What makes one a Gentleman?

[T-Dog]

"Whoever is open, loyal, true; of humane and affable demeanour; honourable himself, and in his judgement of others; faithful to his word as to law, and faithful alike to God and man . . . such a man is a true gentleman."

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[jones2289]

Regardless of age, income, clothing, etc, I think the simple act of being considerate goes a long way to make a case for being a gentleman.

Things like holding doors, helping your neighbor carry in groceries or shoveling their sidewalk, being polite, etc. are all acts of a considerate person and a gentleman.

A gentleman does these things even when they aren't popular or convenient.

 

[scottish steve]

This is one of those world changing consequences of what America set in motion in 1776 when we replaced "I, the aristocrat" with "We, the People" (yes, I know the actual phrase came a bit later with the Constitution, but the idea was there from the beginning).

This is in fact only a tiny tiny bit true, to an extent approaching the risible, given the actual make-up of American Society at the time. Throughout all of history, "the people" excluded the underclass, slaves or those in employment/ethnic minorities/religious factions considered apart, which has always made up a high proportion of society. Just because you didn't have a long-established aristocracy, doesn't mean you didn't have those on top and those who were simply ignored. How many slave-owners were signatories of The Declaration again?

 

[TasMonk]

Being a gentleman has absolutely nothing to do with one's financial or social status. For me, the essence of being a gentleman is about embodying honor, humility, compassion, respect, and chivalry. In my view true gentlemen are sadly a rare breed, and I commend the OP for aspiring to that worthy goal.

 

[blackdog1101]

Say a friend of yours needs help moving but you have a project that needs to be worked on, then your friend must wait or go at it alone/with someone else before you have done what needs to be done for the project.

Priorities is what it comes down to, and you should not have to alter yours to help someone, this of course means that your priorities have to be in order in the first place and mine are as follows.

1. Family
2. Health
3. Work
4. Social Life
5. Home

How does this differ from any heathen or ruffian on the roads of life? IMO a gentleman will allow himself to be inconvenienced for the betterment or aid of someone else. To show kindness only when it is convenient is not the hallmark of a gentleman.

 

[TasMonk]

Say a friend of yours needs help moving but you have a project that needs to be worked on, then your friend must wait or go at it alone/with someone else before you have done what needs to be done for the project.

You must do what you have to do before you help someone, unless the act of helping does not interfere with what you have to do. Holding a door for instance does not interfere with getting to a client to make a sale, so it's acceptable and proper.

Rubbish. To me this sounds like an attempted justification for selfishness and the poor attitude of "I'll do the right thing, but only when it's convenient for me". What you describe does not, in my opinion, have anything to do with being a gentleman. In fact, it's exactly the antithesis of being a gentleman.

A real gentleman would help a friend who needed help moving and would make time for his own "project" later. A real gentleman takes the few seconds necessary to open or hold a door for others. A real gentleman is not a "fair weather friend", nor is he willing to set aside proper, honorable, respectful behavior to save a bit of time or money.

 

[The Nid Hog]

Rubbish. To me this sounds like an attempted justification for selfishness and the poor attitude of "I'll do the right thing, but only when it's convenient for me". What you describe does not, in my opinion, have anything to do with being a gentleman. In fact, it's exactly the antithesis of being a gentleman.

A real gentleman would help a friend who needed help moving and would make time for his own "project" later. A real gentleman takes the few seconds necessary to open or hold a door for others. A real gentleman is not a "fair weather friend", nor is he willing to set aside proper, honorable, respectful behavior to save a bit of time or money.

+1 I agree with you completely. I think that there's no reason why everyone can't have their own priorities, their own standards by which they do things. But that doesn't mean that everybody then has the same claim to being a gentleman. You can't have it all.