Anatomy of a Fight

[Wilpar76]

What makes someone want to fight? (aside from alcohol, drugs, and not fight as in war or anything like that)

I have not been in a true "fist fight" since middle school. I was in a few brewhahas in college, but nothing that ended with punches being thrown. Instead, it was usually just pushing, shoving and the use of some choice language. I am by no means a pacifist, but I usually leave fighting as a last resort. I always try to let cooler heads prevail.

I have come close to a couple of bar fights, trying to back up my buddies, but I talked them out of it. Funny, beer and a smart mouth usually lead people to write checks their fists can't cover. Aside from not having bail money, a fight over a girl you don't know and don't want to know after that night is never worth it.

I also know that I cannot turn it off and on like that. When I see red, it is all over.

I am in my early 30's and I there are only a couple of things that will take me from 0-100 in a heartbeat.

1. Someone messing with my child. - I almost got into it with a parent at a playground because their son (older and bigger than my 2 year old daughter) just ran up and pushed her down to get to where he was going. I scared the sh*t out of the kid as I told him to stop, say excuse me, and help my daughter up. I then told him to wait his turn. I wasn't mean, I didn't raise my voice, but I was not going to move until he did what I said. I saw the parent rushing toward me but another parent stopped them. They must have told them what happened because the father stopped but he kept looking at me the rest of the time I was there.

2. Someone messing with my wife - Actually this will take me from 0-1000. I hate people being disrespectful in general, but particularly to my wife. She has literally had to hold me back a couple of times. Case in point, we were at a function and this guy was hitting on my wife. I was in another part of the room and did not see it. I saw her later and she said this guy kept hitting on her even though she politely informed him that she was happily married. The guy continued to hit on and harass her until I came to that side of the room and he saw her talking to me. I started toward him. She held me back saying it is not worth it. She was right, but to this day I still wouldn't mind knocking that guy's teeth down his throat.

Which brings me to my point. What does a fight really accomplish? In that case, I would have kicked his *** or gotten mine kicked (possible but highly improbable in that situation). In either scenario, have I really won anything? Have I defended her honor or have I embarrassed her for causing a scene?

I would be interested in hearing from people that have come to fisticuffs as an adult. Did you feel stupid after the fight? Did you feel better after the fight? Again, I am just curious as I have not been in a real fight in a very, very long time, and hopefully never will be.

 

[Dustinl]

The last true fight I got into was in a nightclub when I was 19. Someone picked a fight with my best friend, I was intoxicated, and i stepped in.

I was in another situation in my mid 20's when an older man about twice my age tried to provoke me into a fight. Another night club scenerio. My friends all told me to hit him as hard as I could and they would make sure he didn't have the opportunity to fight back. He really needed hitting. But I backed down for fear that he would pull a knife. I have thought about that night many times and have tried to justify backing down. I wasn't scared of the man, he just wasn't worth me or a close friend getting seriously injured.

I am 36 now and will avoid a fight now at all cost. Unless...... unless someone messes with my wife or my son. At that point I don't think i could control my anger and I am afraid to what point I would go.



DL

 

[sol92258]

A part of the answer is found in the movie War Games:

At the end, the computer, Joshua, determines that in Global Thermonuclear War, "The only winning move is not to play."
In my estimation, coming to fisticuffs is a last resort, no other method will work, type of deal. And it's not to determine who is right or wrong, but rather to make sure the person on the receiving end doesn't have a chance to physically harm someone. Fighting for "honor" is an illusion, in my opinion.
Yes, if someone were to mess with my family, they have a short time frame to show that they're stopping and won't start again. And by messing I mean physically endangering, not mouthing.

I know that there will be many different opinions on this (if this thread lasts that long ), but from my background, upbringing, and training, a physical altercation should only be employed so that you, or your loved ones, make it home that day. Not to show an imbecile that he can make you do what he wants.

I'm 33, and have yet to be in a "fist fight", fortunately I was a 1st degree Black Belt by Jr. High, and one of the biggest in my class, so it was never an issue for me. Had one instance where I thought I was going to have to get physical, but fortunately my logic eventually found traction in the guy's mental processes and he left. (all that over a dadgum Snickers.... - just kidding)

I will defend tooth and nail my wife and children, as well as anyone else that may get attacked when I'm around, but it takes a lot to get me to the red-line. Not necessarily a long time, but something major.

This should be interesting thread to watch.

 

[Masterofsparks]

You know I don't have a clue why but when I was in my very early 20's I was an extremley angy young man. (people who know me now don't see that side of me as I am VERY mellow now) Back then though if I was in a bar and someone so much as looked at me sideways it would be game on! Well all I have to show for it now from those days was a broken hand, broken nose, and a scar above my left eye from these encounters. I suppose I am happy I never landed my back side in jail.
All that being said though today if someone was to mess with my wife, sons, or grandchildren I think I would still be someone to be reconed with. I just don't understand why I ever went down that road to begin with!

