What is the funniest thing your spouse ever said?

[oakeshott]

A long standing joke between my wife and me is that she's not funny. It's only a joke because she is actually quite funny and a lot of our time together is spent laughing. A fair amount is also me ducking for cover (metaphorically), but we have a good time. I'd like to know who else here has a spouse that makes them laugh and share with us the funniest thing you think they've ever done or said. I'll start and let me add that this is a true story.

Five or six years ago, I came home late from a road trip, around 11pm. I'd been gone for not quite a week and after bringing in my luggage and taking a quick shower, I curled up against my bride, already fast asleep, and put my arms around her. (At this point, underage members may want to leave the forum). I could tell that my presence had wakened her marginally and it occurred to the both of us, in total darkness and without a single word spoken, that this would be a good time to renew our vows of love and fidelity but to do so in such a manner as to not wake the children. Having accomplished this renewal of our affection, esteem, admiration and respect, we settled comfortably in that particular silence which precedes sleep. A moment passed and then she said the funniest thing I'd ever heard:













"Honey...that is you, isn't it?"

 

[tinashubby]

I once wrote an item on our grocery shopping list and she raised her voice and said "the list is for things I need to buy at the store!" ...err...Here's your sign?...

 

[TheVez2]

"I Do"

Seriously though, my wife is quite funny. That is one thing I love about her. She was playing with the cat one evening and it swatted at her face and nearly scratched her. My wife said, "oh, you almost got me with your cat-like reflexes." I was laughing so hard. I said, "Babe, she's a cat, they are just called reflexes!"

 

[nole1]

Probably not the funniest but the most recent one I can think of...

The wife was trying to guess all the teams in the NFL. She was trying to figure out Houston.

Her: Is it an animal?
Me: No.
Her: Is it a group of people?
Me: Yes.
Her: The orioles?
Me: *uncontrollable laughter*

 

[mikelz777]

I once wrote an item on our grocery shopping list and she raided her voice and said "the list is for things I need to buy at the store!" ...err...Here's your sign?...

I've read this 6 times and I still don't understand it.


My wife isn't especially adept at the art of smack talk. We were goofing around one night and at one point, I asked her if she had a match so I could light a cigarette. She replied, "Yeah, I have a match for you. Your butt and my face!". (Maybe she's dyslexic? )

 

[hedonist222]

�� hilarious

 

[BrookR1]

My wife is only funny when she repeats the things I say to her. She gets into character and contorts her face and lowers her voice. It's diffused a few arguments.

 

[Graybeard57]

One afternoon my bride of 26 years was running the food disposer when the parakeet and parrot family members started yelling and squawking at her, very upset with the noise. She turned to them and yelled, "Oh, be quiet, you two! It's not like I'm grinding up birds here!!" The birds immediately became silent, and waited for the noise to stop. They've never complained about it since.

 

[bakerbarber]

This might only be funny to people on the East Coast.

Once during an introduction of my wife to a co-worker I told her that he runs Marathons. She asked him which one. Then she mentioned two towns nearby and asked the man she had just met if he ran either of those Marathons or if someone else did.

After their brief chatter and when we were out of earshot of this fellow I explained to her that the man she just met was a runner. He jogs and runs races. He doesn't own or run either of the gas stations she was talking about...

 

[Commander Quan]

My wife: "You have too many hobbies"

Me:

 

[Seadooer]

When I told my first wife 25yrs ago that I was not happy with our marriage and I wanted a devorce. She asked why I wanted a devorce?

 

[Kentos]

"I do"