Ridiculous things people have told you

[nikkuchan]

I recently recalled something a co-worker told me back when I was working part-time at BK, and it gave me the idea to start a thread.
What was some of the silliest, most ridiculous things people have told you seriously?

I’ll begin with mine: While talking to fellow part-timers at BK, the topic of cigarettes and addiction came up, and one guy (a smoker) commented thusly:
“I was smoking for a year before I got addicted.”

 

[richmondesi]

I have a buddy that told me that his uncle was Bill Cosby.

 

[blackfoot]

This is a fun topic. I knew one guy that could fill several pages here. He was so full of crap and not even smart about it. I will try and think of something specific.

 

[Koss]

I would love to chime in on some of the things I've heard... but they are against the forum rules to mention and get into a debate over!

 

[MrGuy]

There's a girl I work with that had a rather heated debate with me, well her side was heated, my side had a sharp pain due to uncontrollable laughter.
She was convinced that the definition of "terminal velocity" was the speed at which an object would kill you! When I tried tell inform her she was wrong, she yelled, "Think about it! Velocity means speed, terminal means it can kill you"! After every one else confirmed my definition, she told me that she was going to bring in a dictionary to prove it... she never did bring in the dictionary I work with her again Friday, I'm sure I'll have another.

 

[luvmysuper]

My favorite commercial of all times. Fedex Ground

“Steely Dan is not one person, We get fringe benefits, not French benefits, it’s not the Leaning Tower of Pizza, and James Dean was an actor—Jimmy Dean makes sausages.”

 

[castlecraver]

Several years ago, the most annoying, offensive woman I've ever met once vehemently insisted that Picasso was the famous painter who cut off his ear. And wouldn't relent the slightest bit when I told her I was quite certain it was Van Gogh. That little incident, and my ensuing rage is still a topic of discussion amongst my closer friends.

 

[Bluestaco]

Some old lady at my grandmother's funeral: "Oh, she makes a lovely corpse, Honey."

 

[David in Boston]

Generally speaking I hear outrages statements from folks who are on the far right or the far left of the political spectrum.

I've learn that it is best not to reply. If a person is making an *** of themselves it is not my business to stop them.

 

[rm71]

P&G:

"Gillette Fusion from $1 per week"

 

[Shane]

I work with high schoolers in the summertime for a marching band, and the dumb things some of them say are incredible. I had a 15 year-old boy come up to me with a straight face and told me he could breathe underwater.

I won't tell you what happened next, but let's just say he can't do it.

 

[Brodirt]

Oh MAN I get into some doozies with my brothers-in-law pretty regularly at our bi-monthly Sunday family dinners. They usually result in me having to restrain myself and then sending Monday morning emails out with definitive proof of my correctness.

The one that works best here is our discussion of the famous "bathtub Porsche."

He was describing a guy who he went to Berkley with in the 70s who had a brand new bathtub Porsche. I stopped and asked how that could be when Porsche stopped production of the 356, the "bathtub" model, in the mid 1960s.

He replied that I was an idiot, that the "bathtub" Porsche was the 914.

I retorted...no, the "bathtub" is the 356 because it looks like an old footed bathtub turned upside down.

this of course is the correct version.

He responded that I was wrong, that the 914 was the "bathtub" model because with its targa top it looked like one of those rectangular bathtubs that are commonly found in apartments.

I responded, rather loudly, "why not a f'in refrigerator Porsche, then!!!!"

No response, no response to similar pictures to the above sent on Monday and no further mention of the argument ever.

 

[Walter Sobchak]

I won't tell you what happened next, but let's just say he can't do it.

 

[richmondesi]

I work with high schoolers in the summertime for a marching band, and the dumb things some of them say are incredible. I had a 15 year-old boy come up to me with a straight face and told me he could breathe underwater.

I won't tell you what happened next, but let's just say he can't do it.

 

[blackfoot]

I work with high schoolers in the summertime for a marching band, and the dumb things some of them say are incredible. I had a 15 year-old boy come up to me with a straight face and told me he could breathe underwater.

I won't tell you what happened next, but let's just say he can't do it.

Come on guys. At the moment, this is the one to beat.

 

[Kratos]

This is a fun topic. I knew one guy that could fill several pages here. He was so full of crap and not even smart about it. I will try and think of something specific.

Same here! I have worked with two such guys, and I can remember a lot of their stories.

Here's one for starters: This huy told me he used to be a hydraulics mechanic on an aircraft carrier(yet was now working at a Wal-Mart), and one time one of the F-14 pilots told him he needed to "show him what one of these things could do." Then he told him to hop in, and proceeded to fly him around, barrel-rolling and sonic booming over a populated coastal area.

I told him he was sooo lucky! I mean, it's not like you need to get flight clearance or anything. I always see pilots pulling into Sonic, flying up and down the main drag, you know. This guy has many classic stories.

 

[Cheech]

Although kind of political, I think this steers clear of the left-right:

I was talking with a co-worker when the topic of the middle east came up. He felt the need to enlighten me as to why Iran "wanted in" to Iraq.

It is because Iran has no oil.

He was so vehement, he actually got me to look it up. There's a bunch more from him, but I still shake my head when I think of that.

I would use the "these aren't my pants" excuse when drugs are found in one's pockets; except, it has actually worked on a jury...

 

[richmondesi]

I've got a buddy that actually did fly on the "Vomit Comet" (he was a mechanic for NASA)

 

[gollum83]

I work with high schoolers in the summertime for a marching band, and the dumb things some of them say are incredible. I had a 15 year-old boy come up to me with a straight face and told me he could breathe underwater.

I won't tell you what happened next, but let's just say he can't do it.

Students can be quite intellectually challenged at times. Some of them don't get much better when they reach college. Back when I was a Graduate Teaching Assistant I used to teach a few sections of the university's general chemistry lab. Anyway one of the labs we did was measuring the heat of vaporization of liquid nitrogen. It was a real simple experiment where they took warm water, placed it in a styrofoam coffee cup, added a precise amount of liquid nitrogen, and measured the resultant temperature change to help determine the heat of vaporization.

Well at the end of the lab, they had to answer a few questions. One happened to be "What is the white fog given off when the liquid nitrogen is added?" Anyway I'm walking around at the end of lab, peering at their lab reports and most answered this particular question correctly by saying it was water, though a few of the slower students answered nitrogen. Well this one student was absolutely convinced it was nitrogen and started arguing with me after I hinted to him that he was wrong. So after about a minute of arguing, he said, "I'll prove it is nitrogen!" Amused I asked him "Alright. How are you going to do that.?" "Watch," he said, and went to get some warm water and liquid nitrogen. He mixed the two and put his nose down into the cup and breathed deeply. I told him that he really shouldn't be doing that. "No, no! I'm proving a point!" Well a few moments later he was looking rather flush and declared "Wow! I'm feeling light-headed!" To which I replied "Congratulations, you just proved that it is possible to deprive your brain of oxygen."

 

[gollum83]

This is a fun topic. I knew one guy that could fill several pages here. He was so full of crap and not even smart about it. I will try and think of something specific.

Yeah, I think we all do. Unfortunately mine is a soon-to-be brother-in-law.