It's a tough thing to do. There's an old saying "Who can do the hard thing? He who must". You're in that situation and what you're proposing to do just might be the start of the wake-up call he so desperately needs. I wish you well...Grimm really doesn't know what a great friend you are.
Dignity and the Wet shave
- Thread starter BigAlVista
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- #402
Wanna trade for 24 hours?
Actually, I spoke at length with Bismark. He doesn't want to subject his GF to any of this and is going to cancel. Mischief managed.
But, agreed. The prayer of serenity really helps...
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- #403
Thanks.
In my work, I spent a lot of years as "a turnaround guy". I should be used to it.
Good deal...but does that mean he's not coming at all? That's too bad for you though. Alcoholics are, unfortunately, very self-centric and do not tend to see the damage they cause to others. Now I'm going to be building a front deck for the step-daughter and it looks reasonably stable weather-wise for the next week.
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- #405
Actually, the event happened, but in NYC at a Mexican restaurant. Bizmark did not want to stay in their home, but we all did want to see each other.
My wife, Grimm, his GF and I met on a Metro-North train to head into the City together. As soon as we sat down, he asked me if I wanted a gummy (the THC version). I passed, but he tried to convince me. I kept declining and eventually told him I wanted to enjoy and remember the evening without being wasted. He didn't seem to understand.
Grimm started the evening off with a double shot of Padron Anejo and a Corona. His GF had a glass of wine chased by a Margarita. By the time dinner was done, the two of them had consumed $180 in booze. Not bad for a guy that can't pay his rent and hasn't worked in nearly a year. The GF squared away his bill, so I guess it's all good...or something.
During dinner, every conversation Grimm started somehow referenced a bar or drinks...The bar at the TWA hotel at JFK, the bars in Curacao, the rum in Curacao, the blue Curacao in Curacao...you get the idea. I tried changing the conversation by talking a bit about keeping an on-line journal in a wet shaving forum.
They all thought I was nuts.
The drink tally kept climbing. I did not make a scene, but I did say something when Grim ordered his third double. It went of deaf ears.
At one point, the conversation moved to tobacco and I told a story of my trying a cigar after not having smoking one in 6 months. My friends asked me why I gave them up and I told them a lump in my lip gave me a shot across the bough I chose not to ignore. Grim turned to me and said "I'm not much of a cigar smoker anymore, but if you'd like to have a cigar with me that would be fun". I had just told him I didn't want to smoke because of a squamous cell carcinoma that had to be cut out of my face, and all he could think about was figuring a way to establish a codependent relationship with me.
I spoke with a dear friend today that has much experience with such matters. She reminded me that I cannot change either my friend or his co-dependent partner. The best I can do is show them love and compassion and decide the extent to which I want them in my life. Going forward, I will not be breaking bread with them, will not be inviting them over to my house, and will not be going to hers (or his, assuming he gets a job and a place to live). When asked why, I'll be caring and respectful, but I will be honest.
That's all you can do. Because he/they aren't listening and obviously don't think they have a problem. It's sad but good on you for not getting dragged into their scenario which is where they would like you to be.
Sorry to read about your trials Mark. Doesn’t sound like a fun night out. I have had that happen way in the past when I went on vacation with a couple of buddies that drank booze in the same two as me drinking Cola (I drink but infrequently and I don’t like beer). They would be all wasted and me left sober to get everyone home - hoping that they will keep everything inside.
Best wishes my friend.
Guido
Haha! The usual response! Boozed up or not. I am still waiting on the day that I don’t know about it, start talking and then find out there’s another B&B brother sitting opposite of me. I fear for the rest of the dinner party feeling excluded from there on!
Painful as it can be I think you are doing the right thing there. As least based on your description. Life changing events can change your perspective and you have (simply) moved on. Some do and others don’t. The ones that don’t try to keep you at their level do to speak. Not because they don’t want you to advance but because they themselves don’t see how to do it.
Best wishes my friend.
Guido
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- #408
Thx, Guido
I didn't think I could relate to expensive substance abuse, but then I remembered that I used to smoke. I went and looked at an inflation calculator and found out that in current dollars, it was a $200/month habit. Then I found somebody online with a similar usage and brand who said it's now actually a $500/month habit! The worst part is what I can feel happening inside my brain just thinking about smoking; I can just barely relate to the level of dependency mentioned above, but it's still there after all these decades. I also have read a bit about John Adams family history with alcoholism, enough to see what it can do beyond the individual. Personally, I despise functional alcoholics the most, they think they have everything under control and can be found doing every job out there(that they shouldn't be doing).
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- #410
I hear you on that. Grimm's GF is a highly functional alcoholic. It took me months to actually see the co-dependence. Now that I see it, it's obvious.
My knee jerk reaction to all of this was anger, judgement and disdain. I think I'm at the point were I've mellowed to compassion, sadness and acceptance. That said, I will not contribute to his self-destruction.
