Chasing Women

[SalvadorMontenegro]

I am presently "chasing" this girl I've known for a while. I am pretty sure she is interested in me, but I think she is determined to make my life difficult and is playing hard to get. Of course, I could be completely wrong and she's not interested at all, which I guess is the point.

Do people enjoy this? I think it's a major pain in the ***. I mean, I don't want things to come super easy, but I feel like I'm searching for a lost city here.

I know a lot of the guys on here are older than I am, so I'm interested in everyone's take. How do you feel about the ladies who make you work for them? (For the record, this is about the pursuit, not the devilish tricks they may play afterwards!)

 

[cfriend]

Before I met my lady, I enjoyed wining and dining girls I was interested in. Those who were interested in me... we had a lot of fun and probably dated for a time afterwards. Those who were not... we had a lot of fun but never wound up dating afterwards. Now that I'm with my lovely lady, I enjoy wining and dining her. We have a lot of fun.

 

[The Nid Hog]

You have to take the lead away from her. Seize the initiative. Then you won't be responding to her--she'll be responding to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop

 

[Doc4]

I know a lot of the guys on here are older than I am, so I'm interested in everyone's take.

With age, men make fewer efforts to chase women, but women make fewer efforts to make the men chase them. Bad knees and hip replacements make romance a more stationary endeavour.

 

[Commander Quan]

I have found out that every girl/woman has that one guy, that they know would date them in a heart beat if the girl would let them, but they never do. The two are friends, and the guy wants to take it to the next level, and The Girl doesn't for whatever reason, but she enjoys your friendship, and probably enjoys the attention. The most frustrating thing about this is she usually complains to you about all the other guys she dates.

If you really want to know if she is interested in you or not, stop chasing. If she calls/txts/finds you, you know she may be interested, if not then you know you're just "that guy".

 

[kwk285]

Just remember there is a fine line between chasing and stalking.

 

[Doc4]

Just remember there is a fine line between chasing and stalking.

A restraining order is NOT 'playing hard to get'.

 

[thunderball]

If you really want to know if she is interested in you or not, stop chasing. If she calls/txts/finds you, you know she may be interested, if not then you know you're just "that guy".

+1 I've found many women to be like cats in this regard...chase them and they simply run away (which is not to say that they don't enjoy being chased). Leave them and they come 'round on their own accord.

Or they don't, but then at least you know.

 

[King of Kailua]

You have to take the lead away from her.

A bit and a bridle work well for this kind of thing. Give the philly some spur and your off and running. Yah, yah *whistle*!

 

[Masterofsparks]

Of course the question comes to mind what would you do if you caught her?

 

[Wilpar76]

You need to determine if she is just playing hard to get or if she doesn't want to be caught at all. I told that to a girl I was courting in college. I was tired of playing games. She said she was playing hard to get and I said she didn't want to be caught. Obviously, we did not talk for some time after that, but I ran into her a couple of years later and she apologized and said I was right. She said she had been talking to several gentlemen at the time, myself included, and she was drunk with power as the attention went to her head. As The Nig Hog said, you need to take control of the situation and do not let her guide the direction you want to go. However, do not force anything either. If you two are supposed to be together, it will happen. Maybe not when you want it to or on her schedule either, but it will happen.

Hang in there.

 

[82R100]

...I know a lot of the guys on here are older than I am, so I'm interested in everyone's take. How do you feel about the ladies who make you work for them? (For the record, this is about the pursuit, not the devilish tricks they may play afterwards!)

So...how old are you?

- Chris

 

[mr_economy]

Simply put, stop chasing.

She's getting all the validation she needs from your pining, and she's having all the fun. Stop chasing and she'll freak out and wonder what she did wrong. Suddenly you're the one with the power and initiative. As long as you want her more than she wants you, you'll never have her.

 

[Hutch1]

Everyone has their theories and ideas on the subject, and they're all partially right. If it all possible, stay out of the "friend zone" until after the relationship has become romantic. There is plenty of time to build the friendship from there if you find the relationship/she is worth a damn.

That's not to say you can't be a guy they're friendly with, but get too close and your a half step away from being one of their girlfriends. The odds aren't good digging yourself out of that hole.

 

[gaseousclay]

my guess is that women play 'hard to get' simply because they want a challenge and not some pushover at the end of the day. i'm sure there are women (and men) out there who like to play it safe when testing the proverbial waters, but playing it safe doesn't equal an exciting relationship. women want to be swept off their feet, not clubbed over the head and dragged back to the cave.

 

[SalvadorMontenegro]

So...how old are you?

- Chris

26.

She's worth chasing. To me, at least.

Anyhow, I wasn't really asking for advice on my own experience, I was just wondering about the experiences of others.

 

[SalvadorMontenegro]

Oh, I think a lot of women play hard to get because they've been hurt before and they want to weed out the guys who just want in their pants from the guys who are genuinely interested in them. It's something of a self defense mechanism. Yes, I know there are some who simply want validation and are only doing it for that reason and have no intention of getting involved with the hapless schmuck chasing her.

 

[mdunn]

its not stalking... its selective walking!

Sounds like she likes being desired, she likes someone wanting to go out with her - but doesnt actually want to go out. Sorry man, thats been me.

 

[Kouros]

Move on too many other fish in the sea.

 

[professorchaos]

You have to take the lead away from her. Seize the initiative. Then you won't be responding to her--she'll be responding to you.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OODA_loop

+1. The only power she has is that which you give her.

And yea, the chase is fun. Think of it as a dance. You advance, she retreats. She repostes, you parry.