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Really bad week

It feels like an eternity. The anonymity of the internet works in my favor today. Beware with me I just need to ramble.

My brother passed suddenly and unexpectedly last Saturday. Massive heart attack. He was 13 months older than me. 50 years old. We were not close at all until a few years ago. He got involved with someone who has Young kids and all of a sudden we had something besides parents in common.

My modus operandi when things are real bad, is to stuff my feelings as far down as I can, withdraw from the world, refuse to deal with it and bury myself in something until those bad feelings go away. Yep, not healthy. So far this Covid world we live in has enabled me to do just what I said. I have stuffed my feelings away as best as I can and have no choice but to withdraw. The family can’t go to where he is, no grave side ceremonies are being held where he died so his ashes are in limbo. Stored by a wonderful funeral home. For free. I don’t get to see my parents and I don’t get to see his girl friend and her kids. They did not get married but those kids became his.

I can concentrate on my boys, I can work, I can help mom and his girl friend navigate the impending estate silliness. His girl friend is legally locked out of everything unless we can find a will. Since they did not get married mom and dad are his next of kin. I handled most of my father-in-law‘s estate for my wife so I can guide. It all has allowed me to stuff things further down this week. In fact it was pretty much business as usual. Yesterday my little brother and I went to his other residence (totally other state where his work was. Longer story). 6 hour drive for me one way. We went to find anything that would point to a will. Nothing. 20 total hours.

Today was the first day I have had nothing to do. An old high school friend pointed me to a bunch of Facebook posts about my brother and now I‘m a blubbering fool. Next week his girl friend is flying be there to help move his stuff from his rental to storage. Mom and dad are driving down to handle bank stuff. I won’t be able to hide and that terrifies me.
So sorry for your loss. It's always too early to lose someone you love, and especially at such a young age. Praying that you'll find a measure of peace and consolation.


Wanting for wisdom
Man that is a lot at one time. It is good to share this stuff . .. well that is what I think. A problem shared is a problem halved.

You are going to deal with this, I hope. We all get to do this eventually and anybody who has not is either unusually blessed or just not there yet.

I don't know if you go to church or not . . . but certainly you can reach out to any pasture or priest.


Happened across this post as a long time stalker and felt I had to make an account to respond.

It’s the worst when someone dear unexpectedly passes. I felt the same when a good friend and long time mentor unexpectedly succumbed to a heart attack as well at 61 years old. This was long before the pandemic, about 2 years ago I think - but living across the pond, I couldn’t make it there to pay my respects. Can’t remember now how I initially reacted, but I can tell you what helped me.

For two weeks after I learnt of his passing, I did nothing but read his letters again and again (snail mail and fountain pen enthusiasts). Didn’t want to accept the fact that he was gone. Resented the fact that he’d beat the game before I did, although in all likelihood he should’ve outlived me. Eventually, this arguably unhealthy coping process made me accept that he was gone, by rote repetition if nothing else.

I suppose my point is that whatever you‘re feeling at the moment, you’re allowed to have it. Just remember to come back to the people around you.

And you’re right, the anonymity and impersonality of the Internet is a wonderful thing, but don’t forget that the people around you may need your support, just like you might need theirs.

In any case, whether you choose to read that wall of text or not - take care, and I’m sorry for your loss.



Check Out Chick
Sorry for your loss. You will get through it. You have friends here that can listen to what you have to say if you need.


Stumpy in cold weather
So sorry for your loss. I wish I knew what to say to help ... But all I can think of is ... I wish I knew what to say.

His girl friend is legally locked out of everything unless we can find a will. Since they did not get married mom and dad are his next of kin.

Potential minefield there! Tread carefully.


"Can't Raise an Eyebrow"
I feel your pain as my brother died about two years ago prematurely and unexpectedly at age 54 of a massive heart attack. We weren't as close as we should have been, as the oldest sibling, I left home at age 18 for the military and missed a great deal of his childhood. After my stint in the Army, I returned home for a couple of years and then moved across the country, only to visit home once or twice a year. I always thought that once I retired, I'd move back home and we would make up for lost time, but that will never be. You are in my prayers.
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