Dear $#!thead,
Hi. You don't know me, but if you browse through the photos on the memory card inside the camera you stole out of my luggage yesterday, you'll get a pretty good introduction. There's a couple of Christmases on there -- that older guy missing half his fingers is my dad. He just lost his retirement recently. And of course there's my mom in the gaudy holiday sweatshirt -- she's a public school teacher. Remember your elementary school days? She's the teacher that kept up the futile fight every day to get kids like you to take learning seriously and develop some ambition, but then took the blame when it didn't stick and you eventually dropped out.
And then there's me. I'm the chubby, well-shaven younger guy in the glasses. I'm a graduate student studying the molecular biology underlying adverse immunological events in cell-based leukemia therapies. Didn't understand that? Put more simply, I'm trying to contribute to the betterment of mankind. Might even (in some small way) help treat your sorry *** someday, that is if you keep away from the shady pawn shops and back alley drug dealers you're almost certainly headed to with the camera you just stole from me. Folks like you don't often die of cancer, for some strange reason.
I hope you get a lot of money for the camera. I hope the drugs you buy with the money give you the best high you've had in years. Because the camera made me happy too. And it might as well be making someone happy, now that I don't have it anymore. Unfortunately, I've seen the same camera I paid about $800 for not long after it came out on sale for $500 brand new recently, and I suspect without all the accessories or battery charger I left in Cleveland it's going to bring you as much as you expect it will. It's not a Nikon or a Canon, but I doubt you took a moment to consider that there were almost surely more valuable cameras in the other luggage on that flight.
When you get a chance, thank the nice folks at the Continental baggage office and the TSA for me. I had the distinct pleasure of being the hot potato in their "pass the buck" game last night in trying to find out who to file the report with. If you know a lady named Jane, thank her sincerely for me for admitting definitively that without any TSA stickers or cards on my bag, I needed to deal with the airline. If you ever encounter anyone way up the chain at Continental, thank them for ensuring in their contract of carriage that they're conveniently well-disclaimed from responsibility in the case of just about absolutely anything that might be valuable, fragile, or attractive for you to steal. I'm still going to file a report and enclose my receipts, but I sincerely doubt I'll ever get reimbursed for your theft. Yeah, it sucks -- as much as I'd like to take this out on someone, and the satisfaction I'd get in making that someone a big faceless evil airline company (although I've been completely satisfied with your airline up to this point), I have to be a realist. Also, thank them for certainly compensating you as a baggage handler better than the biomedical researcher you stole a camera from. Yup! It's true!
In closing, please tell everyone you know to be sure to carry on stuff like cameras. I was on my way to a conference in San Diego, and had a ton of conference itinerary materials I wanted to go through on the flight, plus my laptop and my poster, so in the interest of space and convenience I decided the camera would have to go in the suitcase. I've done that before, and haven't had any problems. I'm definitely going to do things differently now, if I can save up the money to buy a new camera that is.
Also, if you're still in a stealin' mood, keep a lookout for my bag when I'm on my way back to Cleveland on Wednesday. There's a Merkur 38C DE razor in there, a Simpson's travel brush, some blades, and a couple tubes of cream. Steal that and give it a whirl. It'll change the way you shave, I promise.
Sincerely,
Pat, the guy you stole the camera from.
Sorry guys, I'm on my own out here this time and I really, really needed to vent.
Hi. You don't know me, but if you browse through the photos on the memory card inside the camera you stole out of my luggage yesterday, you'll get a pretty good introduction. There's a couple of Christmases on there -- that older guy missing half his fingers is my dad. He just lost his retirement recently. And of course there's my mom in the gaudy holiday sweatshirt -- she's a public school teacher. Remember your elementary school days? She's the teacher that kept up the futile fight every day to get kids like you to take learning seriously and develop some ambition, but then took the blame when it didn't stick and you eventually dropped out.
And then there's me. I'm the chubby, well-shaven younger guy in the glasses. I'm a graduate student studying the molecular biology underlying adverse immunological events in cell-based leukemia therapies. Didn't understand that? Put more simply, I'm trying to contribute to the betterment of mankind. Might even (in some small way) help treat your sorry *** someday, that is if you keep away from the shady pawn shops and back alley drug dealers you're almost certainly headed to with the camera you just stole from me. Folks like you don't often die of cancer, for some strange reason.
I hope you get a lot of money for the camera. I hope the drugs you buy with the money give you the best high you've had in years. Because the camera made me happy too. And it might as well be making someone happy, now that I don't have it anymore. Unfortunately, I've seen the same camera I paid about $800 for not long after it came out on sale for $500 brand new recently, and I suspect without all the accessories or battery charger I left in Cleveland it's going to bring you as much as you expect it will. It's not a Nikon or a Canon, but I doubt you took a moment to consider that there were almost surely more valuable cameras in the other luggage on that flight.
When you get a chance, thank the nice folks at the Continental baggage office and the TSA for me. I had the distinct pleasure of being the hot potato in their "pass the buck" game last night in trying to find out who to file the report with. If you know a lady named Jane, thank her sincerely for me for admitting definitively that without any TSA stickers or cards on my bag, I needed to deal with the airline. If you ever encounter anyone way up the chain at Continental, thank them for ensuring in their contract of carriage that they're conveniently well-disclaimed from responsibility in the case of just about absolutely anything that might be valuable, fragile, or attractive for you to steal. I'm still going to file a report and enclose my receipts, but I sincerely doubt I'll ever get reimbursed for your theft. Yeah, it sucks -- as much as I'd like to take this out on someone, and the satisfaction I'd get in making that someone a big faceless evil airline company (although I've been completely satisfied with your airline up to this point), I have to be a realist. Also, thank them for certainly compensating you as a baggage handler better than the biomedical researcher you stole a camera from. Yup! It's true!
In closing, please tell everyone you know to be sure to carry on stuff like cameras. I was on my way to a conference in San Diego, and had a ton of conference itinerary materials I wanted to go through on the flight, plus my laptop and my poster, so in the interest of space and convenience I decided the camera would have to go in the suitcase. I've done that before, and haven't had any problems. I'm definitely going to do things differently now, if I can save up the money to buy a new camera that is.
Also, if you're still in a stealin' mood, keep a lookout for my bag when I'm on my way back to Cleveland on Wednesday. There's a Merkur 38C DE razor in there, a Simpson's travel brush, some blades, and a couple tubes of cream. Steal that and give it a whirl. It'll change the way you shave, I promise.
Sincerely,
Pat, the guy you stole the camera from.
Sorry guys, I'm on my own out here this time and I really, really needed to vent.