The Speakeasy PIF?

[Zig the Pirate]

Greetings fellow humans. I have a bit too much shaving supplies, so I'm doing another PIF.
This includes a badger brush, a synthetic brush, a DE razor or straight razor (your choice), and some 'software'. Notice I didn't include any specifics; that's because it's a surprise. I assure you it's not cheap stuff. U.S. shipping is free.
All you have to do is tell us the dumbest thing you've done while drunk (because this is the Speakeasy) and what you were drinking.
I'll let this run for a week (next Tuesday, February 2nd)
Happy storytelling y'all

 

[FarmerTan]

How many werds can I use? Lol, you wouldn't believe it anyway. I lived it and don't believe it. If I ever get around to writing my book I'll have to call it fiction, tho I am pretty sure the "Statue" of limitations have come and gone.

 

[Zig the Pirate]

How many werds can I use? Lol, you wouldn't believe it anyway. I lived it and don't believe it. If I ever get around to writing my book I'll have to call it fiction, tho I am pretty sure the "Statue" of limitations have come and gone.

Well, my interest is piqued.

 

[FarmerTan]

Well, my interest is piqued.

How many stories do you want? Two come to mind, okay, three, right off the top of my head. Oops, four. All of them nights where I should have ended up in jail or dead, okay, now up to five......

All of them so SO stupid. EVERY one of them ended up in a car ride or drive home. Okay, up to six. I need to put these on paper.

Did anyone read James Herriot's books? I'm watching the "reboot" on PBS.... Beautiful LOOKING show, but so BLAND! It's just so politically correct! Remember how excess ETOH had so much to do with the humor? Ugh. I'm too old to participate. I'm sure to hurt someone's sensibilities!

 

[FarmerTan]

I'm going to list titles of chapters if that's ok?

Just to remind me. I'm too lazy to find pencil and paper....

 

[texh]

I'm in

here is the story, not mine but a friend told this story that once he got home and saw her wife drunk with her friends so he decided to join them and drank like half a bottle of vodka. but her wife went to sleep alittle while later while the guy stayed up and decided to play games, he went to game store and search for the game to buy it and been so drunk not able to focus on the screen, he tried to buy a game, put password and all but dint got the game to be installed or something like that, well he did tried multiple times and then went to sleep.
next morning he wokeup and viewed his purchase history to make sure he even bought the right copy. he was shocked to find out that he had bought the game 8 frigging times. In drunken state, he had actually been hitting the send a gift button, filling his email address, setting the sender name as his password and purchasing a gift code.

lets just say that half bottle of vodka turned out to be super expensive for him

 

[FarmerTan]

I'm in

here is the story, not mine but a friend told this story that once he got home and saw her wife drunk with her friends so he decided to join them and drank like half a bottle of vodka. but her wife went to sleep alittle while later while the guy stayed up and decided to play games, he went to game store and search for the game to buy it and been so drunk not able to focus on the screen, he tried to buy a game, put password and all but dint got the game to be installed or something like that, well he did tried multiple times and then went to sleep.
next morning he wokeup and viewed his purchase history to make sure he even bought the right copy. he was shocked to find out that he had bought the game 8 frigging times. In drunken state, he had actually been hitting the send a gift button, filling his email address, setting the sender name as his password and purchasing a gift code.

lets just say that half bottle of vodka turned out to be super expensive for him

I was sober for this one! I was trying to buy a copy of my son's birth certificate online. 2000 or 2001?

Anyway, the interwebs were definitely knew to me, and I was everybit as illiterate then as I am now.

I called my wife at werk, told her proudly how I accomplished this difficult task, in the middle of feeding our ankle biting brat, etc, laying it on thick.... You know, storing up those deposits in her love bank for a future withdrawal.

A few hours later I get a call from the County Register of Deeds, asking me to PLEASE stop buying birth certificates for our bundle of joy. Seems all the lovely ladies were overwhelmed by my orders. I somehow managed to order 49 copies! I just kept sending the request over and over again because there was no acknowledgement of my purchase on my end! All on my Discover card!

