So...the wife strongly suggested having a third child for the 100th time and I don't really want one. We got as close to an argument as you'll have (i.e. she got sad and went to bed), I poured myself a tall drink, then promptly went up to apologize and promise to not shoot down the idea and that we should wait at least a year until we seriously have the discussion. She was very happy about that.
Anyways, I have two kids. My son is six and fantastic. He was completely unplanned and it didn't work out with his mom but I have split custody. My daughter is six months old and just starting to do things like sleep through the night and not need to be held 100% of the time.
Three things are holding me back from the idea of having a third child...
1. Finances. Luckily, my son's mom works at a daycare and I've never had to pay, and he's in public school now. I won't have any before/after school costs or summer care costs for another two years. But my daughter goes to the same daycare and it costs $1600 per month. It's really a struggle financially now because I'm paying close to $1,000 per month in medical bills for the delivery, but that's going to ease up at the end of the year. And in another year or so, it will drop down to $1300 per month and eventually down to $1100 or so. But even then, add in another $1600 per month and you're looking at $2700 per mont. Then add in summer care or before/after school costs for my son, and we're way over $3000 per month in child care. That's the point that I look to hire a nanny, but I would be lucky to get one at $15/hour and that's again $2600 per month give or take.
2. Lifestyle. I make good money and my wife makes decent money. We're broke, but it's temporary. I had planned in a few years when daycare costs dropped to move to a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood with all the amenities. When my son was born, I sold my luxury car for a cheap Honda. I don't necessarily want a German, maybe just a Honda with leather. I see daycare as a massive expense but the light at the end of the tunnel is the end of daycare costs and having that $1500 per month (post tax mind you) to re-invest in our house, in vacations, hell just paying off debt, actually setting aside money for retirement (I have nothing in my 401k and I'm 31), and setting aside money for the kids and emergencies.
3. Relationships/Sanity. Before my daughter was born, I had my son half the time, which meant every other weekend my wife and I could have the house to ourselves, go out without needing a sitter, or just enjoy our evenings. That doesn't happen anymore. We have almost no time to ourselves, and when we do have time, we're so burned out that we can't enjoy it. I can't imagine a third child helps that at all. I also can't imagine going through another six months of zero sleep that eventually turns into the carousel of driving kids around from function to function as they get older.
So I just wrote some of the dumbest, whiniest stuff you could write. That's fine. I love my kids. My son, I say he gave me focus. I was 24 and drifting around miserably before he came along, after which he was really my reason to live, my direction so to speak. My daughter is a firebrand, and I know she's going to really push me and challenge me but it's fun to make her smile.
My questions to you gents...
The third child. If you had one, why did you have one? I've always envisioned having two kids (I was an only child, my wife had three siblings). What was different about it? Obviously I don't think anyone would regret having three, but were there any unexpected joys? How do they interact when they get older? Does it get easier or harder or just different over time?
Daycare. ***? For those of you with little ones, how do you manage multiple kids? Do you go the nanny route, or in-home, or a center, or stay at home? The latter isn't an option because my wife makes more than daycare for two kids, but I've tried to price it out.
I guess I'm looking for a little perspective and wisdom. This board has guys that have been there, done that, lived to tell about it. My generation is weird, I'll admit it. Would love to hear some advice, gents.
Anyways, I have two kids. My son is six and fantastic. He was completely unplanned and it didn't work out with his mom but I have split custody. My daughter is six months old and just starting to do things like sleep through the night and not need to be held 100% of the time.
Three things are holding me back from the idea of having a third child...
1. Finances. Luckily, my son's mom works at a daycare and I've never had to pay, and he's in public school now. I won't have any before/after school costs or summer care costs for another two years. But my daughter goes to the same daycare and it costs $1600 per month. It's really a struggle financially now because I'm paying close to $1,000 per month in medical bills for the delivery, but that's going to ease up at the end of the year. And in another year or so, it will drop down to $1300 per month and eventually down to $1100 or so. But even then, add in another $1600 per month and you're looking at $2700 per mont. Then add in summer care or before/after school costs for my son, and we're way over $3000 per month in child care. That's the point that I look to hire a nanny, but I would be lucky to get one at $15/hour and that's again $2600 per month give or take.
2. Lifestyle. I make good money and my wife makes decent money. We're broke, but it's temporary. I had planned in a few years when daycare costs dropped to move to a nicer house in a nicer neighborhood with all the amenities. When my son was born, I sold my luxury car for a cheap Honda. I don't necessarily want a German, maybe just a Honda with leather. I see daycare as a massive expense but the light at the end of the tunnel is the end of daycare costs and having that $1500 per month (post tax mind you) to re-invest in our house, in vacations, hell just paying off debt, actually setting aside money for retirement (I have nothing in my 401k and I'm 31), and setting aside money for the kids and emergencies.
3. Relationships/Sanity. Before my daughter was born, I had my son half the time, which meant every other weekend my wife and I could have the house to ourselves, go out without needing a sitter, or just enjoy our evenings. That doesn't happen anymore. We have almost no time to ourselves, and when we do have time, we're so burned out that we can't enjoy it. I can't imagine a third child helps that at all. I also can't imagine going through another six months of zero sleep that eventually turns into the carousel of driving kids around from function to function as they get older.
So I just wrote some of the dumbest, whiniest stuff you could write. That's fine. I love my kids. My son, I say he gave me focus. I was 24 and drifting around miserably before he came along, after which he was really my reason to live, my direction so to speak. My daughter is a firebrand, and I know she's going to really push me and challenge me but it's fun to make her smile.
My questions to you gents...
The third child. If you had one, why did you have one? I've always envisioned having two kids (I was an only child, my wife had three siblings). What was different about it? Obviously I don't think anyone would regret having three, but were there any unexpected joys? How do they interact when they get older? Does it get easier or harder or just different over time?
Daycare. ***? For those of you with little ones, how do you manage multiple kids? Do you go the nanny route, or in-home, or a center, or stay at home? The latter isn't an option because my wife makes more than daycare for two kids, but I've tried to price it out.
I guess I'm looking for a little perspective and wisdom. This board has guys that have been there, done that, lived to tell about it. My generation is weird, I'll admit it. Would love to hear some advice, gents.
We now have 3 daughters ages 16, 12, and 3 and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I think it's smart that you decided to revisit the topic later but in my humble opinion, you never have enough money for what you want for your kids. Just plan the best that you can, which it sounds like you are doing, and embrace what life brings you.
Good luck!