Yeah, when I was selling cars people would always yip about the payments etc. Anytime I knew the people smoked I would tell them The payment is a lot lower than you might think...all you gotta do is quit smoking. The looks on their faces from surprise to dismay. When both of them smoked that was an entire car payment and not on a cheap vehicle either.
Have a great day my friend, there's not much else I can add that the others haven't said about the tough situation. Prayers for you and them.
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- #413
Thanks Jon. For now, I'm over it. For now...
That's good to hear. Alcoholics are some of the most self centred, self-destructive destroyers of friends and family in the world. Some can be saved, some not. It's just what it is. But happy for you coming out of this better and stronger.
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- #415
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- #416
May 15, 2024
The shave that keeps on giving.
About a month ago, I had loaded up a Feather Pro AC blade into my La Faulx + and my RR Hawk V3 OC. I’ve been going back and forth between them, with a few DE shaves in between. The La Faulx definitely had the edge on the Hawk on all counts…Smoothness and efficiency. It also takes the win on blade life – which surprised me.
After about 10 shaves, the Feather started getting a bit tuggy on the Hawk, and ultimately needed removal at the 12th shave. I’m on shave 14 with the La Faulx with a blade from the same magazine, but the experience is still solid. Yesterday was shave 13 on the La Faulx. I was stubble free for a solid 12 hours and when I woke up this morning, I had a surprising DFS face, with only a few patches of stubble. Two passes later and my face was nice and smooth.
The spring season is a bit like the Atelier Durdan AC razor this year. I’m waking up to a quiet home (my wife departs at 4:30 for work at the hospital) and enjoy a hot shower and wonderful shave. I make whatever breakfast I’d like, enjoy a bit of Boxing News on CNN: “Trump vs. Biden, Round 2,890 (give or take)”, make a pot of tea, sit down at my desk, and start working. And, I actually love my job. Great Firm. Bright, reliable colleagues. Outstanding leadership team.
Most importantly, the surgery back in March appears to be a success. I’m pretty much pain free, the PT wonders why I keep coming for sessions, and I’m able to do most of the things I like to do. While I still cannot play golf, go bicycle riding, be crazy on the dance floor, go SCUBA diving, nor lug hose line around in burning buildings, I’m happy and consider myself lucky.
While I like change, there is something to be said about a perfect shave. I keep shaving with the La Faulx because I doubt any of my other razor and blade combos will be better than the most recent shave with the La Faulx. Eventually, the Feather blade will wear out and I’ll need to adapt to a new routine. I have enough razors and blades to make sure the next set of shaves will be good, but will they be as good as those I’ve had with the La Faulx and that particular Feather blade?
As spring rolls towards summer, I wonder what else might wear out and force me to adapt.
Until then, I’ll run my fingers across my baby soft face and appreciate the moment that is now.
The shave that keeps on giving.
About a month ago, I had loaded up a Feather Pro AC blade into my La Faulx + and my RR Hawk V3 OC. I’ve been going back and forth between them, with a few DE shaves in between. The La Faulx definitely had the edge on the Hawk on all counts…Smoothness and efficiency. It also takes the win on blade life – which surprised me.
After about 10 shaves, the Feather started getting a bit tuggy on the Hawk, and ultimately needed removal at the 12th shave. I’m on shave 14 with the La Faulx with a blade from the same magazine, but the experience is still solid. Yesterday was shave 13 on the La Faulx. I was stubble free for a solid 12 hours and when I woke up this morning, I had a surprising DFS face, with only a few patches of stubble. Two passes later and my face was nice and smooth.
The spring season is a bit like the Atelier Durdan AC razor this year. I’m waking up to a quiet home (my wife departs at 4:30 for work at the hospital) and enjoy a hot shower and wonderful shave. I make whatever breakfast I’d like, enjoy a bit of Boxing News on CNN: “Trump vs. Biden, Round 2,890 (give or take)”, make a pot of tea, sit down at my desk, and start working. And, I actually love my job. Great Firm. Bright, reliable colleagues. Outstanding leadership team.
Most importantly, the surgery back in March appears to be a success. I’m pretty much pain free, the PT wonders why I keep coming for sessions, and I’m able to do most of the things I like to do. While I still cannot play golf, go bicycle riding, be crazy on the dance floor, go SCUBA diving, nor lug hose line around in burning buildings, I’m happy and consider myself lucky.
While I like change, there is something to be said about a perfect shave. I keep shaving with the La Faulx because I doubt any of my other razor and blade combos will be better than the most recent shave with the La Faulx. Eventually, the Feather blade will wear out and I’ll need to adapt to a new routine. I have enough razors and blades to make sure the next set of shaves will be good, but will they be as good as those I’ve had with the La Faulx and that particular Feather blade?
As spring rolls towards summer, I wonder what else might wear out and force me to adapt.
Until then, I’ll run my fingers across my baby soft face and appreciate the moment that is now.
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Given the typical outcomes from this type of surgery, that is VERY good to hear.
I was wondering how the recovery was going, this is good news, continued prayers, my friend.
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- #419
Thanks, Jon. Counting my blessings.
Recovery takes time and you seem to be clocking right along, so congrats to you.
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