And my wife was a computer programmer at that time! I have NEVER been allowed near the computer to buy stuff since then.

 

[Zig the Pirate]

Loving these stories. Keep them coming!
@FarmerTan of course you can break them up. I think we all have a "could have gone to jail" story.

 

[FarmerTan]

Reminder/Chapter list:
1. Oktoberfest

2. Video game place

3. Back roads

4. "Carrots!"

5. Bowling and Jail

6. "That's not the first time I was hit by a car."

And that's not even the original 6 I thought of. So there is another three that crawled back into my head that I forgot again.

7. Golden Bowling Shoes

8. All night tennis courts

 

[Bakker1964]

Early 20's . . . pool party at my best friend's place. BF, myself, and a third Musketeer all had large record (and cassette) collections. As such, I would DJ, and use our combined collections for source music. That day/night, the set up was three tape decks, and two turntables. BF and his younger sister worked at McD's at the time, so parties were always a bikini fest.

I am drinking Canadian Club and Pepsi to start, beginning at about 1:00 p.m. I played requests and, generally, was tipped a beer or booze for doing so. Long story short, I am halfway through my 26er, when I run out of mix. No problem, Rye on ice, augmented by free beers for tunes. At one point I was chatting up a lovely, when I must have said something untoward, as she slapped me in the face. All good, as later she was laughing and joking with me, but I never did find out why she slapped me, and she could not remember the next day, either.

But that isn't the best part. I know I finished the bottle, but I have no clue how many freebies were involved over the 12-13 hours the Party lasted. My BF lived at house #3, my parents at #41. Lots were 35 - 40' frontages, so you can work the math. It took me about 45 minutes to make the walk. After about 10 minutes of trying to get my key in the door. BF's Mother asked if I needed help. She had followed me. I politely declined, and stumbled over the threshold.

What happened next is for a "Most embarrassing moment" PIF. It was over a decade before I could stomach Rye again.

 

[SharpieB]

Wow. Where to start!

Heres an embarrassing one... My wife and I were staying in Jersey about 15 years ago on vacation and there was a big horse race the next day at Monmouth Park (Breeder’s Cup I believe). Many of the jockeys were staying at the same hotel. I smoked at the time and was outside having a beer and a smoke late at night and started chatting with a few of the jockeys. We hit it off and I was invited to party with them. I ended up doing shots and drinking tons of beer with a bunch of them in a couple of their rooms until 2:00am. I am 5’7” and was by far the tallest guy in the room.

Anyhoo... got back to my room and crawled into bed blasted. Woke up to my wife screaming at me at about 4am. Took me a few seconds to see what the fuss was all about but it was apparently me relieving myself on the hotel wall. I woke up quick and all was good as I missed the electrical outlet by a few inches and the floor was tile. First time I had done anything like that in my life.

We went to the races the next day (I felt like death) and won quite a bit of money. I bet against the all the jockeys I could remember getting drunk with and they almost all lost, so they were likely as hungover as I was.

Good times. I still hear about that one!

P.S. I was drinking Goose Island IPA, Bud and shots of Padron and Jack Daniels.

 

[ChefJohnBoy-ardee]

New Years Eve some many moons ago. Pre-2009... Work my restaurant shift. Closed at 10. Walked next door the the bar beside the restaurant and met friends who knew I'd be working until at least then. Drank beers. Bartender said the bottle of Johnny Walker Black was old and needed to go. She pooted us all doubles. Everytime I turned around she refilled my glass and my friends.

I wasn't really feeling drunk when we left. I felt bad for my friend who was staying with me. He had parked his car the the restaurant lot which is cool. We weren't open New Year's Day so he wouldn't be towed but he was under dressed for the mile walk home on the bricks streets if this old college town. He grabbed a US Army surplus blanket from his trunk and wrapped it around him. We walked home and he was stumbling and bumbling into things. I was felt fine. We make it home and he is promptly passed out on my couch. I remember thinking how bad I felt for how bad he was going to be the next day. I go to sleep and wake up to a surprise.

