Anthony Bourdain Dead At 61

[ajkel64]

Thank you for sharing your story and for your honesty. I for one appreciate would you have said.

 

[kelbro]

Thanks for sharing your story @Kurtis . I hope that it will help someone that is suffering through that hopeless despair.

 

[Kurtis]

Thanks folks for taking my story the way it was intended. Asking for help is the toughest thing to do. People are afraid of being seen as a failure. Once you ask for help though, you feel immense relief. It's finally out there and you're not alone any more. And once you get help you realize you're never going to have to live that way again. You'll still have some rough times, but you realize you're in control. The rough times won't last forever. It's a wonderful feeling.

 

[ex-bugonaut]

To be, or not to be...

That is the question.

You’ve been there and come back to tell us of your journey. Thank you.

 

[Rushman2112]

Just caught the Hanoi episode on Discovery here, where he has noodles with Obama. I almost blubbered a few times watching it, especially when he said to Obama he had a 5 year old daughter and would the world be alright for her to grow up in.

 

[njtnjt]

Anthony was one of the very few people that appear on TV that I really listened to. I felt gutted hearing the news that he was gone from here and on a new adventure.

 

[PreachTheWord]

I've suffered with depression/anxiety my entire adult life. I'm going to speak about me here, but it applies to many other sufferers as well. I was a master of deception. A lot of depressed people are. I came close to crossing the line Mr. Bourdain just crossed more than once in my younger days. I'm 52 now. If I did commit suicide, 98% of the people that knew me would have thought I was the last person who would ever do that. I was funny, charming, confident, intelligent, and the guy people wanted to be around. That was in public. Privately I was suffering alone and barely making it. Self medicating (drinking, drugs, etc.) worked for a while, but eventually I hated myself even more because I didn't want to be doing those things. But that was the only way to escape, to have a different feeling than I was feeling inside. It's a bad place to be. After struggling for years, and make no mistake, you fight your butt off every day, I reached a point where I was physically and mentally exhausted. Emotionally empty. I just wanted it to end. At that point you really aren't thinking about anything except not feeling the way you do. You're deep in a hole that has no light coming in. It is selfish, but the despair is usually so great that rational thinking is over. Suicide becomes an option. A good one. It'll stop everything. I wasn't thinking about the people that loved me, only ending the dreadful, oppressive despair that I carried every minute of every day. Luckily I had a rational thought. If I can choose to commit suicide, I can also choose not to commit suicide. I had enough of "me" left to realize that. Some sufferers don't. It may have only been a fraction of a percent, but it was enough. I went to my Parents that night and broke down. The next day we started. I wasn't in this alone any more. After a couple of months I felt I could actually win this battle. After about a year I was in control. It took medication and counseling, but I found myself again. I still take medication today. Society makes medication seem like some sort of "happy pills". It doesn't work that way. I have a full range of emotions. Happy, sad, angry, and all in between. I cry, I laugh, and I still get depressed. The depression now is something I'm not afraid of. The medication just gives me some solid footing to fight. Before, I had none. The depression would just beat me down. It still does sometimes, but now I have the strength to fight it. I'll have this battle all of my life probably. But now I know I'm going to win. Every time.

If any of this sounds like you or somebody you know, call somebody. Call a hotline. Anything. Don't let society make you think you're weak or just can't handle it. It's a disease. You can be helped and you will win. It won't be easy, but if you're depressed, life hasn't been easy anyway. It's worth the fight.

Sorry for the long post. Some people may find it inappropriate to be so open about personal issues on an internet forum. To "bare one's soul" so to speak. I don't care if the whole world knows. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed in the least. If I help one person find their way, that's all that matters.

Kurt

Thank you for that. Your testimony helps me to understand better.

 

[Carson West]

What impressed me most about Bourdain was his chameleon-like ability to feel comfortable with anyone or any group of people, anywhere in the world. But I think he'd suffered with emotional problems for much of his life. He went through a period of heavy drug use including heroine. Rest in peace Anthony.