Jokes that make you groan

[Neilzebub]

Who cares about Euell Gibbons? Spider Robinson was the real deal.
(Yet another old fogey. Check the prices on the spines.)

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• Hms123
• Jul 28, 2021

I salute your good taste; I know very few people who've even heard of Spider. My copy of Callahan's Crosstime Saloon is signed. Not addressed to me alas but still great.

 

[Rhody]

Why does the bar association code of ethics prevent sex between lawyers and their clients?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

 

[luvmysuper]

A woman looks unhappily at herself in the mirror while getting ready for bed. She exclaims "Just look at me!..My hair is grey, wrinkles under my eyes, my figure sags, and my legs are fat" She turns to her husband and says "Tell me something nice about me please!"
Her husband says "Well, your eyesight is perfect"

 

[Rhody]

I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it.

You guys didn't like it.

 

[Neilzebub]

The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar.
It was tense...

 

[Neilzebub]

Mabel Jullup was a lady with taste. She bought a lovely vase at an auction and put it on her table. It was Ming, and it made the Grand Rapids furniture look very cheap. She was sad, so she sold the Grand Rapids and bought 'period'. That made her whole house look cheap. So she sold the house and took an exclusive apartment in town. But the apartment was so exclusive it made Mr. Jullup look cheap. Naturally she got a divorce and married a Mr. Preston Potter. But here she was stymied. Mr. Preston Potter made her look cheap.

 

[TinyTim]

The 60-year-old owner of a very successful chain of bargain stores throws a huge wedding reception for his friends to his marriage to his beautiful 23-year-old bride. The wedding is held at his 30-room mansion on his 75-acre estate. No expense is spared. A few of his closest friends cornered him for a few moments and asked him how he was able to land such a dazzling woman. "Simple," he said. "I told her I was 89."

 

[Rhody]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

 

[Whilliam]

Pretty sure this will elicit a few groans:

Until very recently a troop of killer monkeys lived undetected in Greenwich Village. It was not surprising that they had escaped notice for so long. They had extremely odd sleeping habits, hibernating for 364 days out of every year (365 in Leap Years) and emerging from the caverns of the Village sewers only on Christmas Day. Even so, one might have thought they could hardly help but cause talk, since they tended when awake to be enormous, ferocious, carnivorous, and extremely hungry. Yet in Greenwich Village of all places on Earth they went unnoticed until last year, when they were finally destroyed.
Everyone knows that Yule Gibbons ate only nuts and fruits.
--Spider Robinson, Time Travellers Strictly Cash

Tastes like wild hickory nuts.

 

[ByMyBeard]

Is it bad that I can't recall which groan worthy jokes I've shared here?

What's the fastest beverage?
Milk. It's pasteurized before you know it!

 

[Rhody]

Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!"

The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!"

 

[BigFoot]

And I think we have ran our course.

 

[BigFoot]

OK gents and @Intrigued I have opened this back up. Let’s try and eliminate crude jokes and cuss words or it won’t stay open.

Thanks

 

[ackvil]

 

[Neilzebub]

@BigFoot thank you!

@ackvil that's great, cheers!

 

[Neilzebub]

Two psychiatrists are having a heated argument. Finally, one clinches it by saying, "Oh yeah? When I was a kid I WAS an imaginary friend!"

 

[Stubblebum]

The Lone Ranger has been invited to dinner at the Capitol by the Speaker of the House.


She wants to have a masked man date.

 

[Neilzebub]

The Lone Ranger has been invited to dinner at the Capitol by the Speaker of the House.


She wants to have a masked man date.

Will the Loan Arranger be joining them?

 

[Hms123]

OK gents and @Intrigued I have opened this back up. Let’s try and eliminate crude jokes and cuss words or it won’t stay open.

Thanks

I love this thread! Thanks.

 

[Stubblebum]

Will the Loan Arranger be joining them?

If I commented on that, the post would most certainly be pulled.