My first wife woke up and made waffles. Waffles! I was excited. I took one bite and promptly ran to the bathroom and threw up for the first time since I was a kid. Ok, I thought, get it out of your system. You'll be fine.

Go back for more. Nope!

Napped for a few hours wishing for death. Sipped in Gatorade for a few quarts.

Ride with my friend to the public gun range and needed to pull over to let loose another salvo from my stomach. Shot rifles and hanghns fairly decently. I still out shot him which is ironic as he is now the army officer and I got out if marine corp ROTC but that's unimportant.... Drive back home over the windy hilly country roads onto the bricks if the city streets. Almost needed to pull over again it I kept it under control.

Get home. Nap on the ex-wife's lap while she watched "under the tuscan sun". Woke up feeling better better and was able to eat dinner.

Best friend was no worse for the wear. Here I was thinking he'd be hurting.

I still can't even smell JB Black. Let alone taste it.

 

[Jmp63]

Reminder/Chapter list:
1. Oktoberfest

2. Video game place

3. Back roads

4. "Carrots!"

5. Bowling and Jail

6. "That's not the first time I was hit by a car."

And that's not even the original 6 I thought of. So there is another three that crawled back into my head that I forgot again.

7. Golden Bowling Shoes

8. All night tennis courts

I would like an advanced copy please good sir!

 

[jesseix]

This thread could get dangerous... I’m thinking through multiple stories from college that I still won’t drink some types of booze from 20 years later...

 

[FarmerTan]

I would like an advanced copy please good sir!

That first chapter was hilarious, afterwards. It involved some professional quality beer drinkers, heaving pebbles at me. I really do have to write that whole story down. I was 17. Over 40 years ago.

It's a good thing I have no shame, or I'd never be able to leave my house.

 

[FarmerTan]

This thread could get dangerous... I’m thinking through multiple stories from college that I still won’t drink some types of booze from 20 years later...

Mine was whiskey. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I drank that stuff I woke up bloodied. Without fail.

 

[Bakker1964]

Another one . . . and by far the DUMBEST thing I have ever done in my life. As a Reservist, it was normal to hang around in the OR Mess after Parade to have a few drinks before heading home. Sometimes MORE than a few. It is traditional that, when one is promoted, you "ring the bell" and buy a round for the Mess. One night was my turn. Part and parcel of the whole thing is to drink a yard of ale without spillage. A yard is about 3 beers. The twist is, they would drop a shot into the glass just as you were ready to tip it up. Took me three attempts to get it right. So that's nine beers and three shots, plus a couple of ancillary beers before and after. Long story short, I can remember about HALF of the drive home. At some point, it all went "dark", and all I remember is waking up the next morning. Now, here's the dumb part . . .

I was the driver, and dropped of THREE mates before heading home. I have no memory of it whatsoever. Never happened again.

 

[TexLaw]

The dumbest thing I've probably done while drunk probably was when I got a wild hair to see Fleetwood Mac when Christine McVie rejoined the band in 2014.

I missed the early ticket sale, so I missed all the good seats. I figured I could wait a bit and think whether I wanted to deal with the nosebleed seats which were ample. I had almost decided to just let it go when I got good and drunk and started checking out scalper sites. The next thing you know, I had four seats on the second row, right in the center! They were expensive and more than I likely would pay while sober, but I still thought I paid a relatively pretty decent price for those seats. We were going to be damn near right on top of the stage! I was rather pleased with myself.

At least, I was pleased until I looked the next day and noticed that each ticket actually cost what I thought I had paid for all four. What I thought was pretty expensive turned out to be VERY expensive!

I tried putting the seats back up for sale, but they weren't moving at all. Finally, about 2 weeks from the concert date, I just decided to suck it up. I asked my parents to go with us (after all, I might not be a Fleetwood Mac fan if it weren't for them). We had one fantastic night! Perhaps it wasn't quite so dumb, after all.

