Great advice
Anyone here ever get out of a rut in life by making a complete change?
- Thread starter nsl
- Start date
Sounds like you need to take a holiday first, catch some sun, get some decent sleep and take the time to dream a little.
Good teachers and clowns are always in demand
Good teachers and clowns are always in demand
Definitely sounds like you need to look for a different job, but mainly because the one you have is nights, and you aren't enjoying that (which is completely understandable). As far as people go, I don't think there's ever a perfect job with perfect people. There are always people you don't get along with at work, sometimes a few, sometimes many.
When I was a young boy, I would whine to my Mom that I was hungry. She would say, "son, get in that cabinet and get you a can of spinach." I would tell her, "I don't want no spinach!" She would then just smile and say, "then you ain't that hungry now are you?"
Home is where your rump rests. If your miserable where your at now, you most likely will be miserable somewhere else. Look within, not where your at.
I knew a guy who had been married and divorced 7 different times and then had the nerve to tell me that all women sucked.
I'm thinking, he sucked. Watcha think?
I feel ya here. I have worked nights for 18 years and it's not good. But I look on the bright side. When I retire from this job in a few years, I look forward to working a day shift as a door greeter at Walmart.
Five years ago I was a drug rep. I was paid well. The job used to be a lot of fun. As access to doctors decreased and massive layoffs, the quality of the job plummeted. I was stress out, hated my job, throwing up, and close to murdering my boss.
I switched to a different company that was still in the healthcare field. I tool a $30,000 cut in income. However, the job was great. The company treated us better. I felt we were bringing value to our customers. The most important thing is I'm happy. My quality of life has gone way up.
My only regret is that I didn't make the change sooner.
I switched to a different company that was still in the healthcare field. I tool a $30,000 cut in income. However, the job was great. The company treated us better. I felt we were bringing value to our customers. The most important thing is I'm happy. My quality of life has gone way up.
My only regret is that I didn't make the change sooner.
While I've never worked nights I don't envy those that do. I've recently read something about how working nights can lead to depression and disconnect from the outside world.
This is likely the source of your problem. A quick google search reveals how harmful the night shift is.
http://health.usnews.com/health-new...the-night-shift-less-hazardous-to-your-health
http://work.chron.com/depression-working-night-shift-25729.html
There are endless links that you could read and gather more information. I just grabbed these two quickly.
Making a switch to a job with normal hours would likely help your situation immediately, after that you could look into changing the some of the other aspects of your life that you're not happy with.
This is likely the source of your problem. A quick google search reveals how harmful the night shift is.
http://health.usnews.com/health-new...the-night-shift-less-hazardous-to-your-health
http://work.chron.com/depression-working-night-shift-25729.html
There are endless links that you could read and gather more information. I just grabbed these two quickly.
Making a switch to a job with normal hours would likely help your situation immediately, after that you could look into changing the some of the other aspects of your life that you're not happy with.
I agree with [MENTION=87845]gwsmallwood[/MENTION] and [MENTION=73656]dfoulk[/MENTION] that getting off nights would be a huge step in the right direction; however, changing jobs is not likely to change irritable people with which you work. I personally find dealing with these kinds of people gets easier because I have God in my life.
I once read the three rules for happiness are 1) something to do 2) someone to love, and 3) something to hope for. Getting off nights would potentially help in all these areas because it would help you get more involved with traditional activities (e.g., attending church, joining a bowling league, playing golf, volunteering, etc.).
Hang in there [MENTION=59022]nsl[/MENTION] and let us know what you decide!
I once read the three rules for happiness are 1) something to do 2) someone to love, and 3) something to hope for. Getting off nights would potentially help in all these areas because it would help you get more involved with traditional activities (e.g., attending church, joining a bowling league, playing golf, volunteering, etc.).
Hang in there [MENTION=59022]nsl[/MENTION] and let us know what you decide!
