I hate him. He's 10 years older than me and he never really spent much time with me. He never calls me and him and his wife are sarcastic and disparaging towards me if I call them. He tells his wife lies about me and we once went three years without a word between us. I often wish he was dead and want to tell him I never want to see him again. I don't know what to do anymore.
I hate my brother - what does it mean?
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It means you should probably stop talking to him altogether. Some people are just jerks, and it sounds like he's one of them. I don't necessarily think wishing he were dead is a healthy outlook, but by cutting him out altogether, it could certainly improve things with your life.
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He did stutter when he was young and some kids made fun of him. They also complained he was always a bitter person.
Just do not talk to him. Look at it this way: if there was no blood relation, you would not even be thinking about him.
Try to move on, don't bother talking to him. One of my close friends has a very similar relationship with his brother. Sometimes it's no use. Sorry.
I'm going to disagree with the advice given based on the information provided.
You're both adults. Start acting like adults.
If you don't like the way your brother and his wife are treating you, mention it to them. "You may not realize you're doing it, but it seems every time I call, I get put down with sarcastic and disparaging remarks. Can't we have a nice conversation this time without any putdowns?"
You may also want to get a family member to act as a sort of mediator. There seems to be a lot of pent up hostility, and it needs to be resolved.
Good Luck!
You're both adults. Start acting like adults.
If you don't like the way your brother and his wife are treating you, mention it to them. "You may not realize you're doing it, but it seems every time I call, I get put down with sarcastic and disparaging remarks. Can't we have a nice conversation this time without any putdowns?"
You may also want to get a family member to act as a sort of mediator. There seems to be a lot of pent up hostility, and it needs to be resolved.
Good Luck!
As they say, keep your friends close and your kidney donors closer.
Love him or hate him, there's no one closer to you on this earth, and that's just the genetic fact of it.
Love him or hate him, there's no one closer to you on this earth, and that's just the genetic fact of it.
I was going to say the same thing. A neutral place can be helpful to. The thing with family is you can't avoid them forever. Like when something significant happens in the family especially a death.
Wishing he was dead also is not healthy for you. Regrettable thoughts can haunt you for a long time and cause significant stress.
I can understand strongly disliking your brother's attitude, choices, behaviors, etc. But I would agree there are probably better ways of coping than wishing he were dead. That goes for anyone, not just a family member. I too have a brother (and his wife) with a strained relationship.
It sounds like to me that you're frustrated because you want to have a brotherly relationship with him, and he doesn't appear to be interested in that in any way, for whatever his reasons are, and according to your OP is perhaps agressively disinterested. I think you should voice to him exactly what it is that's bothering you, if you haven't already.
I don't know of a situation like this that ever got better before one party repented and started to respect the other, just for the simple reason that somebody has to go first... and even at that I wouldn't expect it to get better over night. Hating someone just leads you into more hatred for the person. You just need to keep transmitting the message that "I'm here for you if want to talk or need something and I care about you as my brother, but don't expect to me to act like how you're treating me is OK, and I won't stand for it".
In a nutshell, I guess I'm saying don't be the one that shuts down if you want this relationship to work. Aire your grievances with a cool head, in a frank but respectful manner, like a gentleman, and let it be known that you expect to be treated in the same way. But if he's not willing to meet you half way, then its his loss, and you can get on with your life knowing that you gave it your best shot, and hoping that eventually he'll come around. But ultimately, you need to let go of the hate. That's no way to be, for a variety of reasons. You're enabling him to ruin your day, and that part's on you.
It sounds like to me that you're frustrated because you want to have a brotherly relationship with him, and he doesn't appear to be interested in that in any way, for whatever his reasons are, and according to your OP is perhaps agressively disinterested. I think you should voice to him exactly what it is that's bothering you, if you haven't already.
I don't know of a situation like this that ever got better before one party repented and started to respect the other, just for the simple reason that somebody has to go first... and even at that I wouldn't expect it to get better over night. Hating someone just leads you into more hatred for the person. You just need to keep transmitting the message that "I'm here for you if want to talk or need something and I care about you as my brother, but don't expect to me to act like how you're treating me is OK, and I won't stand for it".
In a nutshell, I guess I'm saying don't be the one that shuts down if you want this relationship to work. Aire your grievances with a cool head, in a frank but respectful manner, like a gentleman, and let it be known that you expect to be treated in the same way. But if he's not willing to meet you half way, then its his loss, and you can get on with your life knowing that you gave it your best shot, and hoping that eventually he'll come around. But ultimately, you need to let go of the hate. That's no way to be, for a variety of reasons. You're enabling him to ruin your day, and that part's on you.
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I was once told not to worry about what I couldn't control.