By the way, I'll pass on the PIF. I have enough gear to keep me happy for a while. That story just came to mind when I saw the post.

 

[FarmerTan]

The dumbest thing I've probably done while drunk probably was when I got a wild hair to see Fleetwood Mac when Christine McVie rejoined the band in 2014.

I missed the early ticket sale, so I missed all the good seats. I figured I could wait a bit and think whether I wanted to deal with the nosebleed seats which were ample. I had almost decided to just let it go when I got good and drunk and started checking out scalper sites. The next thing you know, I had four seats on the second row, right in the center! They were expensive and more than I likely would pay while sober, but I still thought I paid a relatively pretty decent price for those seats. We were going to be damn near right on top of the stage! I was rather pleased with myself.

At least, I was pleased until I looked the next day and noticed that each ticket actually cost what I thought I had paid for all four. What I thought was pretty expensive turned out to be VERY expensive!

I tried putting the seats back up for sale, but they weren't moving at all. Finally, about 2 weeks from the concert date, I just decided to suck it up. I asked my parents to go with us (after all, I might not be a Fleetwood Mac fan if it weren't for them). We had one fantastic night! Perhaps it wasn't quite so dumb, after all.

By the way, I'll pass on the PIF. I have enough gear to keep me happy for a while. That story just came to mind when I saw the post.

EXCELLENT story! You ain't taking any money with you when you leave, and you had a great memory with your folks. Priceless.

I bough Mic Fleetwood's autobiography at the Dollar Store a while back and it was one of the best I've ever read by a musician. I hope to be as candid as he was if I ever right my story.

 

[sentrydriver]

When we were living in Manila in the mid-nineties, some marketing genius decided that what the Philippines really needed was tequila. Jose Cuervo had a very aggressive campaign, mostly radio ads. The most common spot talked about an “ice luge” which was a huge block of ice with a stainless steel channel angled down along the top. The premise was that a shot would be poured at the top and you would catch it in your mouth “on the fly” at the lower end. It seemed like a fun gimmick to me.

After a few weeks of the campaign, it turned out that the ice luge was going to make an appearance at a bar that my wife and I liked very much so we decided to give it a try. When we arrive, we were greeted with a full on marketing onslaught. A stunning young lady in a Jose Cuervo logo’d and skin tight minidress asked if we wanted to enter the competition. We laughed and told her, no, we just wanted to buy two shots and give the ice luge a spin. That’s when we learned that the ice luge was for competition only. We figured, what the heck and signed up.

The rules for each two person team were as follows:

1. One person would pour and the other would catch.

2. After each pour, participants swapped ends and roles.

3. Double shots were authorized.

4. No ”slop” on the receiver’s end would be tolerated.

5. Teams had one minute to get down as many shots as possible.

I think we were about the fifth team to go. All the teams were two guys and we noticed they were all pouring singles and very slow at changing ends. Still, the crowd was very spirited and I could feel the competitive streak coming alive.

When it was our turn, the leading team had managed 7 shots total. As we were introduced, the crowd went absolutely wild. We were not only the only married couple, but my wife was the only female contestant. Add to that, my wife is a redhead and we were the only caucasians in the place.

My wife had the first pour. I caught it easily and as we rapidly switched sides, I told her, “Next one double!” She caught the first single pour I sent down to her and as we swapped, she also said, “Double!” We made our swaps very rapidly and by the time our minute was up, we each caught 9 shots for a team total of 18. The place went absolutely wild.

We thought we were unbeatable but there were two enormous guys that watched our technique and by starting with doubles on the first round, they beat us by two. Afterwards, they acknowledged that if they had gone before us, they wouldn’t have thought to do doubles.

For coming in second place in the great Manila tequila drinking contest, we were awarded Jose Cuervo t-shirts and, just what we needed, two more free shots!

No, we will not discuss the morning after.