I think it all depends on how you route your life around it? I have always been an over night guy, and look at days like most look at nights. There is still, at least around me and for me, a lot of night life and people to socialize with that keeps me going. My brain functions better at night, and I find the sun wears me down and makes me tired and less ambitious. Such as a lot of things in life, I think you need to ride things for what they are worth, adjust it to your needs and make the most of it. Life is what you make it.
Are you in a position that you can take some leave from work? If so, I advise you to do some travel. Maybe in the US, but I would advise going overseas to somewhere that interests you.
It is all very well to want change, but it sounds like you don't have any sort of plan. Take a holiday, check out somewhere completely new. You may find what you are looking for, and then have the beginnings of a plan.
What I do know is, nothing much changes for the better if you just sit around and wait to see what happens.
I think a lot of the advice here is great. I'll toss in my $.02 and experience since I'm a rut-prone person.
I've never been a person who enjoys his jobs. I'm still relatively young, but I've known since college that I was going to struggle with a normal career. Jobs, for me, are about finding the fastest way to retirement (retirement being a situation where I don't need to work for the money, not a situation where I'm sitting on my butt all day). Because of that, I'm extremely prone to ruts, especially if work tries to overshadow the rest of my life. I prefer manual labor over desk jobs, but I prefer the salary of a desk job even more.
Although I had ups and downs during my job prior to law school, I was never in a rut. Why? For a few reasons.
WORK RELATED:
1) There was always something to look forward to at work. They always had a party or a lunch or a celebration planned and on the calendar. Worst case, when I was dragging, I could look forward to that party next week.
2) I could work at my own leisure (within reason). I wasn't punching a clock, so if I wanted to show up at work at 10:30 and leave at 7:00, I could. As long as I was available during the core business hours, they didn't care when the work got done.
3) I could work from home (within reason). If I wanted to do some work at home until 10:00 to avoid rush hour, no problem. If I wanted to spend friday afternoon working on my back porch since it was nice outside, no problem. If I wanted to travel across the country and work out of a different office for a week... no problem.
SOCIAL RELATED:
4) I had a group of friends through my church that were constantly doing something. There was never a week where something wasn't happening, and more often than not, we would hang out every 2nd or 3rd day. Even if you're in a rut at work, having a vibrant social life can sustain you until work gets better.
5) My group of friends did a lot of things to just "get out of the house." We would do hiking excursions on the weekends. We would go to the go-kart track on a friday evening. Sand Volleyball on Mondays, church small group and dinner on Wednesdays, tennis Tuesdays and Thursdays. There was always an excuse to get out of the house.
ME RELATED:
6) I was in much better shape because I went to the gym. There are chemical reasons that you're mentally healthier when you're in shape, but it's also just a way to shake off some of the metaphorical crud that adheres to your soul when you spend all day sitting at a desk doing ultimately meaningless stuff, only getting up for the occasional pee break.
7) Hobbies. I had sports hobbies, electronics hobbies, creative hobbies, artistic hobbies. I had more than I could keep count of.
8) I cut the dang cable. Nothing is worse for the soul than watching everybody else live interesting lives while you're stuck in a rut. It also forces you to find something more meaningful to do with your time when you can't just waste your evenings away in TV land.
SPIRITUALLY RELATED:
You'll notice that many of these points are about having something to look forward to (or hope). When I'm in a rut, I find that the biggest thing I'm missing is hope. If all I have to hope for is staring at the same 4 walls until I eventually drop dead from a heart attack, there ain't much light at the end of the tunnel. You have to put some light at the end of that tunnel. You can do that through changes to your work life, your social life, your personal life, and your spiritual life (hence the categories above). As much as the changes to my work life, my social life, and my personal life were big in keeping me out of ruts, the changes to my spiritual life were even more a factor.
It's hard to get out of a rut, but it's even harder to stay out of ruts. That involves a massive amount of introspection that most people aren't comfortable with. Find the diseased parts of your life and prune them out... find the good parts of your life and make them into your priorities. Change your lifestyle so that it is rut-resistant. That's the only way to fix things in the long term.