You don't really have any control over how your brother behaves or views the world at large.
I am guessing that by this point in life you have told him how you feel, and it has not changed anything. So my advice is not to sweat it, its his problem that he is a *******, not yours. He is family so you most likely wont be able to avoid him forever, but you also don't have to go out of your way to communicate with him.
You don't really have any control over how your brother behaves or views the world at large.
I am guessing that by this point in life you have told him how you feel, and it has not changed anything. So my advice is not to sweat it, its his problem that he is a *******, not yours. He is family so you most likely wont be able to avoid him forever, but you also don't have to go out of your way to communicate with him.
Just show up on his doorstep on a Saturday morning dressed in a clown suit.
Be sure to bring the over-sized mallet.
Be sure to bring the over-sized mallet.
This ralattionship sounds very toxic. Do you want him in your life as things stand now?
If you do, have you ever calmly called him out, one on one, - no wife present; and seriously tried to resolve the problems?
If you've tried previously and are honestly sure in your heart the relationship has no possibility ...... Walk away and don't open that door.
Surround yourself with those that add value and love to your life. There's lot of good people out there, keep company with the positive & caring. Family doesn't have to be 'blood' related.
You can't make people care and people can't give what they don't have. This applies to family too.
Don't allow yourself to be treated this way but don't denigrate him, then you are behaving the same. Think of a wooden fence; either yours or someone else's. For each hurt you drive a nail into the fence. The nails can always be pulled out but it still leaves a hole. If you have any nails in your pocket with his name on them, throw them away.
Lastly, forgive him for hurting you. That will probably be the absolute most difficult to do and won't happen easily. Forgiveness is also a gift you give yourself. Wishing him dead is only hurting you.
Years ago four college kids killed my mom in a pedestrian/vehicle collision. I wasn't that much older myself. I can't tell you the rage and hatred I felt directed at the driver. It took a long time but the weight of you carryhing that much anger is harming you. It's hurting you in many ways you aren't even aware of until much later.
Sue
If you do, have you ever calmly called him out, one on one, - no wife present; and seriously tried to resolve the problems?
If you've tried previously and are honestly sure in your heart the relationship has no possibility ...... Walk away and don't open that door.
Surround yourself with those that add value and love to your life. There's lot of good people out there, keep company with the positive & caring. Family doesn't have to be 'blood' related.
You can't make people care and people can't give what they don't have. This applies to family too.
Don't allow yourself to be treated this way but don't denigrate him, then you are behaving the same. Think of a wooden fence; either yours or someone else's. For each hurt you drive a nail into the fence. The nails can always be pulled out but it still leaves a hole. If you have any nails in your pocket with his name on them, throw them away.
Lastly, forgive him for hurting you. That will probably be the absolute most difficult to do and won't happen easily. Forgiveness is also a gift you give yourself. Wishing him dead is only hurting you.
Years ago four college kids killed my mom in a pedestrian/vehicle collision. I wasn't that much older myself. I can't tell you the rage and hatred I felt directed at the driver. It took a long time but the weight of you carryhing that much anger is harming you. It's hurting you in many ways you aren't even aware of until much later.
Sue
Put the handcuffs away, and calm down bro.
I appreciate you pain... but this is a shaving/gentleman's forum. Not really sure what you're expecting to get with this, but i'd recommend consulting a professional.
I appreciate you pain... but this is a shaving/gentleman's forum. Not really sure what you're expecting to get with this, . . .
This is The Barber Shop after all; the perfect place for it. Besides, I'm guessing there aren't too many people he would like to discuss it with. Here he has both camaraderie and anonymity (to a point.)
Wow, sorry to hear this. From what you say, this is very hurtful to you.
I wouldn't cut ties. Even though he's 10 years older, he might not be as mature as you are. Maybe your brother has had too easy of a life so far, and he doesn't appreciate what he has, or he doesn't appreciate what's really important.
I do recommend that you let him know how he makes you feel right when it happens. If you can't come out and tell him directly, then ask him to repeat what he just said about you. Often, when people have to repeat things, they get an idea of just how mean they sound.
I wouldn't cut ties. Even though he's 10 years older, he might not be as mature as you are. Maybe your brother has had too easy of a life so far, and he doesn't appreciate what he has, or he doesn't appreciate what's really important.
I do recommend that you let him know how he makes you feel right when it happens. If you can't come out and tell him directly, then ask him to repeat what he just said about you. Often, when people have to repeat things, they get an idea of just how mean they sound.
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I've already reached mine.
You need to surround yourself with healthy relationships, not poisonous ones. Perhaps the only way you can like your brother is to have nothing at all to do with him, if not then at least cutting off ties seems to be the best thing for you to do for you.
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