I challenge my fellow B&Bers to beat this one...can't claim it as my own, but makes me laugh pretty hard every time I read it...
From Markb about Osage Rub in the Reviews section:
"This stuff is mentholated Chuck Norris in a bottle just waiting patiently to spring out and deliver a refreshing roundhouse kick to your coconut the moment this wonderful viridian elixir comes into contact with your freshly shorn kisser.."