"BBS shave or painful, lingering death"

[Topgumby]

You are captured by a cult of wet shaving fanatics. They take you and your den and spirit you away to a remote location that is escape proof, soundproof and beyond all possible aid, but oddly enough, has a nice fog-proof mirror and a sink.

The leader of the cult (let's just call him "Stan the Man") has a weird grudge against you because you've chosen a user name that reminds him of his Mom.

"There is no escape," He says to you, and you can see that behind the crazy light in his eyes is a methodical malevolence that has plotted this caper carefully.

"Behold the vat of boiling Lilac Vegetal in the next room. Unless you can get a superb, BBS shave in a twenty minute time limit using any gear you desire from your den, you will be slowly parboiled in Pinaud."

"If you obtain the perfect shave, I release you and agree give up the psycho wet shaving cult leader gig and go back to my former position at P&G, where I came up with cute names for women's razors. Yeah, that's right, I'm the mastermind behind the Venus Vibrance."

You have twenty minutes to save yourself from a horrible Lilac and Kittybox scented death. What gear and prep do you use?

The clock's running....

 

[kg4ghn]

New Improved
Red Pack Personna
Almost any of my soaps
EJ BBB(only decent brush I have)
skin food ASB

shower first
face lather
shave
cold water rinse
ASB

 

[roboboticus]

I'd save everybody some time and jump in the vat. I still have a long way to go for BBS

 

[Stubblefield]

. . . parboiled in Pinaud."

I smell a custom user title.

To McGuver myself out of the situation, I'd use the following tools:

Joris lined open comb razor

Astra SP, Feather, or Personna 74 blade

Calani Shave soap

Baxter of CA ASB

Ten minutes tops, leaving me 10 minutes to rescue any miscellaneous heroines laying about . . .

 

[maxman]

Brit. Aristocrat Jr.,Feather blade, Trumper's Lime cream, 2 passes WTG, XTG.
I'd take it slow.

 

[Saunterer]

Tis easy in the time allowed...

Kyle's prep with some CE Bigelow
Load up my '56 Superspeed with Astra SP
Williams (yes I like Williams)
WTG, XTG, ATG, touch up with some J-hooks
Barbasol Pacific Rush AS (my new favorite)

I'd still have about 5 to 7 minutes to create a toxic gas cloud to assist my escape.

 

[honed]

I'd whip up insanely good Tabac lather with my trusty SOC, melt away all traces of hair in my face with some WTG, XTG & a scything ATG using my coticule-edged Heljestrand MK32 & smooth everything out to far beyond-baby-bottomness with a good splash of Italian Floid.

Plenty of time left to open up a serious can of whoop-*ss & hand over to the P&G employee

 

[El Judio Bravo]

Hm. In such a situation, I'd use my Treet Delrin loaded with a new U.S. Personna. I'm not making this up. My life is on the line? I can pull this off with a nice layer of Conk bay rum soap whipped up with my Omega 80067 boar bristle brush.

 

[aimsport]

My Quickest Technique for a Must-Have BBS

a. Fill mug with lukewarm water and drop my SOC into it.

b. Wet face thoroughly.

c. Take a swig of espresso.

d. Grab MWF, or Tabac, or Cella, or AOS Soaps, or Valobra, or DR Harris Arlington, or Irisch Moos, or Arko, or EJ Sea Buckthorn, or CF Lime... anything but my Herban Cowboy Dusk. If it were this morning I would use my AOS Sandlewood soap.

e. Squeeze out the SOC (I know, I know.... heresy)

f. Load brush on damp bristles keeping handle lower than hairs

g. Rewet face

h. Face lather dipping tips of SOC in water as needed to hydrate the soap in small steps, holding the handle lower than the hairs where possible so the brush gets full of rich lather. Feel lather explode inside the SOC telling me I've hit the hydration sweet spot. The explosion of lather should be unmistakable. If you're not certain, it didn't happen; you either underloaded or hydrated too rapidly past the sweet spot.

i. STOP and massage the lather with fingertips including ATG direction deeply, rubbing most on trouble spots.

j. Reapply lather without rinsing (so a lather, massage and re-lather before the first pass)

k. With lather on face
option DE. load two Iridiums. One into my EJ DE89L and one into my Merkur Bakelite
option SE. or a Treet or Pella in my 1912 fat handle or Damaskene
re-lather if that took too long... darned glue dots..

