smoking girlfriend

[dpm802]

I've been smoking for close to 40 years now. I'm now down to about 2 packs a week, since I can't smoke at work, and I can't smoke at home, and I can't smoke in stores, and I can't smoke in bars. That leaves me my car as the only domain where I can indulge myself.

I'd llike to quit, purely for economic reasons. Even the one carton I buy a month is putting a strain on my budget, and even for that, I buy them in the next state over to save about $20 in taxes.

One product I've used successfully in the past is Zerosmoke. Its a tiny, but powerful magnet that you wear on your ear for up to 8 hours at a time. Don't ask me to explain how it works, but it does. Its like Acupuncture, with magnets instead of pins. The urge it smoke is greatly reduced. Unfortunately, I lost the magnets when I moved. I've been lazy about getting another set, as they are expensive ($35,) but granted, its about the same as 3 weeks worh of cigarettes.

When I go out to a nightclub, I do not smoke from the time I take a shower at home until I'm driving home from the club. I go about 4~6 hours without a cigarette, and I don't miss it at all.

Likewise, when I'm working, I can go all day without the urge for a cigarette. I do light up when I go out to my car for breaks, but there, my motivation is to get away from the job for a few minutes and enjoy some peace and quiet, rather than heading out for a smoke break.

But, you were asking about your girlfriend's smoking. You know her better than we do, so you'll have to figure out the best way to motivate her. Don't nag her about it. Don't make her feel like a loser or that she lacks discipline. Use positive reinforcement instead ... "If you can go the next 8 hours without a cigarette, I'll take you to our favorite Sushi restaurant."

 

[PanchoVilla]

Am I the only one who clicked on this hoping there would be pictures of someones "smoking hot" girlfriend?

Speaking as someone who spent more years of my life smoking than I have not smoking, she will probably never stop because she is being nagged. If she has quit and then taken it up again it is quite possibly because of some stress in her life and she feels she needs a familiar "security blanket" which smoking provides to some people.

Perhaps the idea, rather than just "dumping her" like some people suggested, is to find out what caused her to go back to her old habit in the first place. If you are supportive, and she knows you are not a fan of the smoking, she will want to quit herself when she is ready. Despite what a lot of smokers say, not many actually enjoy smoking that much. They do it because it is a lot easier than quitting.

When I stopped I did it for a girl. And it was not because she nagged me. It was because I liked her and that motivated me to make the effort.

Nope, as a matter of fact my wifey unit smokes for a few weeks ( a couple a day ) then she quits again for months.
I'm not in the position to complain because I LOVE MY CIGARS and will never quit.

He sounds young and has decisions to make. My dad, who smoked a few a day said life is to short and some things are just a pleasure. He was a medical doctor. Go figure.

Pics are requested for a more informed decision.

 

[Luc]

I'm not a smoker but my other half used to smoke. She wants some cigarettes when she's under stress, it comes and goes.

I don't like it but I can't tell her what to do. She knows that I don't like it but I wouldn't break up with her for that. That's just me.

I do not know how it is as I was only a social smoker for a few months and turned green one night after having too many. I can't touch the stuff anymore.

Good luck!

 

[Blue_2]

I quit smoking cigarettes on New Year Eve. I honestly haven't cheated even once. I'm different though, I quit of my own volition because I simply didn't want it anymore. I smoked to the end of the pack as usual that night and didn't buy them again.

They're NOT stupid. They've seen the videos, seen the pictures, read the pamphlets. Getting up on a soap box in front of a smoker and extolling its evils...is annoying. It comes across as condescending and "Holier than thou". IMHO it's the worst approach. A Yale study recently found that positive messages are having much more success than "doom and gloom".

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sour...7L2N4H&usg=AFQjCNFtd_2n4QF93xWJ71MPclSbkqD8Fg

I started putting the money in a jar instead, one carton a week or $80USD. That fund covered ALL of this years Straights, DEs, Creams, Soaps, Brushes, Strops and Hone Acquisition Disorders (plus a few fountain pens) with just enough change left over for a small donation to Operation Smile.

I feel for you, this is a tough decision. Just be totally honest with yourself in asking the questions the other guys laid out.

 

[Newfie]

SNIP<<< Perhaps this is where counseling could help -- identify the techniques one might be most compatible with.

Truer words have never been spoken me-thinks.

 

[proxymoron]

Buy this book. Seriously. It's the best aid I know of for helping someone who doesn't want to quit quit.

If you want, you can pm me and I'll PIF you a .pdf copy.

There was a copy that circulated through my office a few years ago. The hit rate was amazing. It's basically a comprehensive debunking of all the dumb lies people tell themselves in order to keep smoking which, when you get down to it, is a physically unpleasant thing to do. I borrowed it for a laugh and quit for years instead.

 

[ShaveAddict]

Im in the same situation, but the smoker is me and my gf doesn't smoke and neither like it.
Of course i plan to quit but i don't think that the stop smoking or i will dump you is a good way to go, smoking is an addiction and sometimes it takes time to totally quit.

 

[luvmysuper]

When I saw the title to this thread, I thought that it should be in the Mess Hall.

Giver her space, be supportive. Think of positive ways to help her out with this. Talk with her about but don't be a pill. I completely understand your concernts and agree with your reservations about smoking. At the same time, we all have our faults and our flaws--many of which will probably lead us to the grave too. Give some thought to that and to her. If smoking is a dealbreaker, keep her feelings in mind too.

