Anyone here ever get burned out?

[RBE17]

I am on serious burn out at the moment. I've worked my current job for the past five years. I've worked the majority of that time on the same project. The last six months has been a major push towards completing that job. I am now on a different project, but something has died in me. I have no passion or basic desire to work on it other than I have to. My motivation is at an all time low.

I am thankful I am gainfully employed and I'm trying to work through this, but I'm finding it extremely difficult. I like my job, like most of my coworkers and the company is above average when compared to corporate America.

Some of this is coupled to my personal life. I am stuck in the daily grind. Get up, go to work, pick up kids, make dinner, bathe kids, put kids to bed, go to bed. I feel like I'm living the same day over and over.

Now that spring is here I'll be getting a small reprieve in that I can be outside, but that brings much anxiety, too. Now I'll have to do the yard work in addition to taking care of the pool and pond. As much as I enjoy the spring, summer and fall it brings quite a bit of anxiety for me.

I'm guessing some of you have gone through spells like this. I'm curious as to how you worked through them. Any help is appreciated.

Thanks.

p.s. I know some of this is whining, but I really would like to know how some of you worked through the doldrums of the daily grind.

 

[JoshD]

Sounds like somebody needs a vacation.

Tell the boss that you need a week, pack up the kids, wife, and the bags, then say, "Road Trip!!!"

that is what I did a few weeks a go. We went to Denver. Saw the zoo at colorodo springs and I even went tk the AOS store in the mall.

Try it you will be glad to get back to work after a week like that.

Josh

 

[SpyvSpy]

Oh yes, many times. I'm glad my 2 wks paid vacation is next month.

 

[bradyarz]

where i work there are only two of us in production, so if i were to take 2 weeks off, the other guy wouldn't like me very much, especially if i left at the end of the month rush.

i can definitely empathize with the op. i don't have kids yet, but it's pretty much get up, go to work, go to bed. every day is the same.

if you guys find a surefire cure, let me know!

 

[mgarbell]

I go through this every few years myself. I've been with the same company now for over 9 years. I know how you feel.

You need a vacation, badly. Even if you only take a Friday and Monday off for a long weekend. Just take some time off work.

At my company, we're only allowed to accrue twice what our yearly vacation is. I get 1 month a year, so my cap is 320 hours. I know they do it for accounting reasons as well, but they also realize that if we don't get away once in a while, we're going to bun out.

I know it's hard to go back to work after taking some time off, but it's worth it if you're burning out.

 

[petr]

 

[cheerwind]

Hire a maid/nanny.

What you've described is worse than doldrums or the daily grind--it's hell. You work your *** off all day and then come home to be housewife + groundskeeper/handyman. That's hell. A road trip or new hobby won't fix it.

If you can't afford a maid/nanny, you should start looking into antidepressant medications.

There's no inexpensive way out of it. You're a "catch" Mr. young engineer, and you were caught.

 

[Leche]

Steve, I know how you feel. I too have kids and know a vacation can be financially difficult and the trip itself can be trying at times. This is always good for me...

Drop the kids off somewhere for the night.
Search for a hotel. We have some off season areas so we are able to grab a very nice hotel for pretty cheap. Also try the various websites like hotels.com.
Go for a nice relaxing dinner and whatever else fancies you and your wife. This will help you feel better.

 

[Amer]

Vacations are fun but I find they put you behind when you get back and make you even more stressed out. If you're going to take time to go somewhere schedule time at the end of the trip just to catch up on things at home. If we go someplace, I try to give myself another day or two off of work when we get back just to get things done at home or just to have some leisure time at home. Coming back from a trip and going to work the next day is just too hard.

You could also always just take time off and stay at home. You have to find some "you" time just to do something you enjoy. If you have a hobby or have something else you want to do, do it. If you don't have a hobby or anything, maybe try to find one so that you have something to look forward to doing every day or once a week. Myself, I have my own daily and weekly hobbies. Just something to take your mind off things.

 

[hdhaskell]

I sometimes feel this way myself -- the best solution, for me, is to make some progress with the kids. Last night, my daughter shampooed her own hair for the first time. That saves me maybe three minutes every other day. But it feels good because that part of the grind is going away. Next step: you're almost five, lady, brush your own lousy teeth.

Of course, if you can afford it, a pool service or a lawn service helps too.

 

[RBE17]

Thanks for the replies and advice. At this point I don't think I'm really depressed, I'm just frustrated. I feel like I'm constantly fighting an uphill battle with everything I do; work, kids, housework, yard work, finding time. There just never seems to be enough time to get anything other than daily chores done, let alone anything extra, including intimacy.

