Her: When I eat alphabet soup, I only eat the vowels.
Him: Why?
Her: Sometimes.
Him: Why?
Her: Sometimes.
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
- Start date
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted super sex.
She said "chicken noodle."
She said "chicken noodle."
My wife is so mad at me for not having any sense of direction. So I packed my bags and right.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Two Wrights made an airplane.
Two rights make you go in the opposite direction.
Two Wrights made an airplane.
Two rights make you go in the opposite direction.
I see you've met my wife....
I named my dogs Rolex and Timex.
They're watch dogs.
They're watch dogs.
Man says to his wife: Honey, I cheated on you.
She: Me too
He: Honey, 1 April. Come on...
She : 24 August
She: Me too
He: Honey, 1 April. Come on...
She : 24 August
Just started up a band and we have called ourselves the 999 megabytes, we are waiting for our first gig.
My grandfather loved woodwork so much that when he died my grandmother insisted that we bury him with his beloved chisels and lathes, he will be turning in his grave.
Every time I go out I am being followed by a bird with long legs, think I am being storked.
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of Church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.)
The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Ax and Two 38's!"
Why couldn't the police catch the cybercriminals?
They ran-som-ware.
They ran-som-ware.
A man hits with his car another parked car in a shopping center and everybody was looking at him. He came out of his car very sad, left a note and went away. People started to smile. The owner of the damaged car comes later, finds the note and starts reading it:
I hit your car but I'm pretending to write my info because people are watching me. Hope you can fix it. Good luck.
I hit your car but I'm pretending to write my info because people are watching me. Hope you can fix it. Good luck.
Can't sleep at the moment keep thinking I am a horse, that's four nights on the trot.
Did a search, nothing came up. Could be in a picture so sorry if it's a repeat:
What do you call 50 rabbits all in a line hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you call 50 rabbits all in a line hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a parrot?
I'm not sure, but if he says something, you'd better listen!
I'm not sure, but if he says something, you'd better listen!
A monsoon joke.
With all the rain that we're having.
we're going to need a boat.
We Noah guy.
Taken from a roadside sign.
With all the rain that we're having.
we're going to need a boat.
We Noah guy.
Taken from a roadside sign.
Recently got a job as a waiter, it's not great but it puts food on the table.
