nuts. One of our cats will actually maim flies then bat them around the kitchen. I'm still trying to teach them to eat ants though.

 

[bythbook]

I use ours as flyswatters. I pick one up, hold them up to it and they just go nuts. One of our cats will actually maim flies then bat them around the kitchen. I'm still trying to teach them to eat ants though.

is the little lime-skin helmet part of the insect-hunting regimen?

 

[Bulldawg]

After living with out one for seven months, she began to feel the urge for a canine companion and I agreed to let her find one.

I think it depends, in part, on how you communicated the "let her find one" part. Did you make it clear that you weren't really into the dog? Unless you clearly communicated that you weren't on board with the dog...you are pretty much on board with the dog At this point you've pretty much waived your right to object to the dog because you didn't bring up your concerns when the decision was being discussed The dog isn't going anywhere now. The relevant discussion now is how you guys split the responsibilities of caring for the dog. Things should be fairly split between the two of you. However, poo cleanup duty (and other disgusting jobs) typically get assigned to the man!

 

[TimmyBoston]

The problem isn't with the dog, it's with the girlfriend.

 

[rabidpotatochip]

The problem isn't with the dog, it's with the girlfriend.

I'd say the problem is with the couple. From only hearing one side, it sounds like neither of them had the right expectation before taking an animal into their home.