Okay, this thread is for all you weekend comedy writers to post their ORIGINAL jokes, one-liners, riddles, observational bits, outrageous puns. song lyrics and other funnies. The only rule is that you must have made them up yourself (because anyone can post other people's jokes).
I'll start it with one I originally posted in another thread in the Barber Shop.
The black limousine brought talent agent Jose Garcia and his wife and star client, Lucy, a prize-winning kite flyer, to the stately home of the elderly Luigi Salvatore, the patriarch of the notorious Salvatore crime family. A huge, grim-faced capo met them at the door and pushed the trembling couple through the spacious corridors of the mansion to the backyard, where Salvatore was being chased around the yard by a huge dragon-shaped kite that seemed bent on dive bombing the old mafioso every time he tried to get it airborne. Finally, the kite circled three times and crashed into the ground.
The capo grabbed the young couple firmly by the shoulders and said, "Mr. Salvatore is very disappointed in his purchase of this troublesome $1,000 kite. In fact, he has threatened to kill the artisan who made it, whom we have imprisoned in the basement, if it does not become airborne. We understand that Mrs. Garcia has won many kite-flying tournaments and is an expert instructor."
He turned to Lucy. "Is this true?"
Before she could answer, Jose cut her off and bravely replied to the capo, "As my wife's agent, you must direct all your questions through me."
The capo fingered his Glock, nodded, and then asked, "Jose, can Lucy fly the Don's surly kite?"
I'll start it with one I originally posted in another thread in the Barber Shop.
The black limousine brought talent agent Jose Garcia and his wife and star client, Lucy, a prize-winning kite flyer, to the stately home of the elderly Luigi Salvatore, the patriarch of the notorious Salvatore crime family. A huge, grim-faced capo met them at the door and pushed the trembling couple through the spacious corridors of the mansion to the backyard, where Salvatore was being chased around the yard by a huge dragon-shaped kite that seemed bent on dive bombing the old mafioso every time he tried to get it airborne. Finally, the kite circled three times and crashed into the ground.
The capo grabbed the young couple firmly by the shoulders and said, "Mr. Salvatore is very disappointed in his purchase of this troublesome $1,000 kite. In fact, he has threatened to kill the artisan who made it, whom we have imprisoned in the basement, if it does not become airborne. We understand that Mrs. Garcia has won many kite-flying tournaments and is an expert instructor."
He turned to Lucy. "Is this true?"
Before she could answer, Jose cut her off and bravely replied to the capo, "As my wife's agent, you must direct all your questions through me."
The capo fingered his Glock, nodded, and then asked, "Jose, can Lucy fly the Don's surly kite?"
