Anyone Else Suffer from Holiday Depression?

[OldSchoolYoungin]

It's that time of year again. For some, it's the worst time of year.

For the past two years now, I grow insufferably miserable starting around this time. My sleep goes to hell, I lose my appetite, and I just feel like complete and utter crap. It was pretty severe last year but I really didn't know how to cope with it; even considered seeing a shrink.

The reason for it isn't too clear. I think much of it has to do with the loss of my father eleven years ago. Yep, still. Seems he was the one that held the family together. After he passed, everyone seemed to grow apart from one another. It doesn't help that most of my family doesn't live anywhere near here, either.

Just want to see who else gets bluesy this time of year and what you do to keep it at bay. Sorry if I sound like a downer. I genuinely hope advice given in this thread helps not only me, but others, too. Frankly, I don't even know where to start.

Thanks, guys.

 

[rickboone1]

Well, as much as I'd hate to admit it..yes. I can pinpoint a reason on mine, however. I've never had a solid family, really. And, now, I have two kids I never get to see. I think talking and posting here is a good thing. Some members here, I talk to on a near daily basis via phone and/ or text. They don't know how much, but their friendship really helps me a lot of days. One member here helped me feel it was okay to start taking a medication. I have for a couple of years now. I know it's helped a good bit. Really, it's helped me more with bits of rage and anger more so than depression. I have a wife now with a kid and another on the way. I don't ever for a second stop thinking of my other two kids. Never. But, looking at my son and the family I have here in front of me is what helps me get through. Dude, I can't sugar coat it and say it gets better. The **** sucks. That's the truth. As I type this I tear up. I'm glad to know I'm not the only grown man that has to deal with these sorts of things. I'm glad we have a place we can discuss them. There's a lot of truth in "you have to find your happy". I had to train myself to not get so beat up and down about what has happened and focus on what is in front of me. I could miss out on a whole lot if I didn't do that. My dogs help me a lot, too. And, my job. I really like what I do and the people I work with. I enjoy going to work. Hobbies are very important. Honing! Or, just shaving.

 

[bakerbarber]

S.A.D. is real.

Whether it's being lonely around the Holidays or just trouble sleeping.

It may be due to a disruption in the circadian rhythm or from bad air in your home or workplace.

You're not alone and absolutely have no reason to feel awkward about it.

Try to get plenty of exposure to natural light during the day and avoid artificial light in the evening. Look into Melatonin to help you sleep. I keep it less than 3, I think micro-grams.

Light therapy may help. There are special fixtures and bulbs available.

Reach out and call your friends and family just to chat. Get out and about and try to stay busy and around positive people.

I used to hold a grudge that my brother didn't call often. Then I realized, the phone works both ways. So, I call him now and again and shoot the breeze. I don't keep score.

Many people get the blues in the winter. It's best to be proactive if you know it happens to you. No use trying to explain it if you can alleviate the symptoms one way or another.

 

[Manning]

It's that time of year again. For some, it's the worst time of year.

For the past two years now, I grow insufferably miserable starting around this time. My sleep goes to hell, I lose my appetite, and I just feel like complete and utter crap. It was pretty severe last year but I really didn't know how to cope with it; even considered seeing a shrink.

The reason for it isn't too clear. I think much of it has to do with the loss of my father eleven years ago. Yep, still. Seems he was the one that held the family together. After he passed, everyone seemed to grow apart from one another. It doesn't help that most of my family doesn't live anywhere near here, either.

Just want to see who else gets bluesy this time of year and what you do to keep it at bay. Sorry if I sound like a downer. I genuinely hope advice given in this thread helps not only me, but others, too. Frankly, I don't even know where to start.

Thanks, guys.

Like most, I feel down every now and then. Along with the above advice, the best tip for me is perspective. Find things in your life to be grateful for and focus on them.

Also, judging from your avatar and signature line, I take it that we share similar music tastes. Here are two I play to help focus on the positive.

Machine Head - Be Still and Know

As I Lay Dying - Beyond Our Suffering

 

[redrako]

Old School, you're not alone brother.

Many of us are either there right now, or as in my case have been there at earlier times in our life. It sounds like you have an understanding of the loss that you suffered, and may continue to suffer, with the loss of your father. There may also be a "seasonal disorder" thing going on with you as well.

First of all, you don't have to suffer (you can't hear my voice,, but I really mean this), there are good alternatives available. I speak from similar experience that revolved around the death of my mother, right around this time of year when I was a boy.

