Pregnant with our first child!

[face]

Hello B&B community,

Over the past couple of months I have been active on these boards and I have run into some really great people. Between the PIFs and the civil discussion and the general tone of respect and politeness, not to mention all the wonderful advice on shaving and products, I realized there is a community here that probably has a lot of good advice to offer in this wonderful but confusing time in my life.

My wife is pregnant with our first child and I am thrilled. I am also terrified! It doesn't seem "real" to me yet, as we are still very early on and therefore unable to talk to more than a couple of people about this. So I am reaching out to all you dads and moms out there, asking for a sounding board and your best advice.

I look forward to hearing about your experiences, horror stories, tips, tricks and whatever else you have to share.

Yours in shaving,
Chris

 

[Mick]

Congratulations DAD....

 

[Galengwath]

Congrats! In my experience it won't really sink until until your 2nd or 3rd is born. Best of luck to you!

 

[gaseousclay]

My wife is pregnant with our first child and I am thrilled. I am also terrified! It doesn't seem "real" to me yet, as we are still very early on and therefore unable to talk to more than a couple of people about this. So I am reaching out to all you dads and moms out there, asking for a sounding board and your best advice.

I look forward to hearing about your experiences, horror stories, tips, tricks and whatever else you have to share.

Yours in shaving,
Chris

congratulatjions my wife and I are due to have our first child in less than 3 weeks, so I feel like i'm not yet qualified to give child rearing advice. I guess all I can say at this point is your wife will become very hormonal and moody over time, so try not to take things personally. oh, be sure to have your nursery ready to go well in advance. it took me months to clear all of my crap out of our spare bedroom and then finally get around to repainting and laying down new flooring. I just finished our nursery, furniture included, over the weekend with less than 3 weeks to spare. good luck

 

[vreddy2000]

congratulations!
don't let her mood swings get to you, its part of the process.
she will turn around and thank you for your patience ..o...in about two years from now.

 

[face]

congratulations!
don't let her mood swings get to you, its part of the process.
she will turn around and thank you for your patience ..o...in about two years from now.

Whew! It has been BAD these past 2 weeks!

 

[Jasonian]

Congratulations! I'd give you some advice, but I'm under the impression that every pregnancy is different. Just be there for her, and do everything you can to aid the succcess of a healthy pregnancy. Our first is about 14 months. I'd say we miss sleeping, but neither of us would trade it.

 

[ThePatrician]

Congratulations dad-to-be! My son is thirteen months old now, and I'm still waiting for it to feel real. It's a lot of fun, but stressful as all get-out. The rewards definitely outweigh the cost, that's for sure.

A lot of new-fangled crunchy-granola books say to establish rules from the get-go: only use wooden toys, avoid synthetic fabrics, have a set bedtime, etc. All of that stuff is crap. If you're baby is healthy, not crying, and safe, you're doing fine. Yes, there are some chemicals to avoid, like BPA plastic, but most stuff is BPA-free anyways. In almost every respect wooden toys are better, so you may want to go that route anyway.

Get a bag. If you want to give your wife a break, you will want a non-floral diaper bag. I recommend DadGear. They are made in the US, they are awesome diaper bags, and they look bada$$. After you are done with kids they make perfect messenger bags. This is the one I have, and it is decidedly not floral: http://www.dadgear.com/products/219/Dead-Man's-Party

Baby sizes vary from brand to brand, so find a brand of clothes you like and stick with it. It will make figuring out sizes much, MUCH easier.

Two tips to save a ton of money: breastfeed as long as possible (which also helps with gas and later-in-life obesity), and start on solids early. It sounds difficult, but it's not. Our guy is already eating the same things we are, and he refuses to eat something different from what we're eating. He LOVES baked broccoli, and his favorite food is cut-up bacon in eggs with Tobasco sauce. A cheap and easy starter is frozen sweet peas, with frozen blueberries (WITHOUT ADDED SUGAR!) for dessert.

My wife read probably a dozen books, but I only read one and it was amazingly helpful: http://www.amazon.com/DadLabs-Guide...e=UTF8&qid=1361805082&sr=8-1&keywords=dadlabs

 

[Captain Pre-Capsize]

Congrats, parenting is a blast. You need to be a strong advocate of breast feeding if you want to sleep through the night.

"Gee Honey, I'd like to help but..."

All kidding aside you are in for a great time. Parenting is very under rated.