I know my wife feels that same way as we talk about it fairly often. She handles all the grocery shopping, most of the doctor appointments, all the dentist appointments and 90% of the cleaning. We often describe it as revving at redline all the time. We both work high responsibility, corporate jobs. I feel we do a good job balancing our time w/ the kids. I leave before they're awake and she gets them off to school. Since I injured my knee I've been picking them up every night which has really helped my wife out.

I know it might sound goofy, but I feel like there is a force working against us. Whenever I go to do something some unforseen circumstance always pops up and screws our plans up. If I do plan to take a day off, a kid gets sick or something at the house or w/ a car gets screwed up. I think a lot has to do w/ the fact that I am pressed for time and any minor hiccup becomes a huge inconvenience.

We do have a vacation planned for Memorial Day. We plan to paint three rooms on our first floor. This might not sound like a ton of fun, but it's a huge deal for us. The shear fact that we'll be able to spend some time together and actually accomplish something will be a miracle for us.

Typing this out I realize so much more of my personal life is affecting work than I realized. Over the past two years we've done some things to make life a little easier. A pool cleaning robot and a Roomba have helped tremendously. Both of us have talked about a maid, but I have a huge hang up w/ letting someone in my house when I'm not home. Unfortunately, we don't have a large support network nearby as most of our family lives an hour away.

 

[dod.e.ratherwell]

Exercise. Exercise or something new in your exercise regime. Always changes your perspective. Try and do it first in the day...Exercise then shave...should make the rest of the day slip on by!

 

[The Nid Hog]

Exercise. Exercise or something new in your exercise regime. Always changes your perspective. Try and do it first in the day...Exercise then shave...should make the rest of the day slip on by!

I agree with that. Fitting in time to work out every day gives me a moment where I can leave the rest of the world behind. It's a good time to think about things if that's what I need to do; it's a good time to think about nothing too. The good feeling that it generates carries me through the day. There are always a few moments here or there to squeeze something in.

 

[Uncle Erik]

I know exactly how you feel.

I've been at the same job going on seven years. While I don't have a family (yet), they keep us in the "salt mines" up here on the 20th floor anywhere from 60-90 hours a week. I got a slight reprieve last night - and enjoyed it - but had been kept from 9:30AM past midnight five or six days in a row.

When I do get an evening off, it's not productive since I'm tired. Most of the time, I have a leisurely dinner (as opposed to ramming something down ASAP over a keyboard), a couple of drinks and crash. There never seems to be time to recover and then have enough energy to do things. All hobbies have been on hold
for 18 months or so.

I'm planning a week off in the beginning of June, since I haven't had time off since May '09. That'll help, and I'll also start looking for another job where 40 hours isn't considered slacking off. I think that's the only thing that will help at this point.

I hope this doesn't come off as too whiny. Lots of people would kill for full employment now and I am grateful to have a steady check, benefits and everything else. It's just that the endless cycle of sleep, shower, commute, work, commute, sleep, and so on is grinding on me. I'd like to go see a movie or listen to a whole CD without nodding off.

 

[Chickpea McGee]

Well, I don't pretend to know exactly what you are going through, but I have been burned out and in a funk (wouldn't call it clinical depression) a time or two, and I found relief in a few things:

1 - Take a day or two off in the middle of the week every once in a while. No vacation, no one else around, just make a list of all the tiny errands, to-do's, and assorted tasks that you can never get to with your hectic everyday schedule, and knock them out. While doing these things, include one or two treats, such as a massage, nice meal, drink/cigar, whatever you may enjoy. It is amazing how much the smallest items can weigh on the brain and cause great stress, and it is equally amazing the feeling this small amount of productivity and pampering can produce.

2 - Strengthen your support system. We are social beings, and need people besides spouse and kids in our lives, which is tough when work and family take up so much time. Sharing baby-sitters or trading off will help you put more social time and fun times on your calendar, and having people you can count on and share experiences with is very rewarding. Be it church, neighbors, social/civic groups, find somewhere to plug in.

3 - Switch it up at work. I don't know what you do, but most people have the ability to change their schedules, roles, responsibilities, or reporting to some degree. I was in a deep slump once, and had to train a new report. Instead of hating it, I found myself re-energized by doing some things I had not tackled in forever, and in teaching someone the tips and tricks I had picked up over the (6) years at my job. Again, this can actually make things more hectic at times, but the rewards can help us re-gain perspective, and determine if we are happy with our job or really do need to change. I thought I was on the way out at one time, and in trying to hit certain goals so that it would look good on my resume for a future employer, I figured out I really had it pretty good at my current job!