Counseling or Psychotherapy are wonderful tools in which a trained professional will guide you developing some self-understanding as you build your life. Knowledge is power, yet paradoxically self understanding is akin to standing on ones shoulders especially when we're in pain.

That trained professional may prescribe medication to help you. They may suggest talk therapy, always a good idea in my opinion. For me at different times in my life, counseling has made all the difference. As has regular physical exercise, reconnecting with friends and even family.

Unfortunately there is still stigma about seeking mental health treatment. To be frank this is stupid thinking. Just as if If you were in an accident and broke your leg, you would go see a Doctor, you're in some kind of emotional pain which is just as real, you need to seek treatment. You would not wait for your broken leg to get better by itself, you should not wait for your bluesy mood to get better by itself.

You showed courage in posting about your situation, showing that you're ready to take this on and change it.

Best Regards,

 

[Krona Kruiser]

+1 Redrako.
I do relate as well. Years ago, my drug addiction would peak during this time and after I got clean I still did have a sense of melancholy the entire season. Thankfully, through therapy, family, and faith it's gotten a lot better and now that I have my own family, I look forward to the season. As another member mentioned, perspective is very important. I now view the season as a time of reflection and a time to enjoy my family. It's also important to recognize what you're going through and prepare accordingly with activities that alleviate and address the issue.

 

[tfinch]

Not specifically the holidays, but I can relate to seasons having bearing on my condition. I have panic disorder w/agoraphobia and major depression, and spring and fall are my bad times. Transitional times, I suppose could be read into it. My doctor seems to have me fixed up though, as this year the change wasn't especially noticeable.

 

[HLS]

For me, I've found that when my wants don't match with reality, depression can set in. When I desire the correct things, my mood and my life improves dramatically. Fighting yourself by wishing for what you don't have will always harm you.

Old Irish saying: What cannot be remedied, must be endured.
Eckart Tolle: Question to Eckart: "Do you think about the past?" Eckart response: "No, I don't have much use for it".

Be thankful for what IS and what you DO have.

Jim

 

[Kentos]

While not politically correct in some social circles, having "Faith" and hanging out with people of the same "Faith" helped me a lot when I as going through some rough patches.

 

[CB1]

The holidays were a magical time for me growing up. My Mom, who passed away 6 years ago this Thursday had a way of making everything so special. At my age it's too late to have kids of my own to recreate the magic so I try and think about all the things I'm thankful for.... which are many.  

 

[Comet]

S.A.D. is real.

Whether it's being lonely around the Holidays or just trouble sleeping.

It may be due to a disruption in the circadian rhythm or from bad air in your home or workplace.

You're not alone and absolutely have no reason to feel awkward about it.

Try to get plenty of exposure to natural light during the day and avoid artificial light in the evening. Look into Melatonin to help you sleep. I keep it less than 3, I think micro-grams.

Light therapy may help. There are special fixtures and bulbs available.

Reach out and call your friends and family just to chat. Get out and about and try to stay busy and around positive people.

I used to hold a grudge that my brother didn't call often. Then I realized, the phone works both ways. So, I call him now and again and shoot the breeze. I don't keep score.

Many people get the blues in the winter. It's best to be proactive if you know it happens to you. No use trying to explain it if you can alleviate the symptoms one way or another.

Light therapy really helps my wife who gets SAD.

 

[mikelz777]

Not so much depression as the occasional holiday blues. I think it's common for a lot of people to set themselves up for holiday depression/blues. A lot of people envision and feel pressure to have an exceptionally warm, fuzzy happy time or expect this warm, benevolent, introspective feeling to come over them and if their reality falls anywhere short of that, they feel sad, disappointed or like they are missing out on something everyone else seems to have. I try not to set myself up with certain expectations and take stock of how I can take so many things for granted and realize how blessed I really am. It also seems to help to be involved with things outside of my small, immediate circle.

 

[weizemanner]

Around here, the days get a lot shorter very quickly. It feels like the world closes in around you and begins raining for 7 months straight... with about two weeks of snow thrown in. Snow loses some of its playful magic once you get your drivers license.

I try to focus on things that make me happy, I learn jokes - corny, dumb, serious, out-there, the dumbest sounding joke can get a laugh if told at the right time. Make the people around you laugh, even if you don't feel like laughing yourself, and you might find that laughter is contagious and worth catching.

 

[Matt555]

It's that time of year again. For some, it's the worst time of year.

