Ya can't make a girl love you if she don't.
The girl of my dreams tore my heart out.
- Thread starter Dastill93
- Start date
Next time (and there will be a next time) be aware of the trap that the friend zone is. If you're sincere about being friends, no fair complianing, or being broken-hearted if you don't become lovers. Usually guys wind up in the friend zone because they aren't upfront with the woman, or with themselves, about what they want out of the relationship. For instance, you never mentioned if you've ever come straight out and told this woman that you wanted her. Have you?
Sorry to hear about this, but as many have said, she's not worth it. Sounds like she has some issues she needs to work through with some professional help. Short of that, she'll probably just continue on the same self-destructive course. Take care to get whatever help you need for you anxiety. I have had some problems over the years, but not as major as what you're describing. Don't be afraid to get medical or psychiatric help if you need it. Find some guys with some common interests to hang out with. Find an outdoor activity you enjoy. Exercise some if you're up to it. Maybe travel a bit if you're able and you can keep the anxiety under control in unfamiliar surroundings. Be careful of self-medicating with drink; a little Bourbon in the short-term might help, but it's not a long-term solution. As everyone has suggested here, there are two main things to do at this point. 1.) Take care of yourself and get your anxiety under control. 2.) Learn from this so it doesn't become a pattern. Best wishes, hope and prayers, onward and upward.
Hey, I am sorry you are going through a lot right now. After being in Mental Health for a lot of years (and all that school) here's the most important thing, you. It has been studied and time and again, the way through our personal challenges is through a combination of talk therapy and, if appropriate, drug therapy - even if, for the short term. So, as they say, get yourself sorted out first. You have tons more years to find other girls, women, friends, lovers and spouses. So that's a good thing. It doesn't feel that way now but rest assured, there are.
A gentle point, is the lady in question is not perfect. She is not the one and only person in the world for you. She will make mistakes, do questionable things, lack good sense and fail. Just like we all do. She is not perfect, nor will any of us ever be perfect. You will not find a perfect human by definition, we are not perfect.
I suspect, as mentioned, she has no idea how you feel about her. Or if she does, there are a hundred reasons why she told you she slept with a married man. Many of them misguided attention seeking or make you jealous or she did because she is going through a phase or thought it would be different or wanted to try something. All plausible. But her reactions to her life, we cannot understand in these circumstances.
Focus on you. Many have said it. You need to get to a place so that you can function at your best. Life will continue to throw difficulties at you. That's is one of life's written in stone rules. Sucky stuff happens. all the time. How we deal with it is the most important thing. Learning to cope and function and survive a million things does take some work. Find a way not to put all your hopes and dreams into one other person. They will fail to be perfect every single time.
And again, therapy and maybe, drugs can make a world of difference. I didn't realize that I had anxiety until late in the game. It wasn't described in my youth as it is now. If I had known how manageable it is and had the therapy and anti-anxiety meds make a world of difference, I would have done it much sooner. Most everyone tries street drugs, why then do they not try talking it out? It is a wonderment.
Finally, I would offer to help as the run around with insurance and finances are a process (long and stupid-btw). So, feel free to PM me if you need help sorting out insurance or finding someone to talk to. I have worked through many insurance plans and can at least guide you along the steps. Best of luck, Kristin
A gentle point, is the lady in question is not perfect. She is not the one and only person in the world for you. She will make mistakes, do questionable things, lack good sense and fail. Just like we all do. She is not perfect, nor will any of us ever be perfect. You will not find a perfect human by definition, we are not perfect.
I suspect, as mentioned, she has no idea how you feel about her. Or if she does, there are a hundred reasons why she told you she slept with a married man. Many of them misguided attention seeking or make you jealous or she did because she is going through a phase or thought it would be different or wanted to try something. All plausible. But her reactions to her life, we cannot understand in these circumstances.
Focus on you. Many have said it. You need to get to a place so that you can function at your best. Life will continue to throw difficulties at you. That's is one of life's written in stone rules. Sucky stuff happens. all the time. How we deal with it is the most important thing. Learning to cope and function and survive a million things does take some work. Find a way not to put all your hopes and dreams into one other person. They will fail to be perfect every single time.
And again, therapy and maybe, drugs can make a world of difference. I didn't realize that I had anxiety until late in the game. It wasn't described in my youth as it is now. If I had known how manageable it is and had the therapy and anti-anxiety meds make a world of difference, I would have done it much sooner. Most everyone tries street drugs, why then do they not try talking it out? It is a wonderment.
