I know that a number of you sport beards. My wife asked me to grow one. I didn't like it at first, but it grew on me.
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
- Start date
When Bill Gates died, he went up to Heaven, where Saint Peter showed him to his house; a beautiful 20 room house, with grounds and a tennis court. Bill Gates was pleased, and spent many months enjoying the amenities of Heaven.
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces."
"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.
"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.
Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!"
"Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."
One day, he was enjoying one of Heaven's many fine parks, when he ran into a man dressed in a fine tailored suit.
"That is a nice suit, my friend," said Gates. "Where did you get it?"
"Actually," the man replied, "I was given a hundred of these when I got here. I've been treated really well. I got a mansion on a hill overlooking a beautiful hill, with a huge five-hundred acre estate, a golf course, and three Rolls Royces."
"Were you a Pope, or a doctor healing the sick?" asked Gates.
"No," said his new friend, "Actually, I was the captain of the Titanic."
Hearing this made Gates so angry that he immediately stalked off to find St. Peter.
Cornering Peter, he told him about the man he had just met, saying, "How could you give me a paltry new house, while you're showering new cars, a mansion, and fine suits on the Captain of the Titanic? I invented the Windows operating system! Why does he deserve better??!!!!"
"Yes, but we use Windows," replied Peter, "and the Titanic only crashed once."
Construction methods back then were so good that to this day, the swimming pool on the Titanic is still full of water!
We need a 'wince' emoji.
Yep, it's the groaniest day of the year.
Einstein develop a theory about space. And it was about time, too!
Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit Flies like a banana.
-G. Marx
Fruit Flies like a banana.
-G. Marx
I agree. I just put up a sad/frown face thingy.
Maybe one of these will work? 
Be reminded of a new/old thing everydayMaybe one of these will work?
Probably heard here and elsewhere ad nausem but my favorite joke for the Nephews and Nieces is this:
"Why are Pirates so much fun at parties?"
"They just Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
"Why are Pirates so much fun at parties?"
"They just Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!"
My sister had twins. They named the girl Denise and the boy da nephew
A Priest, Rabbi, and Pastor, walked into a bar.........all three required stitches. 
Stolen from Facebook...
I'm going to write my life story and how I should have done things differently.
It will be my "oughtabiography".
I'm going to write my life story and how I should have done things differently.
It will be my "oughtabiography".
I know a guy who is in denial about his addiction to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I bought a new Samsung tablet today.. I named it Titanic. It's syncing now.
Why won't the Batmobile start, Robin?
Maybe the battery's dead.
What's an "ery"?
Maybe the battery's dead.
What's an "ery"?
