I bought some blonde paint. Not too bright but it spreads easily.
Jokes that make you groan
- Thread starter Captain Pre-Capsize
- Start date
How do you fit a giraffe in a safeway shopping cart?
Take the "S" out of "safe" and the "F" out of "way".
Take the "S" out of "safe" and the "F" out of "way".
I HATE being bi-polar... it's AWESOME!
okay...
French people would have a much easier time in life if they didn't speak a foreign language... just sayin...
French people would have a much easier time in life if they didn't speak a foreign language... just sayin...
Oh lord. Some these jokes are painfully aweful but they are brilliantly funny. Like little guilty pleasures...Wait..i mean...GROAN!
One fine morning a husband and wife are riding their horse and wagon into town. Along the way, the horse stumbles on a rock. The man says to himself, "That's one." A short while later, the horse stumbles again. The man says to himself, "That's two." Just outside of town, the horse stumbles a third time. Saying nothing, the man pulls out a gun and shoots the horse dead. The woman turns to her husband incredulously: "My God!!! How could you go and do a thing like that!!!"
The husband turns to his wife and says:
"That's one."
-My father told me that one.
The husband turns to his wife and says:
"That's one."
-My father told me that one.
Seems my father knows only one joke - makes me groan every time:
You know Elvis had a brother named Enis? Well, he had to change his name once they started calling Elvis "the pelvis."
You know Elvis had a brother named Enis? Well, he had to change his name once they started calling Elvis "the pelvis."
All eggcellent yokes guys.
Why was the blond fired from the orange juice factory?
She couldn't concentrate.
Why don't chicken coops have four doors?
'Cause if they did they would be chicken sedans.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
She couldn't concentrate.
Why don't chicken coops have four doors?
'Cause if they did they would be chicken sedans.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
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A man walks into a diner, and orders a stack of pancakes and a cup of coffee. Thirty minutes pass, he's on his third cup of coffee, but still no pancakes. The man grows impatient, and gets up to talk to the waitress. "Excuse me Miss, will my pancakes be long?" With a blank stare she looks at him and plainly states, "No sir, they'll be round!"
What does a nosey Pepper do?
It gets Jalapeño Business!
It gets Jalapeño Business!
Two blondes take a trip to Disneyworld... When they get there they read the sign "Disneyworld left" ... They turned around crying and went home
*ahem*
A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"
The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"
The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves
D'oh!
See what I mean?!
"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"
"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.
"I think you're bad luck."