 

[Saltysteele]

ego

relative to the number of times fighting is absolutely necessary, blows to the ego drives 99.9% of fights.

we had a situation locally, where a guy in his 30's told his newly ex-girlfriend's (well, don't know that he actually knew she was moving on) new lover to meet him in a local parking lot. well the kid and 3 of his friends (all 17-21 years old) met the guy and pretty much killed him over a woman that was cheating on someone to be with him. hate to say it, but if she did it to him, she'll do it to you.

well, now the guy is sitting on a ventilator with no brain activity for over a month.

was that worth it?

ego

 

[thunderball]

relative to the number of times fighting is absolutely necessary, blows to the ego drives 99.9% of fights.

I would agree with this. And when you mix in alcohol, well...we all know what happens then. The town I went to college in was just ridiculous for fights. Every night in just about every nightclub there would be a fight. Brawls on weekends. Almost always due to a combination of ego and alcohol. Lots of gym bunnies on roids just vibrating for a fight. Extremely delicate egos covered up by big muscles, tanned skin, nice cars, hot girlfriends, and expensive clothes.

"Were you just looking at me? Let's go ya f*g!" was a pretty common precursor to fights. I actually went back there a few years ago and it was still the same. Lame, lame, lame.

EDIT: It's actually funny now, having lived in Japan for 11 years and getting my black belt here. Not that having a black belt automatically makes you a tough guy but I certainly have a pretty good idea of what a fight is and how to increase your chances of winning one. Looking back on my college days, most of those big guys don't even know how to fight (though I certainly thought they could back in the day). "Awesome fights at the bar last night!", we would squeal in the morning. Swinging for the fences and then writhing on top of each other on the ground until somebody broke it up. I'd love to see some little guy from the dojo show up to the bar and just deal to one of those monkeys.

But seriously, fighting outside of sport is pretty dumb. As somebody mentioned, even if you 'win' it still sucks.

 

[FreezerBurns]

...I'm 33, and have yet to be in a "fist fight", fortunately I was a 1st degree Black Belt by Jr. High, and one of the biggest in my class, so it was never an issue for me. Had one instance where I thought I was going to have to get physical, but fortunately my logic eventually found traction in the guy's mental processes and he left. (all that over a dadgum Snickers.... - just kidding)

I will defend tooth and nail my wife and children, as well as anyone else that may get attacked when I'm around, but it takes a lot to get me to the red-line. Not necessarily a long time, but something major...

This is where I stand. I'll go as far as to say that men with martial arts/fighting training tend to avoid fights. I wrestled my entire life (well, since 3rd grade) and have won more than 100 wrestling matches but I haven't yet had to defend myself or my family in a real world situation. Could I? You best believe. I don't imagine it ever coming to that. If it does, of course I'll be ready, but at this point I've never been in a circumstance where beating the hell out of someone was the only way out.

(edit) Suffice it to say, I can feel comfortable that anyone picking a fight with me is not formally trained in fighting.

 

[SalvadorMontenegro]

I haven't been in one in a long, long time.

I have some friends who, even today, at 26, find it to be a great time to get drunk and start fights with people for no reason. They get a big kick out of it. For this reason, I stopped hanging out with them. It sucks, because I still like them, but at some point you have to grow up and cut out the negativity in your life; and that's what I did.

 

[Alacrity59]

I just turned 50 back at the end of December. I'm an accountant but I made my way up from beginning in the Canadian reserves, sailor on an oil tanker, loading and unloading trailers as a shipper receiver. I'm a kinda medium large person at about 6 foot which has served me well as I think sometimes folk figure I'd offer enough resistance to make me an unattractive target.

My advice is . . . avoid at all costs any fight you can. People in fights defy logic. Even if they can't logically win adrenalin gets pumping, fear of what you will do to them drives the situation even if you can remain level headed. Nobody sane would like to confront a cornered badger (ok I picked that for the site . . . sush)


On the other hand there may come a time where you are stuck . . . you have to live to support your loved ones or they are threatened with death . . .

You are now that cornered badger and you must lash out as hard and as rapidly as you can.

But how can you tell what situation you are in? This is what scares the heck out of me. I got into a situation 30 years ago where a person managed to get into a state that he was aggravated enough that he kept on coming back at me with the intention to do me harm an did not realize he was getting the crap knocked out of him.

We lived. Became friends. I just knew after that to avoid some things.

 

[Mr_Amazing]

I let women and children fight for me.

In reality, it's as simple as staying away from a bar. A lot of guys are idiots when they drink and when there is a girl in the room, things get primal.

If you can't resolve a situation and cannot leave it, just call the police. Problem solved.

 

[KarthVader]

I believe in defending yourself from harm. I always refer to Teddy Roosevelt: "Speak softly and carry a big stick".

But fights seem to be two or more people with too much energy that could go to better use.

Most of the fights I've been in ended with the other guy trying to wrestle me down and then me sending them home in a paid cab. Ironically, all the fights I've been in were in India because of some random guys harassing my female friends, even after numerous verbal warnings.

Some dudes just get all liquored up and can't control themselves.

 

[TinFish]

ego

relative to the number of times fighting is absolutely necessary, blows to the ego drives 99.9% of fights.

