Is vengence worth it?

[SAFETYpin]

Basically a long term 7year relationship was just ended rather suddenly. It turns out she was cheating IMO with two other guys (emotionally nothing physical) It was probably going on for about a year.

The vengeance? Do I inform these two individuals of each other?

I am trying to be adult about this and not say anything, but its very tempting. She left me hurting to go pursue relationships that she started while we were together. And she blames me for the break up. I suppose there's too much bull**** to put in a forum post.

FML

 

[Dewaine]

The more gentlemanly you behave the happier you will be in the long term. If you stoop to a lower level, you might not come back up for a long time, and you will be less prepared to begin a better relationship. You cannot control others' behavior or motivations; but you can be master of your own.

 

[kongjie]

Nope, just move on. It won't help you and at this point that's all you should care about. The faster you can let go of all of it--including the anger that's pointing you to revenge--the better. And make sure it's all gone before you get involved with someone else. Nothing ruins a date more than someone bitching about their ex.

 

[SAFETYpin]

Your all very correct, and I agree. It sucks to be so blindsided by this, I wish I could have seen the bus coming.

 

[mretzloff]

Sorry to hear about your bad luck. If you choose to take the highroad, you will find that, in the end, you will be rewarded. She may very find herself in your shoes one day and wish she had never done this.

 

[Devish D]

Your all very correct, and I agree. It sucks to be so blindsided by this, I wish I could have seen the bus coming.

You have received brilliant advices from these gentlemen.Im sorry about the hurt and the pain,but also I hope that you can move forward with your head up.

 

[DE Shaver]

Although vengeance may seem like a desirable goal, ultimately it is an empty achievement. You are putting off the grieving process that is necessary for you to move on.

 

[Austin]

The more gentlemanly you behave the happier you will be in the long term. If you stoop to a lower level, you might not come back up for a long time, and you will be less prepared to begin a better relationship. You cannot control others' behavior or motivations; but you can be master of your own.

Agreed. Let it go and move on with your life.

 

[tpoof]

not sure if your a Christian, but scripture has words on the subject.

Mat 5:43 Ye have heard that it hath been said, Thou shalt love thy neighbour, and hate thine enemy.
Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

Eph 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:

Rom 8:5 For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit.

Rom 12:19 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.

as was said by others... best stick to the "high road"
the rest will work itself out

 

[Obsessed]

Let it go, and be happy you're done with her. It may not feel like it now, but you're already the winner in this situation.

(Besides, vengeance has a way of coming back to bite you. Who know what your ex or one or both of the other two guys will do in response to whatever you might do.)

 

[Feraud]

To echo all the good prior advice, I also suggest taking the high road. Karma finds a way..

If you need to feel better go out and buy some shaving supplies! It works for me!

 

[Ru4scuba?]

If you need to feel better go out and buy some shaving supplies! It works for me!

Excellent advice here my friend!

Sorry for your bad run lately....but, as a really good buddy of mine used to say all the time...."Its always darkest before the dawn."

Sounds like your "dawn" is right around the corner!

 

[Space]

yeah man the best revenge is living well. Start doing everything you want to do, maybe join a gym and get healthier, basically just be a happier person.

guaranteed she'll hear about you through other people and she'll try to come crawling back

that's when you knock her down a peg, and reveal your new hotter girlfriend.

 

[professorchaos]

Forget it and move on. She'll cause herself plenty of misery without you getting involved.

 

[Granaura]

I agree with all the gentlemen.

Remember. The best revenge is living well.

 

[luvmysuper]

It isn't worth another moments thought.
I'll add that the best revenge of all is to find someone and be happy without her.

 

[BCatl]

I depends on whether you want to get better. People are far better off to express hurt rather than anger. Anger usually follows hurt. It sort of goes: hurt, anger, subconscious guilt owing to the anger...followed by all kinds of sefl-defeating behavior that can last for years.

But does vengence feel good while you're doing it? Sure.

 

[global_dev]

why waste the time and effort! use that energy to get a great shave and out talking to new fish.

 

[OldSaw]

It isn't worth another moments thought.
I'll add that the best revenge of all is to find someone and be happy without her.

Ditto this AND if you really want justified vengeance, do nothing, as it will work out better than anything you could do without actually involving you. People like this have a real knack for bringing things on themselves. One day you'll hear through the grapevine, long after you have put it behind you and you can sit back and just crack a little smile.

 

[BCatl]

Here is a quote I put next to my desk to help me deal with people and put things in perspective:

"Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something."

Of course you could substitute "someone". So you are not alone. Everyone has this happen if they live long enough.

Sounds like to me you are already making postive steps by being able to come on here an mention how much this hurts. So you are on the road to feeling better already.