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Need Help With Blood

Tell every one its from a Wilkinson Sword, but what ever you do don't tell them it was from a Feather.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!! Oh man, that's good. I wish it really were a Wilkinson Sword and not a Merkur.
 
Butterfly bandages and Liquid Bandage, also Superglue works well for this as well.

And whatever you do, don't shave there until it heals!
 
I would tell everyone that you were at this night club and you were with your girl (a model) and this other guy started feeling her up while you were at the counter buying shots for her friends and maybe some food for some disfigured orphans. Your girlfriend backs away, but this dude, he keeps on touching her. You come back and notice this and you get up in his face and tell him to back off. So he says "let's take this outside!" You both go out back to have it out, but his friends come up and grab you. Luckily you're tougher than John Wayne and Michael Jackson (pre-Dangerous era) combined, so you throw them off and into, like, a dumpster. But while this is happening the initial dude breaks a beer bottle over the SAME DUMPSTER and slashes your face with it. You don't even flinch. You spin kick him in the face and he flies through a strategically placed window. You jump through the now shattered window and start beating him down. Finally, you grab a pool cue and smash it over his head to knock him out. You turn casually to the guys playing pool, hand one of them the cue and say, "Your shot."

That sucks that that happened, though.
 
Butterfly bandages and Liquid Bandage, also Superglue works well for this as well.

And whatever you do, don't shave there until it heals!

I might break out the ol' electric so I can aim all around the wound. I'll still do the rest with my HD. Maybe I'll punish it and put it in timeout for a week and use my SS. Or maybe I'll punish myself and not shave for a week. Picturing my razor right now scares me.
 
I would tell everyone that you were at this night club and you were with your girl (a model) and this other guy started feeling her up while you were at the counter buying shots for her friends and maybe some food for some disfigured orphans. Your girlfriend backs away, but this dude, he keeps on touching her. You come back and notice this and you get up in his face and tell him to back off. So he says "let's take this outside!" You both go out back to have it out, but his friends come up and grab you. Luckily you're tougher than John Wayne and Michael Jackson (pre-Dangerous era) combined, so you throw them off and into, like, a dumpster. But while this is happening the initial dude breaks a beer bottle over the SAME DUMPSTER and slashes your face with it. You don't even flinch. You spin kick him in the face and he flies through a strategically placed window. You jump through the now shattered window and start beating him down. Finally, you grab a pool cue and smash it over his head to knock him out. You turn casually to the guys playing pool, hand one of them the cue and say, "Your shot."

That sucks that that happened, though.

I like the way you think!
 
I would tell everyone that you were at this night club and you were with your girl (a model) and this other guy started feeling her up while you were at the counter buying shots for her friends and maybe some food for some disfigured orphans. Your girlfriend backs away, but this dude, he keeps on touching her. You come back and notice this and you get up in his face and tell him to back off. So he says "let's take this outside!" You both go out back to have it out, but his friends come up and grab you. Luckily you're tougher than John Wayne and Michael Jackson (pre-Dangerous era) combined, so you throw them off and into, like, a dumpster. But while this is happening the initial dude breaks a beer bottle over the SAME DUMPSTER and slashes your face with it. You don't even flinch. You spin kick him in the face and he flies through a strategically placed window. You jump through the now shattered window and start beating him down. Finally, you grab a pool cue and smash it over his head to knock him out. You turn casually to the guys playing pool, hand one of them the cue and say, "Your shot."

Yeah, THAT'S the ticket! Just make the girl Morgan Fairchild.

/apologies to Jon Lovitz
//original skit transcript
 
I was just rounding up my chin from underneath, and once I got to the part on the front of the face, I felt a little resistance, and back when I used a Fusion, resistance was stubble, so I kept going, and then I saw in the mirror that I had a chunk missing. :

That made me squirm a little
 
Ah, just make up a good story about how you got the scar. Make it way over the top so it'll be believable.

+1

Chicks dig scars... I was thinking something along the lines of:

"Oh this? I got this while saving a pack of baby seals from the Khmer Rouge in the Swiss Alps." Then look off into the distance and try to look stoic and say something like..."I just couldn't leave them behind."

Now- as you can tell- the actual likelyhood of the story has no bearing on anything- its all in the deliver...
 
Isn't she just a little old for him?

I don't know. I am working really hard right now in my life to not make assumptions. Given that he's in school he's probably in his early 20's at most, but I was 39 when I got my bachelor's...

Then again, as hot as she is, even at 57, I would have hit it when I was 20...

Like the fist of an angry god.

Seriously, the man that could have pulled me out of that would have been the next king of England.
 
Then again, as hot as she is, even at 57, I would have hit it when I was 20...

Like the fist of an angry god.


I believe that youve been to a website called fark.com

Id pull up the pic of the meteor hitting the planet, but that might be a little much.

and yeah, Id have hit it too, and not even needed any beer.
 
I don't know. I am working really hard right now in my life to not make assumptions. Given that he's in school he's probably in his early 20's at most, but I was 39 when I got my bachelor's...

Then again, as hot as she is, even at 57, I would have hit it when I was 20...

Like the fist of an angry god.

Seriously, the man that could have pulled me out of that would have been the next king of England.

I'm 21, and I would have hit that when I was 20, too.
 
I believe that youve been to a website called fark.com

Id pull up the pic of the meteor hitting the planet, but that might be a little much.

and yeah, Id have hit it too, and not even needed any beer.

You are correct. I would have given credit to the author but I couldn't remember which farker first said it. If you know I'll edit and give proper credit.
 
You are correct. I would have given credit to the author but I couldn't remember which farker first said it. If you know I'll edit and give proper credit.


Meh, who knows. I wasnt accusing you of anything, just saying that the pic would be a little much for the thread, at least on this forum. I think all those farkisms pretty much hit the public domain as soon as theyre put out. I figure that its deserved after having to read all those bad wannabe farkisms.
 
P

PolahBea

I might break out the ol' electric so I can aim all around the wound. I'll still do the rest with my HD. Maybe I'll punish it and put it in timeout for a week and use my SS. Or maybe I'll punish myself and not shave for a week. Picturing my razor right now scares me.

This ain't helpin'!
 
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