I've never been a person who enjoys his jobs. I'm still relatively young, but I've known since college that I was going to struggle with a normal career. Jobs, for me, are about finding the fastest way to retirement (retirement being a situation where I don't need to work for the money, not a situation where I'm sitting on my butt all day). Because of that, I'm extremely prone to ruts, especially if work tries to overshadow the rest of my life. I prefer manual labor over desk jobs, but I prefer the salary of a desk job even more.
Although I had ups and downs during my job prior to law school, I was never in a rut. Why? For a few reasons.
WORK RELATED:
1) There was always something to look forward to at work. They always had a party or a lunch or a celebration planned and on the calendar. Worst case, when I was dragging, I could look forward to that party next week.
2) I could work at my own leisure (within reason). I wasn't punching a clock, so if I wanted to show up at work at 10:30 and leave at 7:00, I could. As long as I was available during the core business hours, they didn't care when the work got done.
3) I could work from home (within reason). If I wanted to do some work at home until 10:00 to avoid rush hour, no problem. If I wanted to spend friday afternoon working on my back porch since it was nice outside, no problem. If I wanted to travel across the country and work out of a different office for a week... no problem.
SOCIAL RELATED:
4) I had a group of friends through my church that were constantly doing something. There was never a week where something wasn't happening, and more often than not, we would hang out every 2nd or 3rd day. Even if you're in a rut at work, having a vibrant social life can sustain you until work gets better.
5) My group of friends did a lot of things to just "get out of the house." We would do hiking excursions on the weekends. We would go to the go-kart track on a friday evening. Sand Volleyball on Mondays, church small group and dinner on Wednesdays, tennis Tuesdays and Thursdays. There was always an excuse to get out of the house.
ME RELATED:
6) I was in much better shape because I went to the gym. There are chemical reasons that you're mentally healthier when you're in shape, but it's also just a way to shake off some of the metaphorical crud that adheres to your soul when you spend all day sitting at a desk doing ultimately meaningless stuff, only getting up for the occasional pee break.
7) Hobbies. I had sports hobbies, electronics hobbies, creative hobbies, artistic hobbies. I had more than I could keep count of.
8) I cut the dang cable. Nothing is worse for the soul than watching everybody else live interesting lives while you're stuck in a rut. It also forces you to find something more meaningful to do with your time when you can't just waste your evenings away in TV land.
SPIRITUALLY RELATED:
You'll notice that many of these points are about having something to look forward to (or hope). When I'm in a rut, I find that the biggest thing I'm missing is hope. If all I have to hope for is staring at the same 4 walls until I eventually drop dead from a heart attack, there ain't much light at the end of the tunnel. You have to put some light at the end of that tunnel. You can do that through changes to your work life, your social life, your personal life, and your spiritual life (hence the categories above). As much as the changes to my work life, my social life, and my personal life were big in keeping me out of ruts, the changes to my spiritual life were even more a factor.
It's hard to get out of a rut, but it's even harder to stay out of ruts. That involves a massive amount of introspection that most people aren't comfortable with. Find the diseased parts of your life and prune them out... find the good parts of your life and make them into your priorities. Change your lifestyle so that it is rut-resistant. That's the only way to fix things in the long term.
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Working nights might be a big factor.... just changing to work days may be enough to break the rut.
and make sure to name your wallet.
Last edited by a moderator:
- Thread starter
- #34
Also wanted to add that I own and live in was my Grandparents home.
Used to be the center of every holiday and summer for lots of family, now it is just me here.
Came into ownership about the same time as I started my job.
Was pretty cool at first staying here, but now it is, well, I can't really explain it.
Used to be the center of every holiday and summer for lots of family, now it is just me here.
Came into ownership about the same time as I started my job.
Was pretty cool at first staying here, but now it is, well, I can't really explain it.
So it started out being a source of good memories and now it's a constant reminder that you're alone. Maybe changing it to make it your own would help. Even if you don't end up staying there then, if you do it right, then you're likely generating some equity and making it easier to sell someday.
