The official Clown House Limerick thread

Discussion in 'The Clown House' started by _JP_, Feb 25, 2011.

  1. The official Clown House Limerick thread
    You post limericks here to be read
    But keep them clean
    They can't be obscene
    Or this limerick thread will be dead.
  2. Alacrity59

    Alacrity59 Moderator Emeritus Contributor

    No . . . how about mildly dirty?

    I'm going for it . . . push the bounds or . . . well heck a mod can delete it.

    There once was a man called Lee
    who was flying TWA to Dundee
    when the stewardess did say
    "Coffee TWA?"
    he replied . . . "No . . . Just TWA . .. Tea"
  3. ouch

    ouch Moderator Contributor

    That's a whole lot cleaner than my "three teas of Texas" joke.
  4. A young schizophrenic named Struther,
    Who learned of the death of his Brother,
    Said, "I know that its bad,
    But I don't feel too sad.
    After all, I still have each other."
  5. There once was a lady named Bright
    Whose speed was much faster than light.
    She went out one day
    In the usual way
    And returned on the previous night.
  6. Mr. Scruffy

    Mr. Scruffy Moderator Emeritus Contributor

    'Tis a favourite project of mine,

    A new value of pi to assign.

    I would fix it at 3,

    For it's simpler, you see,

    Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9
  7. pal


    There once was a man named Park,
    who shaved himself in the dark.
    He fell with a thud,
    as he slipped in the blood.
    And his face he forever did mark.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2011
  8. This was the first limerick of the first compilation of limericks written by Edward Lear and published as the Book of Nonsense, in the year 1846. This this is the first record of a limerick ever written and published.

    "There was an Old Man with a beard
    Who said, 'It is just as I feared!
    Two Owls and a Hen
    Four Larks and a Wren
    Have all built their nests in my beard!"
  9. M80

    M80 Contributor

    Prope mare erat tubulator
    Qui virginem ingrediebatur
    "Desine ingressus,
    Audivi progressus!"
    "Est mihi," inquit tubulator.
  10. dpm802

    dpm802 Contributor

    There once was a man named Dwight,
    who did all his shaving at night.
    When his friends asked him "Why?"
    He said "I might die,
    If SWMBO sees my den in the light."
  11. garyg

    garyg Contributor

    All's I know (sorry apostrophe police if that is wrongful :blush:) are ones that end badly, but subscribing to hear more.

  12. franz

    franz Moderator Emeritus

  13. "The problem with playing the cello,"
    Said a girl to her favourite fellow,
    "Is the thing is quite tall,
    And it's no fun at a,
    But the sound is delightfully mellow."
  14. A young clarinetist named Benny
    Had a band that excited the many.
    Jitterbug and Jive,
    Kept the dancers alive,
    And Goodman made quite a good penny.
  15. Spaulding! Get your foot off the boat!

    "lt's easy to grin
    when your ship comes in...
    and you've got the stock market beat.
    But the man worthwhile,
    is the man who can smile...
    when his shorts are too tight
    in the seat! "
  16. M80

    M80 Contributor

    Said Einstein: "I have an equation
    Which science might call Rabelaisian.
    Let P be virginity
    Approaching infinity,
    And U be a constant, persuasion."

    "Now if P over U be inverted
    And the square root of U be inserted
    X times over P,
    The result, Q.E.D.
    Is a relative." Einstein asserted.
  17. A bather whose clothing was strewed
    By breezes that left her quite nude
    Saw a man come along
    And, unless I am wrong,
    You expected this line to be rude
  18. pal


  19. dpm802

    dpm802 Contributor

    There once was a man named Gillette,
    Who wants every guy he can get,
    To keep buying his cartridges,
    And we see just how smart he is,
    Since they haven't stopped buying them yet.
    Last edited: Mar 1, 2011
  20. pal


    If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
    And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
    You can honestly say
    That you have just made
    A Chilean Chinchilla’s chin chilly

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