It feels like an eternity. The anonymity of the internet works in my favor today. Beware with me I just need to ramble.
My brother passed suddenly and unexpectedly last Saturday. Massive heart attack. He was 13 months older than me. 50 years old. We were not close at all until a few years ago. He got involved with someone who has Young kids and all of a sudden we had something besides parents in common.
My modus operandi when things are real bad, is to stuff my feelings as far down as I can, withdraw from the world, refuse to deal with it and bury myself in something until those bad feelings go away. Yep, not healthy. So far this Covid world we live in has enabled me to do just what I said. I have stuffed my feelings away as best as I can and have no choice but to withdraw. The family can’t go to where he is, no grave side ceremonies are being held where he died so his ashes are in limbo. Stored by a wonderful funeral home. For free. I don’t get to see my parents and I don’t get to see his girl friend and her kids. They did not get married but those kids became his.
I can concentrate on my boys, I can work, I can help mom and his girl friend navigate the impending estate silliness. His girl friend is legally locked out of everything unless we can find a will. Since they did not get married mom and dad are his next of kin. I handled most of my father-in-law‘s estate for my wife so I can guide. It all has allowed me to stuff things further down this week. In fact it was pretty much business as usual. Yesterday my little brother and I went to his other residence (totally other state where his work was. Longer story). 6 hour drive for me one way. We went to find anything that would point to a will. Nothing. 20 total hours.
Today was the first day I have had nothing to do. An old high school friend pointed me to a bunch of Facebook posts about my brother and now I‘m a blubbering fool. Next week his girl friend is flying be there to help move his stuff from his rental to storage. Mom and dad are driving down to handle bank stuff. I won’t be able to hide and that terrifies me.
My brother passed suddenly and unexpectedly last Saturday. Massive heart attack. He was 13 months older than me. 50 years old. We were not close at all until a few years ago. He got involved with someone who has Young kids and all of a sudden we had something besides parents in common.
My modus operandi when things are real bad, is to stuff my feelings as far down as I can, withdraw from the world, refuse to deal with it and bury myself in something until those bad feelings go away. Yep, not healthy. So far this Covid world we live in has enabled me to do just what I said. I have stuffed my feelings away as best as I can and have no choice but to withdraw. The family can’t go to where he is, no grave side ceremonies are being held where he died so his ashes are in limbo. Stored by a wonderful funeral home. For free. I don’t get to see my parents and I don’t get to see his girl friend and her kids. They did not get married but those kids became his.
I can concentrate on my boys, I can work, I can help mom and his girl friend navigate the impending estate silliness. His girl friend is legally locked out of everything unless we can find a will. Since they did not get married mom and dad are his next of kin. I handled most of my father-in-law‘s estate for my wife so I can guide. It all has allowed me to stuff things further down this week. In fact it was pretty much business as usual. Yesterday my little brother and I went to his other residence (totally other state where his work was. Longer story). 6 hour drive for me one way. We went to find anything that would point to a will. Nothing. 20 total hours.
Today was the first day I have had nothing to do. An old high school friend pointed me to a bunch of Facebook posts about my brother and now I‘m a blubbering fool. Next week his girl friend is flying be there to help move his stuff from his rental to storage. Mom and dad are driving down to handle bank stuff. I won’t be able to hide and that terrifies me.