Gentleman's Essentials: Table Manners

[Hobbesoxon]

Yes, a direct punch in the face is more the norm.

You know what they say, "A good kicking never hurt anyone."

 

[burningdarkness]

Sorry, all. I should have specified that these are American table manners. Table manners in the UK, Europe, and in other countries are quite different. Even still, most of these points are not strict rules, but generalizations and/or suggestions. Please take the post with a grain of salt. (No pun intended, I swear). Thank you all for your contributions to this thread.

Also, I forgot to add a small statement to the passing 'rule'. Typically, you pass to the right. However, you never want to send anything in the direction opposite to the direction everything else is passed in (yes, it's a silly rule, but usually only used in more formal settings).

I'm sure I've missed a lot of things/mis-stated some things or just wrote in a confusing manner. Please draw my attention to them. Constructive criticism will only make this 'guide' better.

Thanks, B&B!

 

[burningdarkness]

I usually eat alone, as by the time I prepare a plate for myself the girls have already wolfed down the grub too quickly to even notice if there was silverware on the table. Is this covered in your rules?

One more thing- a lot of you guys are going to have some explaining to do when you find out that god is left handed.

I'm not sure if that's covered in my rules. It depends on what you're eating, I think. Send me a plate of food every night and I'll tell you what rules apply to that dish.

Is Ouch saying that he's left-handed? I am left-handed, too. We are a proud folk that have subsisted on the scraps and remains of right-handed oppression.

 

[Trius]

I had to restrain myself from jumping over the table and forking his hands. That wouldn't have been polite of me.

Indeed. But highly entertaining! You could attribute it to your former days as a football hooligan.

 

[Taipei Personality]

The knife is your little controlling instrument, with which you elegantly load your fork.

Although I'm a Colonial, this is the reason I eat in the European fashion, even before I knew it was the European fashion. It's simply easier and makes more sense.

 

[ouch]

I'm not sure if that's covered in my rules. It depends on what you're eating, I think. Send me a plate of food every night and I'll tell you what rules apply to that dish.

Okay, but you'd better be nice to me, or I'll slip in some of Mrs. Ouch's creations.

Is Ouch saying that he's left-handed? I am left-handed, too. We are a proud folk that have subsisted on the scraps and remains of right-handed oppression.

My friend, we are the only true minority.

I've tried explaining to my right handed friends that the only reason runners circle the bases counterclockwise in baseball is that there are more righties than lefties. They all poo poo this notion, revealing their advanced stages of mental decrepitude.

Wait'll they try to open a can in heaven.

 

[MotoMike]

Did I miss the rule about securing a coating of peas to your spoon full of mashed potatos? Should I be using my fork?

 

[burningdarkness]

Did I miss the rule about securing a coating of peas to your spoon full of mashed potatos? Should I be using my fork?

You should only use a spoon when it is completely impossible to pick up the food with a fork. Thus, peas and mashed potatoes should both be eaten with a fork.

 

[RichGem]

You should only use a spoon when it is completely impossible to pick up the food with a fork. Thus, peas and mashed potatoes should both be eaten with a fork.

What about the whole spoon vs. fork for dessert deal? I've always preferred a fork for cake, pie, etc., (there are, after all, "dessert forks") but many times I've been given a spoon. Is there a "rule" on this? Or just individual preference?

 

[RichGem]

Did I miss the rule about securing a coating of peas to your spoon full of mashed potatos? Should I be using my fork?

I think this applies only if you make an indentation in your pile of mashed which is then filled with brown gravy. Then, you can use the mashed to pick up the peas.

 

[burningdarkness]

What about the whole spoon vs. fork for dessert deal? I've always preferred a fork for cake, pie, etc., (there are, after all, "dessert forks") but many times I've been served a spoon. Is there a "rule" on this? Or just individual preference?

Forks are suitable for cakes, etc. If you're served a spoon, don't demand a fork. Rather, eat with what you are served.

 

[RichGem]

This might be a more Euro/Polish thing, but one that I follow.... the unused hand doesn't belong in your lap. Rather, rest that forearm or wrist (not elbow) against the table gently (unless the chair has arms).

 

[Rorschuck]

I think this applies only if you make an indentation in your pile of mashed which is then filled with brown gravy. Then, you can use the mashed to pick up the peas.

I eat my peas with honey; it keeps them on the knife.

 

[langod]

I'm fully aware that most Americans think English folk are effette fools for eating the way we do, while the English reciprocate for thinking that Americans are a bunch of oiks.

My wife tells a story of her visit to England 20-odd years ago. She saw a television commercial there for Pizza Hut (I think) and the ad made fun of us American barbarians for picking up pizza and eating it with our hands as opposed to the civilized practice of using a knife and fork.

 

[RichGem]

My wife tells a story of her visit to England 20-odd years ago. She saw a television commercial there for Pizza Hut (I think) and the ad made fun of us American barbarians for picking up pizza and eating it with our hands as opposed to the civilized practice of using a knife and fork.

I think all of us Americans will agree... knife and fork + pizza = sooo wrong. Now, whether you fold it in half (long ways) or not before cramming it into your mouth, is up for debate.

 

[Hobbesoxon]

What about the whole spoon vs. fork for dessert deal? I've always preferred a fork for cake, pie, etc., (there are, after all, "dessert forks") but many times I've been given a spoon. Is there a "rule" on this? Or just individual preference?

There is, but it's a hardcore rule for formal dining. Fork in the left (as always), spoon in the right. Eat from the spoon, use the fork to push food onto the spoon (avoiding the use of the finger!). I don't see many people get this right, even at formal occassions. Most people seem to just use either the fork or the spoon depending on their mood.


Toodlepip,

Hobbes

 

[Hobbesoxon]

This might be a more Euro/Polish thing, but one that I follow.... the unused hand doesn't belong in your lap. Rather, rest that forearm or wrist (not elbow) against the table gently (unless the chair has arms).

Sounds a bit crazy. Do whatever you want with that spare arm - it's dinner, not an iron maiden.


Toodlepip,

Hobbes

 

[RichGem]

Sounds a bit crazy. Do whatever you want with that spare arm - it's dinner, not an iron maiden.


Toodlepip,

Hobbes

The way it was explained to me (by an older Polish lady) was that the "arm in the lap" is considered as bordering on obscene. Since having heard that explanation, the odd thing is, that it now bothers me to see people do that. Maybe it's just a Polish thing.

 

[sol92258]

Don't talk with food in your mouth...

why, surely you mean "Do not masticate with an agape oral cavity"?

and I never heard of the "don't salt/pepper the food until trying it" thing until last year, someone was telling me about a local company that when doing interviews over meals, they watch this, and if you salt/pepper before trying the food, interview is over, they leave immediately...some crap about saying you have pre-judgemental or something...kinda ironic, if you've been to the place before and know you need it, but alas....

 

[TimmyBoston]

Sorry, all. I should have specified that these are American table manners. Table manners in the UK, Europe, and in other countries are quite different. Even still, most of these points are not strict rules, but generalizations and/or suggestions. Please take the post with a grain of salt. (No pun intended, I swear). Thank you all for your contributions to this thread.

Also, I forgot to add a small statement to the passing 'rule'. Typically, you pass to the right. However, you never want to send anything in the direction opposite to the direction everything else is passed in (yes, it's a silly rule, but usually only used in more formal settings).

I'm sure I've missed a lot of things/mis-stated some things or just wrote in a confusing manner. Please draw my attention to them. Constructive criticism will only make this 'guide' better.

Thanks, B&B!

No need to apologize. You did an excellent job.