Interesting, funny, odd colloquialisms

[Walker]

You're not the brightest Crayon in the box.

You're running 'round like a chicken with his head cut off--you're doing everything except working

About as useless as a monkey ****ing a football

 

[HokieGeek]

When a coworker wants to say that another company is involved in a project, he says "They've got a pig in the race." Makes me laugh!

 

[Barber-Eile]

Great post guys, Thanks many of these have me laughing.... I just thought of one, What exactly does it mean when an Englishman says " Bob's your uncle"

I am lead to believe the whole phrase is "well Bob's your uncle and Fanny's your aunt!" or at least that what I've been told here.
"Bob's you're uncle" means sort of "There you go" or "and there you have it"

eg.
"Essembling this table is easy. You just put the top here and glue the legs there and Bob's your uncle - it's done!"

I like reading this thread but could I ask maybe if people could give explanations of the phrases too please as while I find them all funny I haven't the foggiest what some of them mean - thanks!

Haven't the foggiest = haven't a clue.

 

[auk1124]

madder than a wet hen = very angry

sweating like a (insert crude word for prostitute) in church = either sweaty from heat or nerves

wouldn't pull the hat off your head = a very weak vehicle (usually a pickup truck)

couldn't hit the side of a barn = a poor shot

Poke = a bag or sack

Heavens to Betsy = egad!

Hell and half of Georgia = a very long distance, as in "We had to drive through Hell and half of Georgia to get there."

Nut-cutting time = time to get down to business

Month of Sundays = a very long time

Root hog or die = get down to business, same as "put up or shut up"

 

[KaiserKrebs]

I read an interesting article a while back about Victorian Era slang, very amusing, as much of it was pretty bawdy. ie " Playing the three penny upright " refered to an encounter with the lowliest of " ladies of the evening " as the price, and position are described.

 

[Hat]

Colder than the balls on a brass monkey.

Nautical term: Brass monkey was a triangular form on war ships.

Cannon balls were stacked inside of brass monkey forming a pyramid.

During very cold weather Brass Monkey would contract thus spilling the cannon balls.

Terry

Hey! Pretty good, cully. I've done all my Patrick O'Brian, Julian Stockwin, C.S. Forester, most Alexander Kent and some Dewey Lambdin - but never do I remember this one, ain't you a learned cove! Thanks.

 

[kg0mz]

I remember hearing this growing up..."What do you want me to do about it put on a black hat and say mass?"

That and I remember my grandmother saying, "You should lose all your teeth except one, and that one should ache!"

 

[AdrianR]

Here's some more Limey classics:

"Running around like a blue-arsed fly" - moving quickly, almost in a panic.

"I wouldn't **** on him if he were on fire", and "I wouldn't give him a nod in the desert" - both to express your extreme dislike for someone.

"He couldn't organise a ****-up in a brewery" - he is an extremely disorganized fellow who cannot accomplish a simple task ('****-up' is a vulgar way of describing an intense drinking session).

 

[a_bit_crafty]

I just remembered a great one my mum says that I do too now:
"she's all fur coat and no knickers"
meaning she's trying to act upper class but is really just trashy.

I'm going to have to introduce that over here. Perfect.

Hmm we say "not the sharpest knife in the drawer" and also "not the shiniest penny in the fountain".

As for the rude words... lol... yes. Here in Ireland the "f" word can mean a lot of things. For the purposes of keeping it clean on here I'm going to tell the following story but replace that word with the word "muc". I hope that's ok.

So over here if you throw something down roughly you say you'd muc it. So you'd say something like "don't just come home and muc your coat on the ground" to someone who had thrown their coat on the floor.

I was in college many years ago and was having a chat with a tutor of mine whom I got along with very well and we often chatted just about our day to day kind of things. Now in England, and most places, the word "muc" often means to be carnally intimate with someone. So the following conversation was very amusing for us both once we realised we had our meanings crossed.

Me: "so I was in jujitsu the other night and that guy I like was there"
Tutor: " oh yea? Did you get a chance to talk to him?"
Me: " yeah, halfway through the class we were paired together and he muced me on the floor"
Tutor: "what?"
Me: "yeah it was really hard and everything! He just grabbed my gi and muced me on the floor in the middle of class and pinned me down"
Tutor: "... ..."
Me: "I probably have some bruises from it and everything. I'm okay though. We're a pretty good pairing physical-wise".
Tutor: "you mean he just (carnal term) you? ...WHAT?"
Me: "Ooooo!! Oh no! No he just threw me to the ground. Wait... do you not use that term in that way here?"

... followed by a whole lot of laughing. I never made that mistake again!