For the past two years now, I grow insufferably miserable starting around this time. My sleep goes to hell, I lose my appetite, and I just feel like complete and utter crap. It was pretty severe last year but I really didn't know how to cope with it; even considered seeing a shrink.

The reason for it isn't too clear. I think much of it has to do with the loss of my father eleven years ago. Yep, still. Seems he was the one that held the family together. After he passed, everyone seemed to grow apart from one another. It doesn't help that most of my family doesn't live anywhere near here, either.

Just want to see who else gets bluesy this time of year and what you do to keep it at bay. Sorry if I sound like a downer. I genuinely hope advice given in this thread helps not only me, but others, too. Frankly, I don't even know where to start.

Thanks, guys.

Where do you live? Seasonal Affective Disorder is possible anywhere, but people who live in areas with severe winters are at higher risk. I don't suffer from it but I would suggest ordering a few books on the subject. There is no shortage of them.....

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=sr_nr_p_85_0?rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3Aseasonal+affective+disorder%2Cp_85%3A2470955011&bbn=283155&keywords=seasonal+affective+disorder&ie=UTF8&qid=1350939567&rnid=2470954011

 

[OldSchoolYoungin]

I'm in the Southeast, so winters are very mild here. It's not the weather that bothers me - I love cool weather - it's just the holidays and the memories that used to go along with them. I don't think SAD is my issue, honestly.

 

[noahpictures]

I don't know where to begin. I'll just mention that I've been there and that my wife is a therapist (psychologist); so if it could happen to me it could happen to anyone. In my opinion depression is as common as the cold and the flu. This is the conversation that I had with others when I was depressed:

OTHERS: You need to exercise, get some sun, socialize, eat chocolate, get closer to God, have some faith, be positive, be healthy....blah, blah, blah...
ME: No kidding! (sarcastically).

What people who aren't depressed don't understand is the depression will not allow to do all of the above. The best thing to do is to begin with one thing and do that consistently. After a while other activities can be added.

Anyway this is what helped me.

1. Monitor and challenge negative thoughts.
2. Meditation (about eight minutes) : sit with legs uncrossed, arms on the side in a dignified but comfortable position. Close eyes and focus on breathing. If thoughts cross your mind, acknowledge/register them and come back to focusing on breathing.
3. Exercise. Best thing I did was buy a pullup bar. That led to p90x, which opened the door. Important thing is to exercise for at least twenty minutes daily. Lifting heavy objects and keeping the heart rate up are ideal. Ashtanga yoga is also awesome.

That's it. I encourage going to talk therapy (cognitive behavior) which teaches skills. If the therapist doesn't give you a homework assignment in the first month, change the therapist. Feel free to ask questions.

Here are the best books I've read about the subject that aren't about theory but are hands on:

"Mindfulness" (an eight week program) by Williams, Penman, Zinn.
"When Panic Attacks" by David Burns (M.D). Ignore the title, it's not just about anxiety but also depression, shyness...etc.

Again both of the books are hands on and backed by scientific studies. Needless to say I am not associated with the authors in any way.

 

[Kairtane]

I tend to be a bit depressive once the amount of daylight starts getting short. Working with my doctor, we discovered that a low dose anti-depressant works well. I start taking it when the clocks get set back and come off in the spring when the clocks change forward.

 

[oc_in_fw]

A bit- my mom died on Thanksgiving day when I was 13.

On edit: I am lucky- both my sister live within 30 miles of me.

 

[OldSchoolYoungin]

Many thanks for all your suggestions, people.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't look towards alcohol as a way out. Truthfully, I do. Last holiday season, I drank like a fish to semi-regulate my little internal struggles. It's not the best answer, but certainly the most convenient one.

My issues pale in comparison to what others are going through at any given time, but putting a temporary Band-Aid on it keeps the pain at bay for some length. That's the American way, after all.

I think I need a shrink.

 

[oc_in_fw]

Many thanks for all your suggestions, people.

It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't look towards alcohol as a way out. Truthfully, I do. Last holiday season, I drank like a fish to semi-regulate my little internal struggles. It's not the best answer, but certainly the most convenient one.

My issues pale in comparison to what others are going through at any given time, but putting a temporary Band-Aid on it keeps the pain at bay for some length. That's the American way, after all.

I think I need a shrink.

I used to do that, too. Then I realized I was only hurting my grand kids. Just because I have had bad holidays doesn't mean they need to.