l. (IF DE, use the EJ DE89L) Do a WTG pass on right and left cheeks, then neck WTG leaving the chin and under the chin alone.

m. Re-wet latherless portions of face

n. Re-lather whole face including chin.

o. Do a XTG pass on left and right cheeks and neck

p. Do chin area WTG.

q. Rinse face & Re-lather.

r. If using my DE, switch to the Merkur Bakelite double checking that I haven't overtightened it. Do ATG pass everywhere but chin. XTG chin then relather and ATG chin.

s. Re-wet face checking for areas that may need buffing.

t. Relather any spots and take light passes around the compass of the trouble areas.

u. Check the clock and see I have plenty of time left.

v. Rinse face completely and only after I've double checked, then rinse the brush and razor and dry the razor(s).

w. No ASB necessary. But Castle Forbes Lime ASB is nice every once in a while.

x. Done.

y. say "bye bye" and drive somewhere, anywhere, upwind of the vat of Lilac Vegatal.

 

[Johhny Schleps]

46-47 Aristocrat
Astra blade
Rubberset nylon brush
Old Spice shaving soap
Pinaud Clubman AS

 

[proxymoron]

I think the premise is flawed. If you can stand the smell of the Veg, what's a little heat?

 

[beginish]

The Simpson Eagle G3, face lathering AoS Lavender soap, whose lather is removed by a Mergress with Shark Super Chrome blades, topped off with CF Lavender ASB. Oooh, look! 8 minutes to spare!

 

[Bobtrumpet]

I'd save everybody some time and jump in the vat. I still have a long way to go for BBS

Same here, if it's with a DE. Just below the jaw below the ear, both sides, is not yet do-able and I've been at this for over 2 years. I can't seem to get the blade angle and direction right for a BBS. Not that I've given up . . .

Now if I get to use a cartridge razor:

Kyle's Prep
C. O. Bigelow SC, brushless
Schick Hydro 3
Three passes (or Ron's Four Pass Shave if there's enough time on the clock)

 

[DE Shaver]

This is a challenge? Pah! I'll laugh at the cult leader and pull out my...

Proraso Pre-shave cream
Gillette Bleue Extra (NOS of course)
JM Fraser Shaving cream
Merkur 39C Sledghammer
Proraso Aftershave Balm
Rooney 3/1 Super Silvertip brush
Water

I'll prep with the pre-shave and after a couple of minutes begin shaving. Once done, I'll take my new cult followers, throw the leader into the bath for such an inadequate challenge and have a shot of single malt scotch. Cheers!

 

[Slivovitz]

Well, I could pick my still unused Rolls and try to ninja my way out of there. Assuming I play along, though:

Hot water on face.
Face lather with Proraso and my Tweezerman brush.
Any of several SE or injector razor blade combinations, really, but just to pick one, say Schick adjustable, set to max, and Schick blade.
Cold water rinse

 

[ateace]

I really like this life and death scenario.

Gillette 7 0'Clock Super Platinum
Merkur 1904
Proraso Red
Gold & Chocolat synthetic brush

I could also substitute:

NOS Schick blade(later production)
EJ DE89L

 

[jakespoppy]

I only see two possible outcomes:

1. I faint at the thought of being touched by Lilac Vegatal, and then Stubblefield rescues me along with the heroine, or

2. I "man up", laugh scoffingly at the boiling LV, whip out my Merkur HD loaded with a Red Personna, whip up a rich, slick creamy lather IN my Tabac ceramic bowl (yes, I did say IN the bowl!) with my Saville Row 3326 Silvertip, offer to share the lather with Stan the Man and his followers and Stubblefield, because with that wonderful, gigantic brush there's plenty of lather to go around, share the GFT Coral Skin Food to seal in the goodness once all our faces are nice and smooth, than share a laugh over the Venus Vibrance name, and then welcome Stan the Man and his followers to B&B and encourage them to become contributors of the greatest web-forum in the universe and explain how much they'll enjoy all the goodness that is B&B, including the wild and wildly humorous stories created by the resident "King of Funny" Topgumby, and then advise Stan the Man that he must pick another user name to use on B&B, at which he fires up the LV again....but that's another story...

 

[wimbouman]

You are captured by a cult of wet shaving fanatics.

Oh yeah.
It's called Badger & Blade.

 

[brianw]

Okayyyyyyyyyyy. anything to stay away from the LV..

W&B wedge 6/8
G3 Eagle
Gent's Best Signature SS
WH
GB Sig AS

and then use the W&B to slice my way out