A gentleman's guide to love

[Haber Dashing]

Love is not so fickle a thing as to be quantified as a feeling. Love is to be carried out as a self imposed duty on behalf of those we love. It does not ebb and flow like the sea. It is dynamic in the way it makes you feel, but steadfast, diligent, and static in its responsibility. Love carried out by feeling, without duty, in a dishonorable way, is the ruin of man. But when carried out dutifully, respectably, and selflessly, is love in its finest form.

How often do we hear of people falling in and out of love? How often do we see family members acting shamelessly towards one another? Why is it that man is so base as to act on the first feeling that comes to mind without regard for their fellow man? I think that as a whole, people think of love in terms of feelings, and not in terms of duty. If anything love without duty isn't love. It doesn't matter how much someone says it, if they don't act accordingly it isn't real. Respect and duty make up the foundation of love. We should teach our families how to love, and stop feeding them romanticized garbage about feelings. We all know what kind of feelings can come from love, but unless we show them that its something we do, then its something they may go a whole lifetime without learning. Anyway, your own thoughts and comments are all welcome.

Respectfully Yours,
Haber Dashing

 

[mmack66]

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyBcHUe4WeQ[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Haber Dashing]

[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CyBcHUe4WeQ[/YOUTUBE]

What a beautiful song. Thanks for sharing. I wasn't basing this thread on anything personal going on in my life atm, but rather on reflections on a book I have been reading by Baltasar Gracian, "The Art of Worldly Wisdom", a great read for any gentleman. Anyways, keep the thoughts coming in.

Respectfully Yours,

Haber Dashing

 

[Tricky]

Right on... I could not agree more. It pains me to see some of my good friends get divorced, especially at such a young age. I just chalk it up to the idea that my generation can't/won't work really hard for anything.

 

[Grumpy Old Git]

What saddened me was when the phrase "starter marriage" started being bandied around for when you divorce amicably after a couple of years with no kids to make it complicated.

 

[HopHead]

I've learned that you don't truely love somebody until you hate them just a little bit.

 

[KarthVader]

After being single for ~6 years, I don't believe in love anymore. I think it's something that society promises and over glamorizes, but I haven't seen it, much less felt it.

 

[Wendy]

I get sick of hearing "we fell out of love" Really? How? I have never fell out of love with my parents, siblings, children, etc. How is it that people fall out of love with a spouse? Did they really love them to begin with? Thoughts?

 

[The Knize]

Ice feels kinda thin out on this thread!

I think the word love covers a lot of ground in English and what is being talked about is lots of different things. Falling in love and loving one's children are different kinds of experiences. That initial kind of blinding romantic love is important, but transitory. It may evolve into something even "better" but it will not continue forever as it began.

 

[Haber Dashing]

My view is that love is something that is done. It is a series of actions carried out with the best interest of its recipient in mind. It is not just something we feel. The modern view of love is like a cup of coffee. You can drink it all at one time or sip on it till it gets cold. And if you don't get a fresh pot...its over. There is no personal responsibility in this. There is no nurturing. It does not only apply to those we fall in love with. It applies to those we meet for the first time, those we interact with on a daily basis, as well as friends, family, coworkers, etc. When we take it upon ourselves to love all the people in our lives, as well as the things that make us who we are be it patriotic spirit, our ideals, ideas, or the morals and code we choose to follow it is done proactively. It is acted upon. The feeling of loving someone is nice, but not self sustaining. When we love, we act with regard for the object of our efforts. In that way, it fills its own need, and recycles the emotions we like to feel, but without regret. It is the foundation, the cornerstone of being a gentlemen. It breeds the spirit of reciprocity, kinship, unity, and admiration. To act dutifully to this call is the herald of the gallant.

Respectfully Yours,

Haber Dashing

 

[RBE17]

I've learned that you don't truely love somebody until you hate them just a little bit.

That made me chuckle.

I get sick of hearing "we fell out of love" Really? How? I have never fell out of love with my parents, siblings, children, etc. How is it that people fall out of love with a spouse? Did they really love them to begin with? Thoughts?

Different types of love. Your love for you parents and especially your children is unconditional. Even though love found you, you choose to love your spouse / SO. There are highs and lows in a relationship and the amount of love you have for you SO during those times can dictate the direction of the relationship. Loving and being in love with someone are two totally different things. You need to be in love w/ your SO if you want to make a relationship work. Clear as mud???

 

[Emmett]

Ice feels kinda thin out on this thread!

No kidding.

 

[The Knize]

No kidding.

Word!

 

[Obsessed]

Ice feels kinda thin out on this thread!

No kidding.

Could be worse - I initially thought it was the Gentlemen's Club Guide to Love, which seemed really inappropriate.

 

[JPM]

Could be worse - I initially thought it was the Gentlemen's Club Guide to Love, which seemed really inappropriate.

I think the only entry in that guide is, "You get what you pay for."

 

[KarthVader]

I think the only entry in that guide is, "You get what you pay for."

 

[RBE17]

This thread really fizzled out. It had a lot of potential for a really good discussion.

 

[Baloosh]

I get sick of hearing "we fell out of love" Really? How? I have never fell out of love with my parents, siblings, children, etc. How is it that people fall out of love with a spouse? Did they really love them to begin with? Thoughts?

Love with a spouse/significant other is romantic love. The other relationships you describe are family love -- usually unconditional. For example, you'll never stop loving your kids, no matter what they do or say.

However, it's very possible to lose the romantic love for your spouse/partner.

Great site that talks about it in detail:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com

After my divorce a few years back, I learned a LOT about myself, and future relationships, from that site.