If you need a hobby, maybe fixing up your home would help. Doing some of it yourself is very rewarding. I know I enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done and I actually like working on the house as long as I don't have an insane deadline or the wife isn't complaining that I'm not getting it finished fast enough. If you're someone that will finish what they start it can be pretty rewarding both mentally and financially. Even a fresh coat of paint will make a huge difference and most people can do that themselves. Maybe get rid of some old window treatments as well. You just have to be a bit of a perfectionist about it to get good results and don't start a new task before you've completed the previous one.
The other thing that you keep coming back to is the fact that you're alone. Working nights like you do this doesn't surprise me at all. Go on match.com and meet some people. What's stopping you, there's someone for everyone on there. I'm sure you can find someone that works nights as well. Maybe someone else who also has a hard time meeting people because of their work schedule. Nobody wants to be alone and with these dating sites making it as easy as they do there's no reason anyone has to be.
One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was "living in a small town is whatever you make of it". I was asking my boss about moving to the same small town he lived in, which would put me closer to work. My wife and I bought a house in a different small town where we currently live. My boss told me that I could live in a small town and take it for what it was and I probably wouldn't be happy. If I got involved with the community I would enjoy it no matter how big or small. It took a near crash and burn for me to realize what the key to happiness was.
Maybe getting involved somewhere or somehow would help your situation. In the recent months I have found peace with the fact that I work grave shift with split days off. During my time off from work I help out at my church with the youth programs. As I have gotten more involved with the church, both spiritually and through volunteering, my life has taken a 180 degree change for the better. I don't care for my job when I'm there, but it pays the bills and has good benefits. I don't get along with all of my co-workers either. I used to let that eat me up. Now I have realized that my job doesn't define me. It just allows me to pay the bills and makes it almost affordable to seek medical care when I need it.
I am defined by what I do outside of work. Maybe some personal reflection will reveal that a life altering abrupt change isn't necessary. Maybe the fix is something small like volunteering time, joining a church, or finding a club/group to get involved with.
Maybe getting involved somewhere or somehow would help your situation. In the recent months I have found peace with the fact that I work grave shift with split days off. During my time off from work I help out at my church with the youth programs. As I have gotten more involved with the church, both spiritually and through volunteering, my life has taken a 180 degree change for the better. I don't care for my job when I'm there, but it pays the bills and has good benefits. I don't get along with all of my co-workers either. I used to let that eat me up. Now I have realized that my job doesn't define me. It just allows me to pay the bills and makes it almost affordable to seek medical care when I need it.
I am defined by what I do outside of work. Maybe some personal reflection will reveal that a life altering abrupt change isn't necessary. Maybe the fix is something small like volunteering time, joining a church, or finding a club/group to get involved with.
- Thread starter
- #37
Would like to fix it up, but it just needs too much, and the area is not getting any better.
This says it isn't all to be blamed on the people at work, or working nights. It's you! But guess what? It's me too, and its whoever else has posted in this thread or anywhere else in the world. It's my vote before you quit your job and sell the house you look at the man in the mirror. Maybe in the end it is the people at work, or working nights, or living in your Grandparents house, but first you should figure you out, then make some decisions.
You also say you don't want to take a lower paying job and struggle. Well, if that job made you look forward to getting up and going to work, would the struggle of having less money even matter? Sounds like you have all the money you need and your struggling now.
Sounds to me like OP is just lonely and in need of a relationship. A serious problem to be sure, but one that can be corrected without quitting work or moving.
OP, you have a good job and a home of your own. Trust me, to a lot of ladies out there you will be considered a good catch for those reasons alone. Night shift hours won't matter, compared to some of the scumbags these women are used to dating. Do some dating, take some vacations, enjoy yourself.
OP, you have a good job and a home of your own. Trust me, to a lot of ladies out there you will be considered a good catch for those reasons alone. Night shift hours won't matter, compared to some of the scumbags these women are used to dating. Do some dating, take some vacations, enjoy yourself.
Plenty of dating and vacations yes. But I can not side with relationships 