Finally, I would offer to help as the run around with insurance and finances are a process (long and stupid-btw). So, feel free to PM me if you need help sorting out insurance or finding someone to talk to. I have worked through many insurance plans and can at least guide you along the steps. Best of luck, Kristin
Dude, drop her like a bad habit. I've been put in the friend zone by many girls. At first, I was the shoulder to cry on and someone to talk to when they got with all the wrong guys. I was also the guy who went to the mall, movies, dinner, the beach, and other activities. They got all the perks of having a guy around without having them as a boyfriend. That worked out only for a little bit. Especially when they were nowhere to be found whenever I needed someone to talk to or wanted them to do something with me. When you are friend zoned, you are in a situation where they get all the benefits of having a guy in their life, but the guy gets nothing out of it. That to me is worse than being flat out rejected and her moving on with her life. They keep guys around out of pity and say that they don't get along with other girls because they cause too much drama. Well... I don't have to say anymore. They are friends with you because they think they are doing you a favor. And I don't mean you specifically. I mean the collective you... us men. I just tell them, "No thanks. I have enough friends."
This girl is bad news as a girlfriend or even as a "friend." Do you really want someone around who puts off such negative vibes and makes your anxiety worse? You are better off without her. There have to be more women than men in this world. If there are 100 women in a bar, you have to talk to all of them. You might get shot down 99 times, but that one time; you could make it. If you don't, then go to another bar another weekend.
This girl is bad news as a girlfriend or even as a "friend." Do you really want someone around who puts off such negative vibes and makes your anxiety worse? You are better off without her. There have to be more women than men in this world. If there are 100 women in a bar, you have to talk to all of them. You might get shot down 99 times, but that one time; you could make it. If you don't, then go to another bar another weekend.
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Dastill93, "onwards and upwards" is precisely the attitude you should have, always. As you discovered, you were in love more with the dream that the girl. Inevitably, that leads to heartbreak, and any man who reaches adulthood has done the same (and any man who says otherwise is someone you should not buy a bridge from). So, welcome to the club, mate! 
More seriously, the most important things you can do for yourself are to get some help (if you are not already) and to keep moving. Keep moving, man. Get yourself up out of bed, get a shower and shave, and get out of the house. Do just about anything. Take a walk or have a run. Go to work. Grab a bite. Find a worthy cause to spend some time helping. It may feel like the toughest thing in the world to do, but getting up and getting out gets you back on track. Get that help to help you keep moving.
Do NOT curl up in that dark corner. Do NOT go out to drink when you are upset. Do NOT drink at home, alone. Nothing exacerbates a bad situation more than these, even though the world and media want you to believe it's the cure.
You've heard it, and you'll keep hearing it, but I'll tell you again. The right woman comes along when you aren't looking for her. It happens that way because when you aren't looking for her, you are truly being yourself.
Hang in there, man. May this and your other problems work out smoothly and swiftly.
More seriously, the most important things you can do for yourself are to get some help (if you are not already) and to keep moving. Keep moving, man. Get yourself up out of bed, get a shower and shave, and get out of the house. Do just about anything. Take a walk or have a run. Go to work. Grab a bite. Find a worthy cause to spend some time helping. It may feel like the toughest thing in the world to do, but getting up and getting out gets you back on track. Get that help to help you keep moving.
Do NOT curl up in that dark corner. Do NOT go out to drink when you are upset. Do NOT drink at home, alone. Nothing exacerbates a bad situation more than these, even though the world and media want you to believe it's the cure.
You've heard it, and you'll keep hearing it, but I'll tell you again. The right woman comes along when you aren't looking for her. It happens that way because when you aren't looking for her, you are truly being yourself.
Hang in there, man. May this and your other problems work out smoothly and swiftly.
Ouch International is currently running a "girl of my dreams" sale- $25, shipped, gets you a brand spanking new girl of your dreams.
There is, however, a $25,000 handling charge for the inevitable returns when you finally realize she is anything but.
There is, however, a $25,000 handling charge for the inevitable returns when you finally realize she is anything but.
Stay strong man. My first love cut me in half also, but in hindsight people change (especially over 6 years in your case). You may find that the girl she was is not the girl she is now. Grab life, don't let it pass you by. And have fun!
You are very young. You have demonstrated strong character by dropping the hammer on this relationship.
The girl that is causing you this pain was created in your imagination.
The girl that slept with the married man is not that girl. In your mind you imagined her as a much better person than reality showed she is. You are doing the right thing by moving on now before it is too late. Remember : it was you that acted in good faith ,she was the one that did not. In time you will look back on this situation and not be interested in her at all. Guys with a lot of experience will agree with me because many,myself included, have been there once or twice over the decades.If this happens again you will be able to recognize it sooner and end the situation.
Persue your own interests you will meet friends there that have something in common with you.
Even though it seems impossible to believe it now,you WILL get over this person. Good luck
The girl that is causing you this pain was created in your imagination.
The girl that slept with the married man is not that girl. In your mind you imagined her as a much better person than reality showed she is. You are doing the right thing by moving on now before it is too late. Remember : it was you that acted in good faith ,she was the one that did not. In time you will look back on this situation and not be interested in her at all. Guys with a lot of experience will agree with me because many,myself included, have been there once or twice over the decades.If this happens again you will be able to recognize it sooner and end the situation.
Persue your own interests you will meet friends there that have something in common with you.
Even though it seems impossible to believe it now,you WILL get over this person. Good luck