 

[bigxnyc]

Congratulations. Prepare to be tired. The first 100 days or so are tough. You won't believe how important a long stretch of uninterruped sleep is to your mental wellbeing. Get a movement monitor. It is a very sensitive pad that goes under the mattress in the bassinet and/or crib that senses the child's breathing and sounds an alarm after 20 or so seconds if there is no movement. With all the SIDS talk they put in your head, this device gave me enough peace of mind to actually sleep while the baby was sleeping.

 

[global_dev]

congratulations..everything everyone says is true, all of it..

babies are very resilient, i know from experience (to my wife's chagrin). just remember to love them, hug them, and don't accidentally neglect them because they want their mothers more at first, everything will fall into place.

and keep those baby heads supported, diapers clean and don't use talc, even Clubman scented!! bad to breathe in for everyone around.

and lastly get those hands dirty!!! poop washes off easily

 

[face]

Congratulations dad-to-be! My son is thirteen months old now, and I'm still waiting for it to feel real. It's a lot of fun, but stressful as all get-out. The rewards definitely outweigh the cost, that's for sure.

A lot of new-fangled crunchy-granola books say to establish rules from the get-go: only use wooden toys, avoid synthetic fabrics, have a set bedtime, etc. All of that stuff is crap. If you're baby is healthy, not crying, and safe, you're doing fine. Yes, there are some chemicals to avoid, like BPA plastic, but most stuff is BPA-free anyways. In almost every respect wooden toys are better, so you may want to go that route anyway.

Get a bag. If you want to give your wife a break, you will want a non-floral diaper bag. I recommend DadGear. They are made in the US, they are awesome diaper bags, and they look bada$$. After you are done with kids they make perfect messenger bags. This is the one I have, and it is decidedly not floral: http://www.dadgear.com/products/219/Dead-Man%27s-Party

Baby sizes vary from brand to brand, so find a brand of clothes you like and stick with it. It will make figuring out sizes much, MUCH easier.

Two tips to save a ton of money: breastfeed as long as possible (which also helps with gas and later-in-life obesity), and start on solids early. It sounds difficult, but it's not. Our guy is already eating the same things we are, and he refuses to eat something different from what we're eating. He LOVES baked broccoli, and his favorite food is cut-up bacon in eggs with Tobasco sauce. A cheap and easy starter is frozen sweet peas, with frozen blueberries (WITHOUT ADDED SUGAR!) for dessert.

My wife read probably a dozen books, but I only read one and it was amazingly helpful: http://www.amazon.com/DadLabs-Guide...e=UTF8&qid=1361805082&sr=8-1&keywords=dadlabs

Good tips, thanks! I ordered the book used for $4. Looking forward to it! Those bags are sweet!

 

[Graybeard57]

congratulations!
don't let her mood swings get to you, its part of the process.
she will turn around and thank you for your patience...

Certainly mood swings ARE part of the process, as hormones go crazy inside her. All the excitement and fears you expressed are being felt by her, too, while her hormones are raging, her body changes, etc. It's an exciting and scary time for both of you. Keep the lines of communication open at all times, spend as much time with her as she wants, and do absolutely everything you can for her. She will most definitely appreciate it. The mother carries the burden of childbearing, but both father and mother share the responsibilities of childrearing. It's the greatest gift of all; embrace your changing lives and your new role as a father.

But above all, enjoy the whole, exciting time.

 

[face]

I guess like everything else on B&B, "ymmv" applies, but what was your experience like as far as her energy level, need for rest, ability/willingness to do stuff around the house? I see moms who go 110% up until they're in labor and others who spend 9 months in bed. Any general expectations?

 

[Niles]

Congratulations!

 

[face]

Congratulations!

Thanks!

 

[global_dev]

I guess like everything else on B&B, "ymmv" applies, but what was your experience like as far as her energy level, need for rest, ability/willingness to do stuff around the house? I see moms who go 110% up until they're in labor and others who spend 9 months in bed. Any general expectations?

post partum depression diagnosis exists for a reason.. you never know.. you gotta take it as it comes... offer to cook or bring stuff in.. offer to clean ... play it as you see it.

 

[ThePatrician]

My wife was definitely a freak. Her depression only lasted a week or so, but that was mainly because it was so DAMNED hard for our son to latch on to feed. Once he figured that out, it was right back to business as usual. She was definitely an aberration. Once she healed up, she was back on her feet and back to business. She had really bad cabin fever from being cooped up.