What makes it even funnier to me is that the term "gi" is what the martial arts outfit is called but it is prounced "gee". In Ireland "gee" is sort of an outdated but funny term for an intimate lady area! Our jujitsu teacher said he could always tell the Irish people in the class each year because whenever he would say "ok now grab her by the gi" all the Irish would giggle!

That's fantastic! Thanks for the LOL!

Where I live, it can get ghastly hot and humid to the point where you just don't want to go outside. My grandmother used to say, "Hot enough to fry an egg on the sidewalk." I always wanted to try that.

 

[Umbranaut]

"Learning the ropes."

Nautical term: A new sailor working on the deck of a sailing ship had to learn the function of each rope attached to the deck. Quite a difficult task.

Terry

 

[Catseye]

"Fair to middling" is a phrase my father always used when asked how he was doing. Some brief research into that one shows that those appear to be grades of cotton. My dad's side of the family were sharecroppers way back, so I have to wonder if that's where it came from.

That's exactly what it's talking about and most folk in cotton country use it.

 

[Ruck]

Playing cards with my wife's Grandmother a few years back, she made the comment that one of her cards was "about as useful as **** on a bull". But she didn't say it clearly, so a few of us thought she said "boy", which made it absolutely hysterical at the time.

My dad used to refer to being in a position of disadvantage (usually by your own doing) as "suckling hind ***". As far as I can tell I assume this is in reference to the weakest/last pup from the litter being stuck with the spot that's closest to the rectum.

"rode hard and hung up wet", usually heard in reference to a rough/trashy looking woman. Assuming it has something to do with horses and tack being mistreated and looking weathered by it.

 

[Walker]

I thought it would be interesting to post this here. It's a video of my home town, most people don't know it exists. Since we are doing funny and odd sayings, here is an accent that is unique to America, they call it Elizabethan and there are only 630 people left on this little island in the middle of the Chesapeake Bay. I'm not here to spread propaganda about the plight of Tangier, i just wanted to share the language with you. The guy they interview at the beginning of the video is my best friend I grew up with (Jason). I have since moved away but it remains my home town.





[YOUTUBE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joHvkykWcH4[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Duamuteffe]

If my grandfather agrees to be somewhere or do something on a certain date, sometimes he adds, "if the good lord's willing and the creeks don't rise." Also, when my mother was younger, if she complained about being cold in the winter he'd say, "Many are cold, but few are frozen." (to which she invariably added, "And I am one of the Frozen Few."

I find that now I'm older and around more children, I use some of my father's substitute swear words; "Holy jumpin' !" and "He's a bad actor, " being two of my faves. I also have inherited "purtinear, " which is my best attempt at spelling what I assume to be a Pennsylvania version of "pretty nearly." Some people refer to where I grew up as BFE, which over the years I have heard referencing a number of other rural places, and it stands for something both crude and fairly nonsensical.

My husband and I had a heck of a fight over a misunderstood colloquialism back when we were engaged; I wasn't feeling very well and fell asleep during a movie we were watching at his place. When I woke up I asked him if we were going to watch anything else. He replied, "Well, I thought we were, and then you flaked out on me." To him, being from Yorkshire, it meant I'd fallen asleep. To me, from PA and already ornery from being sick, it sounded like he was scolding me for falling asleep while ill. That took a while to sort out. #grins#

 

[Legion]

My father was a military man, so he had a million of them. One that springs to mind, when I would dress up to go out he would tell me "you look like a pox doctors clark." I never knew what that meant, but, coming from him, I knew it was not complimentary.

 

[Ruck]

Another fatherly one...

"looks like Hogan's Goat" - not a good thing.

 

[Barber-Eile]

We also say "six of one and half a dozen of the other" which means " it's the same thing no matter which you choose". Or " same difference" which means more like it's going to give the same result no matter which option you take.

 

[Mr. Scruffy]

In Texas we use the word "fixing" meaning "preparing" or "getting ready" as in:

I'm fixin' to start dinner.

I'm fixin' to whomp you on the head.

I'm fixin' to fix the fence.


Other Texas colloquialisms:

He's the north-bound end of a south-bound horse.

He couldn't find his butt if his hands were sewn into his hip pockets.

That's like trying to herd cats. (meaning something's very difficult)

He's so dumb he couldn't poor **** out of his boot if you wrote the instructions on the heel.

...smiling like a jackass eating cactus.

She looks like she was rode hard and put away wet.

He's about as useful as **** on a bull.

 

[poppi]

Down here in Louisiana, if you really get someone angry, they might say to you, "I'm gonna slap you naked"

If you find a food dish that you especially like you might say, "That's so good it makes you want to slap your momma".

I have no idea where these came from or anything else about them but do find myself using them from time to time. Especially with my kids/grandkids

 

[redwing]

dont pee on my leg and tell me it's raining

katie bar the door