This is great advice.

Let me add that if she is a keeper that needs some help, the both of you should check out a prescription drug called Chantix.
In short, it helps you to feel better while quitting, and blocks the nicotine receptors in the brain so that there is no thrill at all from smoking.
A 3 month regimen and she can be smoke free for life.

 

[redwing]

being in medicine -

bottom line: SHE's got to want to quit for heraself - not for you, her mom, or her cat - if she isnt mentally commited to quitting for herself - then she's not going to successfully quit -

 

[DavyRay]

Does she smoke menthols?

 

[Kouros]

What if your girlfriend complained to you about your career and your low salary and your low expectations and the stench of poverty and how many marriages in her family have been lost and destroyed by couples bickering over finances and all her girlfriends who feel their husbands are not ambitious enough and have disappointing salaries and have debt that will never be erased because their husbands have destroyed their sex life by not supporting their families properly by not working enough and earning enough money to keep up with the Jones' yada yada yada?

If you keep complaining, you'll sound like the broken record above.

Just saying...

 

[dpmtherrien]

Her smoking is also a big risk to yourself, and you'd think that since you've told her how you dislike everything about it, that she'd do something about it. The longer you stay together, and the longer she continues to smoke, the more you'll tire of the relationship. Even if its still hot and heavy now, once the lust wears off, her continuing to smoke or stop, will be a big factor in your staying together. You'll have to make up your own mind if you want to stay with her if she doesn't stop.

Being a non smoker myself, and having gone with many girls who have smoked, the stink, the smells, the tobacco breath, and having seen a good many smokers die from smoking related issues, its just not worth it. If she won't stop then you get out. You'll be so much better off in every way.

 

[Mic360]

bottom line: SHE's got to want to quit for heraself - not for you, her mom, or her cat - if she isnt mentally commited to quitting for herself - then she's not going to successfully quit -

+1 on this I smoked a pack and a half a day for 15 years and quit 3 times because other people wanted me to. I would always quit cold turkey and be fine for a few months but in the back of my head I always wanted a smoke because I wasnt the one who wanted to quit. I stopped smoking again about 4 months ago but this time it was because I wanted to and this time it is easy.

It might sound harsh but if you dont like the smoking and she doesnt want to quit then stop waisting your time and find someone else who doesnt smoke.

 

[toucanlamp]

I mean, I tend to not believe the hype, that oh my god this guy has one cigarette each day when he comes home from work, he's going to die a horrible death at 35.

But, in a relationship, one that you are are hoping has good long-term viability - I really don't think you can have one person who in concerned about leading a healthy lifestyle and the other not really caring about that and being more interested in immediate gratification. It just can't work long-term.

I'm thinking about it, and I think that really, serious differences relating to health, and then the most common one which is financial management, is one of the few disagreements which there really isn't any way to just deal with and get by.

You have to see somewhat eye to eye in those areas.

 

[Zenas]

I quit from a pack to pack-and-a-half a day habit with a few strategies. I didn't smoke that "light" crap either. I smoked Marlboro Reds and Lucky Strikes.

1. I got nicotine gum. They won't make you quit, but they help. They cut the craving enough that it's not torture not to have a cigarette. They say quitting smoking is harder than dropping heroin. I don't know how quitting heroin is, but quitting cigarettes is terrible. To this day, 5 years later, I occasionally have the urge to have a cigarette.

2. I figured out the triggers that caused me to want to smoke. Being around friends that smoked, certain places where I hung out to smoke, certain activities that prompted me to smoke, and I cut them out. I pretty much stopped going to my fraternity house for 2-3 weeks because that's where I smoked the most.

3. I turned it into a game. I didn't just drop cigarettes completely. I counted how many I had and how many I could replace with the gum. I cut it down to half a pack a day, then 8 a day, then 4 a day, then 2. Then one, then one every 2 days, one a week. After that, the gum had it under control and I started weening myself off of that.

4. I had a lot of support from my parents and then girlfriend but now wife. They kept me accountable and kept me away from the triggers that gave me the urge to smoke. My wife would consider divorcing me if I started smoking again. She's serious as cancer. I love her way more than cigarettes.

 

[Krackin]

I've never smoked much. Usually only 1 or 2 when I had a few drinks. I got an electronic cigarette and now I don't like regular cigs. They seem dirty after using the electronic cigarette for awhile.

 

[TimmyBoston]

This is between the two of you. We can offer all the advice in the world and it won't change anything. Talk to her.


Good luck.

 

[Bushranger]

if she loves smoking (some people do regardless of chemical dependence/addiction), and she won't give up short of her death and you will remain with her, establish 'rules' she needs to consider for life with you, or send her to http://www.brothersofbriar.com/ or http://www.cigaraficionado.com/Cigar/Home/ for something that does smell nice during and after with the added advantage of less chemical propellants. I can also understand the dump her replies. Good luck mate

 

[malocchio]

dump her ! why risk second hand smoke cancer,horrible tasting kisses ,and perspiration that smells like burning weeds ???

 

[luvmysuper]

dump her ! why risk second hand smoke cancer,horrible tasting kisses ,and perspiration that smells like burning weeds ???

+1

And then pray that the perfect woman you finally decide on sticks with you if you get sick with anything catchy or if something you do just isn't her style.