Breast-feed for as long as you can, I can't stress that enough. Get a breast-pump, seriously. There's nothing better for a baby than breast-milk. It doesn't cause gas bubbles in a baby's stomach, spit-up from it doesn't stain, breast-milk-poop doesn't reek with the unholy stench of death, and it is absurdly nutritious for babies. Plus, it's free. You will be ASTONISHED at how expensive formula is. (God, I can't stress this enough)

 

[vreddy2000]

if she wants to breast-feed; tell her how good an idea that is..
if she wants to stop and switch to formula..tell her how good an idea that is...

 

[mopar440_6]

To start, congratulations on becoming a father! It is the greatest experience in the world.

As a father of a 2 year old girl and an 8 month old boy, here's my two cents:

-There's a ton of good advice here but that will not always be the case. Take everything you're told with a big grain of salt and go with your gut. One of my most difficult lessons early on was to trust myself. Parenting is instinctive to some degree. You may not always know what to do but have some faith that you'll figure it out. As with anything like this YMMV. Every person is different, every pregnancy is different and every child is different...

-Again, start early on the nursery preparations. It WILL take longer than you think to get everything in order, the paint was still wet when my wife went into labor with my daughter. Get it done as soon as possible because it will give your wife a bit more peace knowing that everything is ready.

-When our daughter was born we went for almost a month with no sleep. She would not sleep unless we were holding her. Then she spent a night at my mother's house and slept through the night. ITS A MIRACLE! What did my mother do differently? She put my daughter down to sleep on her stomach. My wife freaked out because of the SIDS warnings and my mother gently reminded us that when we were little, the experts said that the child would spit up and choke if put down on their back and that we survived. Ever after, our daughter has slept on her stomach. This goes back to the above, go with your instincts.

-Breast feed as long as possible if your wife can do it and spend the money on a GOOD pump. My wife pumped with our daughter and put a lot of milk in the freezer. This blessing was two-fold. It saved us a ton of money on formula and it gave my wife a break from taking care of the kids because I could feed them if need be. Again, don't believe everything you're told, we started my daughter on a bottle and were still able to breastfeed at the same time. If the kid is hungry, they'll take what you give them.

-Make your own baby food. A steamer, frozen veggies, and a blender will go a long way. Pour the puree into ice cube trays, freeze it and put the frozen cubes into bags. The cubes will make it easier to portion and quicker to prepare. Plus, it's a lot healthier with only veggies and water, especially if you use fresh veggies.

-You don't need name brand diapers. We found that the Target brand diapers and wipes work just as well, maybe better, than any of the name brands and cost half as much.

-Spend as much time as you can with the baby, as early as you can. I spent a lot more time with my daughter as an infant than I did with my son. (Partly because I was taking care of my daughter after my son was born.) But I definitely feel like I missed something with my son because I didn't spend those long nights on the couch with him sleeping on my chest.

-If you're frustrated, it is OK to lay the baby down in their crib and go regroup. You'll eventually hit that wall of exhaustion and frustration and feel like you just want to scream. Yes the baby will cry, just make sure they've got a full belly and a clean diaper, put them in their crib and walk away for a couple minutes.

-Don't freak out. There are so many horror stories floating around that you can easily turn into a germophobic, paranoid freak. Kids are surprisingly tough. They will fall down, they will get dirty. I'm not saying that you should be neglectful, just don't be overprotective. My cousin's daughter is the same age as my little girl. My cousin's daughter gets her hands wiped off with a wet wipe and everything gets sanitized before she touches it and she was sick almost all winter. My daughter crawls around on the floor, plays with my dogs and had her binky rinsed off with water if it fell down and she only got sick once last year. Kids need a chance to build some immunity. (However, I still wince every time my daughter climbs on something or jumps off the couch.)

-Do as much as you can around the house to help out. Take as much of the burden off your wife as possible. She is going to be flat out exhausted. Cook dinner, do dishes and laundry, and take care of the baby as much as she will let you. In addition, remind her to sleep when the baby sleeps. She may feel like she needs to do everything else while the baby is sleeping. Unless its showering or eating, do it for her.

-*This is probably the most important advice I can give you!* MAKE time with your wife, one on one, even if its 5 minutes a day. Remind her DAILY that she is beautiful and that you love her. There is a good chance she will start to feel frustrated because all she does is take care of a child that does not show any appreciation. You need to remind her that she is loved and appreciated.