4 - Exercise. I agree with those above that suggested this. Endorphins, confidence, fitness, etc.

There is my $0.02 for what worked for me. The is truly YMMV territory, but I wish you well!

 

[C Reed]

I dread that feeling, last time I got burned out on a job I quit it with out any skills or money, its kind of worked out for me. My first rule is: if something is not fun stop doing it. I guess its harder when you have kids and such but I'm never having any unless I can pay some one else to rase them.

 

[Johnny Dale]

When I was younger I would get burned out with a job, The one I have now I have had for 26 years and I love it. I actually enjoy going to work. I'm pretty lucky!

 

[gaseousclay]

I hope this doesn't come off as too whiny. Lots of people would kill for full employment now and I am grateful to have a steady check, benefits and everything else. It's just that the endless cycle of sleep, shower, commute, work, commute, sleep, and so on is grinding on me. I'd like to go see a movie or listen to a whole CD without nodding off.

agreed. even though i've been at my job for roughly 14 yrs and loathe going in everyday, i'm still grateful to be employed now more than ever. my wife is a little different. she needs stimulation with her job and if she doesn't find happiness in it she moves on. she's in a unique position right now - even though isn't too thrilled with her job, she's not a full-time employee but she's paid as a consultant. this isn't so bad when you consider she makes roughly double what I make and only works 20 hrs a week. I have to keep reminding her how lucky she is she has a job that pays well when so many people are hurting.

in any case, the wife and I decided we're gonna take a road trip to Canada this summer and get away from it all

 

[toucanlamp]

I know what you mean. I've been out of university for about three years now and haven't been able to find anything career-like for work. With the economy the way it is at my work they've cut out lots of full-time salaried positions, so I work full-time hours but only get a wage, no benefits, pension, vacation etc.

It happens so fast, you're in school, life is interesting, you're learning things, you have lots of hope and ambitions for the future, but then you finish and reality strikes and it's just about surviving, making a living. The world doesn't care whether you enjoy your work of course.

It's incredibly routine. Wake up early, go to work, come home, eat dinner, you'd like to do something productive like hit the gym but you're exhausted so you read a book or fiddle on the computer for a couple hours and then go to sleep. Then repeat. Weekends are good but they fly past. Saturday and Sunday feel like an hour, Monday-Friday like a month.

Of course the only solution is to shake things up and do different things. I fantasize about going in and quitting and taking a trip somewhere, taking a couple months off to reinvent myself, and then start from scratch in the job market. But then I talk myself out of it -oh I don't want to have a gap in my resume, I'll eat up my savings, people will think you're just lazy.

I'm in my mid-20's and single, so it's tough to compare it to the kind of burnout someone with a family would experience. What I described, I have that option. I could go into work tommorow - yeah I have to work on Saturday! - and tell them I'm done, and no great suffering will ensue. But, when you have other people depending on you, your own happiness and satisfaction has to come second to making sure others will have what they need.

Exercise is huge. I know it so well. The times I actually do go and work out, aftewars you feel a boost and are glad, but after a day of work, the motivation for it is rarely there. I think a disciplined regime would work wonders. I don't eat well and put other bad things into my body, and that surely contributes bigtime to not having a sense of wellbeing. Everything is built upon a healthy lifestyle, so I'm sure until one has that covered, having a good job and so forth doesn't matter.

A vacation can work wonders too. I took off a week last fall even though it meant not getting paid etc. but it really recharges you.

And if all else fails, maybe the only thing is to completely shake up your life. Find a new job, go back to school, do something radical. You have responsibilities with a family, but life is short and I'm sure it isn't worth it to trudge along at something that dulls your existence simply because you're worried about providing etc. Lots of people with good high paying jobs feel that way, but I would be willing to be that most peoples' kids aren't going to resent you for their entire lives because you gave up a $90 000/year job you hated for a $50 000/year one you loved and they didn't get to enjoy the luxuries of that extra money.

Having to endured some routine and some things you dislike is part of life, but when the balance gets so skewed that it seems like those kind of things totally dominate life I think change is necessary.

 

[sffone]

I think you need more than a vacation. I think you're on the verge of depression. I think you should seek professional guidance. When I was in my mid-30s I went through a period such as you describe and wound up going off the deep end. It was a very dark period in my life, and I survived it, but I could have made it easier on myself and my family by seeking help.