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Your Teacher Was Right When They Said You'd Need Math In The Future

A MAN WHO KNOWS HIS MATH

He writes:

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver who cut right in front of a pickup truck, causing the driver to drive onto the shoulder to avoid hitting her..

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his window and gave the woman the finger.

'Man, that guy is stupid,' I thought to myself. I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I pass at least another 4000 cars. That brings the total number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every day.

Statistically, females drive half of these. That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry weapons and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Give her the finger?

I don't think so.
 
New Math:

Number of cars passed during typical commute: 36,000

Number of armed, homicidal, pms-suffering females passed: One

You could literally flip someone off every day for a hundred years before, statistically at least, you would encounter your pistol-packing psycho. And even then, in most cases she'd have to be a very good shot to even hit your car - let alone kill you.

Think of it this way: More than 90% of people are right handed. And in the US, cars pass each other on the right side. Meaning in most cases she would have to 1) roll down her window, 2) draw her weapon and fire across her body at c) a target the size of a melon moving at a relative speed of close to a hundred miles an hour (if shooting at an oncoming vehicle) .

Flipping off someone who has just cut in front of you is safer still: Because it is physically impossible for a lone driver to point a handgun at a vehicle behind her. (Edit - unless she's in a convertible!!) And if, by some miracle, she managed to squeeze off a round in your general direction - you would still have the engine block protecting most of your body.

I say let the finger fly freely!

Note: The foregoing advice is satirical in nature. Do not rely on it for your personal safety. Do not drive agressively or make threatening or offensive gestures. Always read the safety instructions. Do not pass "Go" and do not collect $200
 
Great post.

This guy has got to be in Japan because the cars are only 5.7 feet long! I miss the tinker toy sized construction vehicles in Japan.
 
Great post.

This guy has got to be in Japan because the cars are only 5.7 feet long! I miss the tinker toy sized construction vehicles in Japan.

LOL, I drive one of those Tinker Toy sized cars. My daily commuter is a Pajero Mini, LOL!
 
LOL, I drive one of those Tinker Toy sized cars. My daily commuter is a Pajero Mini, LOL!

I'm not familiar with that car but I'm guessing it makes a Mini Cooper look like a monster truck?:lol::lol:

How about the dump trucks that are the size of a Toyota Corolla?
 
I'm not familiar with that car but I'm guessing it makes a Mini Cooper look like a monster truck?:lol::lol:

How about the dump trucks that are the size of a Toyota Corolla?

Actually it's about the same size as the cooper but its a 4x4 SUV! :lol::lol:
 
My math is a little simpler...

Women control about 60% of the money (last time I heard). And they control 100% of you know what.

These are the two things us guys are always working for (in one way or another).

So, I try to be nice to women at all times....:biggrin:
 
My math is a little simpler...

Women control about 60% of the money (last time I heard). And they control 100% of you know what.

These are the two things us guys are always working for (in one way or another).

So, I try to be nice to women at all times....:biggrin:

That's the simple and effective version!
 
Along the same lines, I think it was Benny Hill who pointed out that the odds of someone sneaking a bomb onto an airplane were a million to one. The odds of two people sneaking a bomb onto the same airplane were a million times that. Therefore, the safest way to fly was to always carry your own bomb. This was before 9-11, of course.
 
And dont flip off the presidential motorcade.

Ha. And while deployed, in uniform, and sitting in lawn chairs, and in plain view of senior military officers, don't do the wave as the first lady drives by in her motorcade.

Judgement is something you just can't teach.
 
My math is a little simpler...

Women control about 60% of the money (last time I heard). And they control 100% of you know what.

These are the two things us guys are always working for (in one way or another).

So, I try to be nice to women at all times....:biggrin:

Words to live by! :biggrin:
 
Remember the golden rule of highway driving: the separation distance between vehicles should be one inch per mile an hour. This means 72" or 6 feet at 72 mph - too small for another car to squeeze in between.
 
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