Well said. Real self defense (or defense of a loved one) is when it comes right down to striking someone down or being struck down by him. Fortunately, for most of us, those situations are rare. Otherwise, getting into fights because of ego or insecurity is just not worth it.
-trying to "teach someone a lesson" seldom works
-you don't know what kind of weapon he might be packing under his jacket
-even if you whup him, his lawyer may whup you even worse
...and so on. Best to avoid the situations when you can.

"I used to be a fighter, but now I am a wiser man" from an old Jim Croce song.....

 

[jazzman]

In reality, it's as simple as staying away from a bar. A lot of guys are idiots when they drink and when there is a girl in the room, things get primal.

If you can't resolve a situation and cannot leave it, just call the police. Problem solved.

Testosterone, youth, and alcohol have been around for a long time. So have the laws regarding justifiable use of violence. If you don't want to spend time in jail or lose all of your property in a lawsuit, save your violence for situations where you or your close family members are in imminent danger. That should not happen very often.

So far, I've even been able to avoid fisticuffs in bars by dealing quietly, but firmly, with drunken jerks who are smaller than I am. And, luckily, I haven't had the problem with guys who are bigger.

 

[Confuzius]

I'm good at avoiding fights with strangers because a) I don't like to fight. b ) I'm 6'3" 235lbs

I however have been in one fight in my life, with a good friend of mine. Way too much alcohol was involved, there were many background factors going on and I wasn't in the right head space, then he mentioned that he would like to date my little sister. Right after she had broken up with another one of my friends, who is a great guy, unless he's dating my sister, then he turned into a dirtbag. Shouting escalated and I ended up breaking his nose and got myself some black eyes.

That was maybe 4 years ago (27 now), I still feel like s**t about it. We've patched stuff up, but it's still not quite the same. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but if I was given the opportunity to take just one of them back it would be the fight.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Interesting thread. As a parent of a couple of kids I understand the OPs anger at a playground push. My suggestion would be, rather than scold the little boy myself, I'd ask him if his parents were there, then walk him over and explain the situation to them. Frankly, I would be uneasy if I looked across the playground and saw some adult scolding my kid for something. By the time everything gets straightened out, words might be said. Just a thought.

 

[82R100]

I don't drink and I don't hang with people while they drink.

What would happen if someone "messed with my wife or kids"? Damn. I don't know because I don't even think about it. I don't live my life expecting that someone eventually is going to mess with me or mine. It doesn't happen.

What percentage of these fights involve alcohol, would you say? 80%? More?

I just don't get it.

- Chris

 

[Obsessed]

Interesting thread. As a parent of a couple of kids I understand the OPs anger at a playground push. My suggestion would be, rather than scold the little boy myself, I'd ask him if his parents were there, then walk him over and explain the situation to them. Frankly, I would be uneasy if I looked across the playground and saw some adult scolding my kid for something. By the time everything gets straightened out, words might be said. Just a thought.

+1

Remember, from the other guy's perspective, you were someone messing with his child.

 

[Thebigspendur]

Humans are aggresive creatures. Some more than others. Add Alcohol to the mix and women and that's reason enough.

 

[Prince]

Interesting thread. As a parent of a couple of kids I understand the OPs anger at a playground push. My suggestion would be, rather than scold the little boy myself, I'd ask him if his parents were there, then walk him over and explain the situation to them. Frankly, I would be uneasy if I looked across the playground and saw some adult scolding my kid for something. By the time everything gets straightened out, words might be said. Just a thought.

Yes and no. If you tell the little boy in a nice way like the OP did, I don't have a problem. ( in theory ) Just no yelling. I agree about mentioning it to the parents.

My spidey sense would be tingling though if I saw some strange adult male speaking with my 6 year old daughter.

As far as a fight goes, I haven't had one since middle-school. Granted, I've seen many and idiot I wish I could punch a couple times.

Good thing the self-controlled always kicked in.

Now, if my daughter or wife were involved, that would be another story.

 

[WhosYerBob]

I'd love to see some little guy from the dojo show up to the bar and just deal to one of those monkeys.

Ego, maturity and self-confidence are the determining factors as to whether a fight takes place or not, in my experience.

I was quite a nasty fighter up to 4th grade, when I had my first real thrashing by someone that should have been in high school. That took the fight right out of me for many years, to the point where I was getting thrashed on a regular basis by my schoolmates.

By 9th grade I'd finally had enough and took up tae kwon-do. After a year's worth of lessons, just knowing I could take my opponents down gave me the body language to make them stop beating me. That worked until I had to go to another school, where I had a number of toughs decide to teach me a lesson. One solid kick to the ribs of the toughest of them was all it took. From that point on *he* wanted to be my friend and nobody else messed with me.

As far as other scenarios as I got older; well, I'd just leave the situation when things would look like they were going to get ugly, and avoided going to places where fights were likely to occur. Through the years I had ample opportunity to fight if I wanted, but I didn't. Doesn't mean I don't get angry and second guess myself immediately afterward, but I've never had the call to truly unload on someone as a fully grown adult.

Trigger point for me right now? Probably a serious physical attack on one of my loved ones - anything less and I'd walk away.